So. . . . .would you be brave enough to end it all? And if so, how?

dj I hope he didn't suffer at the end or at least not too much. How infantilised we are in being able to choose if we want to end our lives because of unbearable suffering and/or because we are terminally ill. My next door neighbours final memory of her husband is his screaming in pain in hospital. His hospice place come through the day after he died. People opposing the aims of Dignity in Dying are very very misleading, to say the least, about the availability of hospice care and the medics ability to always control pain. In addition, even if you are pain free, but locked in eg MND your suffering can be immense. Other countries allow people to choose and the world hasn't ended. My sister had a very moving goodbye conversation with a Swedish friend who was about to legally end her life because of her terminal prognosis and suffering.

My husband did it.
He had a living will and was dying of brain cancer. He told the doctor he did not want any more help.
She agreed on the Friday morning. He was diabetic.
No more insulin, food or drink, from then on unless he asked for it. He never did, and died just before midnight on the Sunday.

Wilma sorry to read about your illness.

I also agree about the shouty voice of the christian church. It is often minority groups like that who are most vocal. I support Dignity in Dying too and have signed the petition.

Biker I think it depends on the person who finds the body. Yes, it's not something you would actually 'forget' but while some would be terminally traumatised, others grieve and move on. It depends on the relationship that existed, it depends on the age of the victim, it depends on so much.

I am also a member Rigby.

I belong to the pressure group Dignity in Dying. The latest case it is backing in a court case is that of Noel who has MND. I find it utterly appalling that he cannot choose when he wants to end his suffering. What is do paradoxically wrong is that he could live longer if he were able to get help with dying but that because he will have to be able to do it himself, he and others like him die earlier than they need to. Some people have also said in countries where this is allowed that just knowing they could choose to die if it all got too much meant that they got through bad patches and again lived longer.

bikergran I agree about it not being an easy thing to do when the time comes. Definitely about it being frightening. I have an incurable disease and although I've talked on this thread in an 'easy' manner, I know it would be very hard to carry out my plan and I would be very scared. That's part of the problem really. If euthanasia was legal it would take away some of that emotion. We are talking about what would be our 'method of choice', but really it's not much of a choice. I am sorry about what you experienced as a child.

I agree with Anya. We're talking about older people choosing to die.

Day6 I remember that couple. It's a shame that they could discuss the situation with their family and yet have to make such elaborate plans to carry out their wishes.

I am surprised how few posters are saying they would never do it, especially because of religious beliefs. When this subject comes up in the media, the voice of the Christian church always seems loudest to me. Even louder than the potential ethical issues. I wonder what the result of a referendum would be?

When I chose to be the one to break the news to my father that his illness was terminal, he replied that it would be just his luck to win the lottery that week! He then said 'I think the P.B. moment has come.' I didn't know what he meant, but he later told my mother that he had a large polythene bag secreted in the back of his hairbrush. Thankfully he never felt the need to use it. His GP was excellent at managing the pain most of the time, in fact on his final visit he had promised that he would never suffer a bad night again. He died that night, and I have always wondered whether the doctor helped him along, for which I, and I am sure my Dad, was grateful.
I like to think that I would have the courage to end it if I wanted to, but would probably be too cowardly.

Meant to say...even with an incurable illness it must be and Im sure is! a very very hard and frightening decision to make, to actualy go through with the process, talking about it and planning it! but going through with it when the time comes!

When I was around 8 my dad tried to commit suicide..him n mum had had one of their rows and mum went to a friends to stay, she came back for me early morning and we both went to her friends..after a couple of days my dad said he wanted to see my mum..but not at any specific time/day I seem to rememeber(no phones/internet in them days) we went up this certain day and went in the front door (mum had key) we couldnt open the living room door (dad had pushed settee behind it, at the time I thought what was that smell..it turned out to be gas, I remember the smell all too well even now, we went in the kitchen and my dad had put all photos around and put an armchair in the kitchen..he hadnt died but he was sort of half way there, my mum ushered me out the back door turned off the gas and rung the police..etc Im sure he did! intend to take his own life, not because of illness but because my mum had left him. He is now 81 has the onset of parkinsons.I have never ever forgot that day. Also my mums brother committed suicide in his car with the exhaust fumes in his garage..my mums mum n dad never ever got over it....finding someone who has committed suicide under what ever circumstances must just stay with you for the rest of your life as does any death.

I already have a DNR on record at home and at my hospital so that's covered. If left to my own devices, I have enough morphine stashed away to kill myself many times over. My best friend, who lives with me and also acts as my carer is fully aware of my wishes and has promised not to stop me; in fact we have a sort of reciprocal arrangement in that she doesn't want to be a burden to her children or me - and she has also planned the morphine/ booze route. The only difference is that she has children (although she never hears from or sees them) whereas my children have been telling people that I am dead for years, so wouldn't know if I was really dead or alive anyway.

Only when life becomes too painful to bear and I'm a burden to my family. Pills and booze for me. If possible quietly telling no one. My fear is that I love life too much and may leave it just that bit too long and become too physically or mentally disabled to carry it through.

paddyann that's not always the case. There's a big difference between a healthy person suddenly and inexplicably taking their life and an old one who has reached the end of their tether.

Did any one else read about the couple (a very intelligent pair if I remember, academics I think) who always said that when they felt deterioration coming on or major illnesses, they would end it all, at a time of their choosing rather than cling to a life of illness, immobility, disease? There as an article about their planned suicides in one of the papers a few years ago.

They'd talked with their children about their plans, in positive ways. Their family respected their wishes to check out on their own terms. They had no wish to live as frail, dependent people who could no longer participate in all the things which made life worth living. They both wrote notes to say they were taking their own lives.

They called their children together when the time was nigh to say their goodbyes. They were under strict instructions then to be as far away from the family home as possible, so they weren't implicated in their deaths/suicides.

Both felt they didn't want to go on, so she went to the shed, and took whatever it was she'd planned to take. He held her hand until he was sure she'd gone, and then he went elsewhere to take his own life. Both left letters to the effect that no on else had helped them die and they'd had a pact to end life when they felt the quality of it had deteriorated to a stage they didn't enjoy.

Their grown children didn't want to deny them their way out.

I'd like to go when I choose, I dread the thought of ending my days sitting in a nappy, dribbling, being spoon fed and unable to do anything for myself. I have watched relatives deteriorate in homes and they've been immobile, confused, unhappy and fully dependent on others to keep them clean and fed. Not only that, their existence cost a fortune!

I believe all life is precious, but I'd like to spare my family those end stages and plan my demise. Watching my parents grow frail and then very ill was so very painful. There was no joy, for any of us. After years of suffering, the drugs administered to them at the end brought them relief and release.

paddyann plenty of posters have mentioned those who would be left behind.

paddy does you point really apply to the point raised in the OP?

so no thought for the folk you leave behind ? I have watched families try to come to terms with the suicide of loved ones ,more times than I would have liked and its truly heartbreaking .Its not courageous its selfish .The people left behind are left hurt,traumatised,guilty ...they worry about how they could have stopped it ,the result of suicide for them isn't a quick release from a bad situation its a lifetime of grief .I see it etched on their faces every day .

I agree about insulin not being a good option. Not only would you have to take a very large number of units, you'd have to be sure you would not be found for at least a week. I'd rethink that plan.

Niobe you'd be taking a chance of having a seizure and putting yourself in a continuous coma. Not a nice thought.

I hope I would have the courage not to do it ,

I am a tType 2 diabetic. My plan would be to eat sugar so my hBA1c crept up and get myself put on insulin and once I had enough take a large dose. Have been told by a doctor that that would work.

Ah, thank you. I've been shocked at how difficult it has been. Ridiculously, I think I thought that losing a parent was something that only happened to those "other people". We're a funny old lot, us humans. That's why I would never like to make it known that I would want to die under certain circumstances. I could be lying there, flickering my eyes like crazy, and hear "its what she would have wanted..." as a hand reached over to unplug me.

Hi Missadventure, yes, silver linings. It was so sad to see dad deteriorate, but I feel he was able to preserve a sense of self and kept his dignity within the love of the family. Sorry to hear that you lost your mum xx

Imperfect, my mum didn't want to become a burden. She was a real live wire of a lady; spotlessly clean, loved being able to care for her bungalow. Sadly, her mobility got steadily worse, and she was housebound, and then bedbound for the last part of her life, but she adapted. It certainly wasn't ideal, but people can accept a surprising amount of compromise as things change. I'm glad you got to help your dad and draw closer to him. There are always tiny slivers of "happy" in the most trying of times.