My man annoys me, quite a lot!

We used to spend 24/7 together, living, working, doing everying together. Now he's disabled and I wish he could do the garden! He's owl, I'm lark, so rarely meet, he likes TV, I hate it. He cooks, I bake, but no room in kitchen for both of us, so have to take turns. Whole family enjoys good quality computer games, so we work together on World of Warcraft and have found ways of sharing decision-making on such single-player games as "Last Guardian", which requires us to communicate as a family and suits us.

Last of the Summer Wine

What is LOTSW?

(Now who is taking it more seriously ? )

I think lack of Testosterone is behind a lot of these problems. Their get up and go depends on this hormone. There's too many partners noticing the old man behavior, for it just to be a behavior. Of course also that lusting passion has also faded too. You can get Testosterone levels measured by a Dr and then take tablets . I think HRT for a couple of years has kept me young in mind and body. Was reading the other day that one day it will be possible to order a robot partner that can be programmed to your likes and dislikes, and you choose its looks too. Now that's an idea, lol.

As in the early years of marriage, after the infatuation wears of... several years can be all about power balance.

Now that you have a lifestyle-change thrown back into the marriage equation, it's normal to expect the balance to once again be upset.

I think it's normal. Have a heart-to-heart and try to agree to take positive steps towards being together. Not 24/7, but each with your own outside interests, but coming together to explore re-discover or find out new things to do together! It does take effort.

In my marriage, I had to be the instigator for this, but even so, he's starting to 'spread wings' and not sit about all the time with Sudoku and telly. It went on too long, but I was studying and working from home and probably just wanted him out of the way. However, it was not a good thing. I should have started earlier. I hate LOTSW repeated and repeated and that did it for me!

We are now enjoying our granddaughter much more this way with days out and seeing things through a toddler's eyes. But I would want to have these days out anyways now, eg Nat Trust, bigger walks, etc.

Day6, are you married to my husband?!?

I did not read Mawbroon's comments as a 'dig' at all. l too would feel hurt if someone commented on my 'role on GN'. I feel your comments day 6 have spoiled a light hearted thread here. Mawbroon has as much right to comment as the rest of us.

I am not sure why you felt the need to change the course of what is a chatty, fairly amusing thread. I am baffled.
Is this your role on Gransnet

You know, I take extreme exception to this sort of snide remark.
Perhaps Day6 would like to explain, justify or otherwise elaborate on it?
How has the chatty and fairly amusing tone of the thread changed, other than in this extremely personal and offensive observation?
"My role on Gransnet" eh?
Well pardon me but I thought we were all members because we perhaps have something in common and liked to chat amongst ourselves,
My own remarks about "MY old git" were also meant to indicate affection and my respect for a 47 year plus relationship. Perhaps that was not clear to you?
But of course presumably only some people are able to start a "chatty, fairly amusing thread".
Baffled?
Perhaps the view is less clear from up there on that high horse.

My OH is another one who falls asleep watching tv but swears he's watching it if I try to change channels.....though I do manage it sometimes. We like to watch some programmes together but often it's separate rooms, separate tvs.

He's another one who likes every electronic gadget on the market, so we have cables everywhere. On the plus side, he manages our IT system and we rarely need to call in a technician.

Thankfully he doesn't follow any sort of sport. I don't think I could cope with a sport addict.

Why should we expect to rub along happily 24/7? Up until retirement those of us who had careers had outside stimulus, ditto the OHs. The time we spend in each other's was limited to mornings, evenings and weekends, and there was always plenty to talk about other than our day-to-day routine.

So, now we're thrown together all day every day, getting older and more easily tired too.

Get out more. Not always together. See your own friends or make new ones. Find an interest, or volunteer. Whatever it takes to get you feeling less ittitated and bored by your OH.

I have stopped buying tickets for my OH for the theatre, ballet, opera etc as it irritated me that as soon as the curtain went up he'd be snoring away. I go on my own or with a friend. It was such a waste of a ticket.

Where did that come from?
There was no "dig" intended and I am sorry if YOU took it that way.
However, we have just had another thread running to pages where choice of TV prog (cricket it seems) was the precursor for a whole outpouring of relationship counselling and an apparent decision to LTB
I had no intention of derailing the thread you started.

Gosh MawBroon. I'd hope my affection and respect for my man was also evident in my post?

In fact, in everyone's post I can read their acceptance of their partnership niggles and a good deal of affection too.

It is OK to have a moan, and a bit of a laugh too, whilst also being grateful he's my man. Has anyone on this thread sounded as though they are thoroughly fed up with their partner?

If anything, in all my posts I have mentioned that my being retired, my adjusting to more togetherness, etc, is my problem, and in truth, it's not a major problem, more of an observation, and I have tried to make light of my grumbles.

I am sorry but I don't understand your dig. I haven't once mentioned I am going to abandon the relationship or that I feel the need for counselling, and I've also mentioned I am luckier than others who have lost their partners.

I am not sure why you felt the need to change the course of what is a chatty, fairly amusing thread. I am baffled.

Is this your role on Gransnet?

I'm not sure why most of our mums didn't have anyone to share retirement; my DP had 20 years of retirement together and fulfilled the 'through sickness and in health' promise. There were a few teething problems at first - I remember DM getting annoyed because DF would shelter in the greenhouse if it started raining and said that he never saw the washing on the line that needed bringing in!

Gardening? My Dad could garden for Britain

Heavens are we married to the same man????? Unless it's football he is incapable of staying awake & like your he spends hours pottering around the garden. I retired but Chair a national charity which keeps me totally sane and out of the house!!!!!?

Day6, you are not alone. I would hate to be without my OH but he does drive me mad. There are far too many channels on tv these days for us ever to agree on what to watch, so we sit in separate rooms when it's tv time. He smokes and won't go outside, so now he is home all the time the white paint work is now going yellow. He says I knew he smoked when we got married, but then so did I .
He doesn't so much to help in either the house or garden. I have been tempted to leave in the past but didn't have the money to do it and then there were the children. I am not unhappy but often wonder if the grass is really greener.
He provides for me has never strayed and doesn't mind if I go out for lunches with friends. I guess there are a lot of people worse off.

Day 6. Our life is just like yours with the added irritation that when we go up to bed I want to read for half an hour then go to sleep but he's been sleeping in the chair all night and is all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Wants to sit on his iPad till all hours then causes a major disruption when he eventually settles down to sleep! However like you I just go on going on because he's MY old git!!

I guess most of our Mums didn't have someone to share retirement so this is a new phenomena. Everyone seems to have the same issues. My DIL thinks I am very bossy as I keep suggesting let's do this or let's go there, but the alternative seems to be slowing down to the point where we can watch the plants grow. I try really hard to ensure we do things together but frankly I can fill more than 24 hours in a day with lots of variety and just reading the papers and watching TV isn't a full time occupation for me. If he was older than me, I might understand. Anyway, I am very grateful for his company and for the fact he does 90 % of the cooking !

Thank God DH has a large SHED!

I echo your post, Maw! DH and I seem to have become joined at the hip these days and it is sometimes intensely irritating falling over each other day after day, but then I remember the increasing number of friends who don't have anyone to fall over, and it is a case of There but for the Grace of God.... Fortunately, this house is big enough for us both to escape to one end or another and have a bit of quiet time when the need arises (which it quite often does!). I sometimes wish mine would fall asleep in a chair occasionally. He's like the Duracell bunny!

Day 6 many of us will share your sentiments and maybe our partners feel the same about us, but there have been so many threads that accelerate from 0 - 60 in as many words and before you get onto the second page, we are getting LTB and advice about solicitors.
I hope this is not the case with you. I often feel Paw can be an itrritating old g*t but he is MY irritating old g*t so on life goes. A relationship which has survived decades is worth working at /compromise/a survival plan is it not?

My daughter and her husband have just created a man cave and a woman cave in their house.

Oh Tegan, I'd have to change the locks and employ a dog-walker!

I jest, but I do sympathise. I'd be so irritated by him invading my space - just sitting in it. If he'd suggested going for a walk, to the pub, doing something, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, but to just walk in and sit there is awkward. You either have to sit there with him or do something so you're busy.

You should have the freedom to just 'be' in your own home.

It's a dilemma when you have a nice chap who means well and whose company you enjoy - when you plan to be together. I think some men quite like a being joined at the hip relationship. Some women too, I suppose, but it's interesting that many of us crave space and freedom and find the presence or actions of another irritating, even though they are dear to us.

...he's just walked in and is now sat watching the tennis....#ohdear

I'm afraid I'm the one that falls asleep .

DH does irritate me every so often when I [1] trip over yet another cable leading to another electronic gadget [2] nearly knock his cup of tea off the banister [3] feel embarrassed that the garden is increasingly becoming a grave yard of bits [4] can't pull the curtains because a pile of boxes to 'go to the garage' is in the way [5] can't access a cupboard because he's still not packed away cases from his business trips from way back....

Yet he never complains if the house needs cleaning; he always does his own washing; he's very willing to go to the shop if I've forgotten something; he always buys me a paper; he's good at sorting out my PC; he's fantastic with the GC and an excellent best friend........

So I keep telling myself I'm luckier than a lot of people