Children calling adults by their first name.

I've always let my kids call people by the name they want to be given so my sister was Aunty so and so whilst my brother just wanted to be called by his name only. We have 6 kids and 8 grandchildren and they vary what they call their aunts and uncles depending on what they want to be called. My eldest daughter gets offended if the parents don't teach them to call her Aunty whereas my other daughter doesn't care what they call her as long as the children are polite. I just go with the flow.
At my son's school it seems that most of the teachers are called by their surnames with the exception of some of the PE staff who get called by nicknames. As long as the staff maintain discipline, I don't see that as a problem either.

I still recall, when I was a young teenager back in the year dot, being quite shocked the first time I heard my boyfriend call his mother Muriel. I'd never known anyone address both parents by their Christian names before, and to this day I don't really know why he did that. His younger sister and brother just called them Mum and Dad as normal.

We went on to marry and have children but divorced after 20-something years. Nowadays our granddaughters call us Grandma and Grandpa and their mum's parents Granny and Granddad, but all four grandparents' partners by their first names.

I'm still of the old school and believe in the rule "familiarity breeds contempt".

And I've found it to be true.

When I my brother and I were children he got a right royal telling off from Mum for suddenly starting to address Dad by his Christian name.

Served him right!

(And the same rule applies to people using FaceBook referring to how many 'friends' they've accumulated - they surely mean 'acquaintances', because "friend" is a word I only reserve for people I personally know and have known for quite some time but a FaceBook contact is someone you know of but don;t really know at all.)

Sorry to get carried away pedantically......

PS. lilyflower. I heartily agree with all you say - with occasional lapses allowed when appropriate.

When my daughter was at University, she brought loads of her friends home for tea (not to mention dinners, overnights and help with laundry!).
DD was lucky enough to be able to live at home, but many of her friends were far away from home and family.
Most of them called me 'Mummy', and ten years on they still do.
I am delighted and very flattered to have so many lovely 'adopted' children!

I think a level of formality and respect is a good thing and I would never have appoved of my children calling adults by their first names unless the adults invited it, which, largely they did amongst friends. Older men and wmen were always Mr and Mrs So and So.

I strongly deprecate the generation older than us being 'first named' by public sector workers. When my MIL was called by her first name by health and care workers uninvited I thought it hugely disrespectful.

My BIL called his parents by their first names and I thought it a symptom of something very odd in their family. My sister has caught the habit and after years of being 'mum' to her, my mother is now being called by her first name which is belittling and rude - and is clearly intended to be.

I see that some people who have posted above have airily dismissed the conventions. I would respectfully suggest that they can do this in their own case but in the case of others, particularly the old and vulnerable, to dismiss formal respect towards them is also to invite and encourage disrespect and ill treatment. Those who are given an inch often take a mile.

As for youngsters deserving more respect than adults I suggest this inversion of the natural order invites 'spoilt brat syndrome'. Babies, children and teenagers deserve protection,sustenance, education and kindness but they have not yet put anything into the human equation to deserve more respect than the adults who are giving them everything they have.That the ego of the young has been stoked by liberal upbringing is evidenced by the self-centred, narcisstic behaviour of the present snowflake generation who have grwn up with a sense of entitlement without having done a thing yet to deserve it.

I always encouraged my children to be polite and respectful to 'grown ups':- teachers, parents of frirnds, employers and so on and they are now both employed and well liked. Many adults have commented on how 'nice' they are as if this was a quality dropped from heaven when in fact it was sound early training and our instilling a respect for humanity outside themselves.

Because, in the end, that is what respect is, a recognition that we are not the centre of the universe and that others outside ourselves are human and deserve as much consideration as we pay ourselves.

I always insisted children of friends and family used my first name. My DCs call me Mum, and DGCs Granny or Grandma - coz I wear those badges with pride.

When I was a child I called all relatives Auntie or Uncle plus non related godmother. Others were Mr or Mrs until I was much older, then it was first names.

Interestingly my DGC called family members Auntie and Uncle, and for my DDs children friends' are Mummy (first name).

I did find it inappropriate for my elderly father to be called by his first name by nurses in hospitals, I still think this could be the case with older people. My mother was always Mrs F in her residential home. Sometimes I think it is appropriate to keep a little distance.

We have 1 DGS one 5 years old and the other almost 4. The youngest will not call my husband grandad or any other term used for your parents parent. He calls me nanna and knows his aunts and uncles but he insists on call his grandad John. They are very close and we think that he sees them as best buddies, I think my husband is rather pleased that as the other GS is distant with him due to his autisum

I'm 50 and always called adults by their first names when I was younger. One of my DN's, he's 25, calls his DM & DD by their first names and I think that's fairly common these days.

GC's friends call me Grandma and my name. No problems with that at all. Like other posters I had lots of 'aunties' - not so many 'uncles' but generally I called my parents' friends Mr or Mrs - or their military title which was very popular in our area. When I started teaching at a new school we staff were encouraged to let the children call us by our first name - we soon put a stop to that!!! The Head wanted the staff to call him by his first name which we found very awkward at first. How times change!

I encountered "uncle and aunty" as being my parents friends. From what I have heard that is still quite normal in some Asian communities as a term of respect to older relatives or parents friends.

I would love my Grandchildren to call me by my name, that is the real me. I have not morphed into someone else just because I have grown older and become a grandmother.
I called all my aunts and uncles by their christian names when I grew older and they did not mind. I was brought up old school but hated it. Must add I always had respect for relatives.

I was the eldest of five & my mum always taught us to address all neighbours/adults by their surnames I.e Mr Smith or Mrs Smith - we just took it as normal - as we reached adults we still used to address those neighbours/Friends by their surnames - it was a habit and a few people used to find it quite funny lol. I believe it was that generation because today I would find it odd if a child addressed me by my surname - I much prefer being addressed by my first name by children. I am nanny Anne to my grandchildren which I love and would not want that to change at all!

My mother (born 1890) didn't want to be called Granny so was called by her adopted Christian name. I also called her by first name as I did my father after I was married.I am granny and greatgranny.

I used to find it strange when my cousin, in her seventies, still called my mother...Auntie
L. However, our own adult children were horrified at the idea of calling us by Christian names, and I found it strange when I helped with beavers, and the children happily used my name, while the leader called me Mum

I'm 67, my sister is 69, and we always called adult family friends by first names. My sister and I agreed that our children wouldn't use "auntie" or "uncle" within our own family, either. It just seems perfectly natural to use first names and for us it doesn't indicate any disrespect. Each to their own on this one, I think.

In my post war childhood everyone who was"nt actually related to us was Mr or Mrs with the exception of unrelated Godparents who we would call Aunty/Uncle. Even when I had my own children it was still the norm for young children to use the Mr or Mrs title. Not sure when things changed but like a lot of things over the years life has become more informal and relaxed.

Everybody seemed to be Auntie or Uncle when I was small, I never started it with my children and I think the DGC would find it odd, mind you they have a lot more real Aunties and Uncles than I did. I suppose it was respect in a more formal time.

When I was young my mum thought it was a bit 'common' to call non family auntie, uncle so it was always Mr, Mrs. I just love the using of given name now. After all it's just a word, nothing more. Our grandchildren use the given name for their aunts and uncles too. It's not what people call you that matters it's how they treat you.

Old school friend's mum - who was always Mrs H - is now Dorothy. My friend died in 2007 and Mrs H is a reminder of her, of my own mum who died 19 years ago and a link with my childhood. It still feels very strange calling her Dorothy (or Dot when speaking about her but never to her face ). At 91 she is still a formidable woman!

I am now 'Ernie's mum', he's the dog. People very rarely call me by my name.........we used to call neighoburs 'aunty' or Mrs Brenda.....all gone now of course.

As a kid family friends were "Auntie" or "Uncle", but as I grew up they expected first name terms ans actual family I eventually dropped the "Auntie" bit.. Most I know are first names these days (older than most!) but I get a bit cross when I go into hospital and very young nurses call me Sheila without permission - I feel they should ask whether it's Mrs X or Mary before taking liberties. I don't mind what I'm called, but would be nice to be asked. DH is 10 years younger, so MIL is only 15 years older than me, so we're on first name times, but I did ask at first meeting. DH asked my mum what he should call her and she said "Oh, Mum". My parents always sent letters to Mrs Patrick O'Connell and that was worse - I kept telling them that my name was not Patrick

I don't think it's so much respect - although there was a tinge of that when I was taught as a child - but perhaps more of a pecking order thing? I think it had some merit but too inarticulate to express my thinking accurately. I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the first name practice from toddlers. Don't know why. Yet again maybe just an age thing. However, it is the modern way and I'm learning to live with it. Strangely enough I was just about to invite an elderly (yep....even older than me!) lady acquaintance of many years out for lunch when it amusingly occurred to me that I didn't know her Christian name. She's always been Mrs '------'. I will remedy that via her daughter.

I don't think greater formality in what you call someone when speaking to them has anything to do with respect. I see it as a formality established to give the impression of more respect between generations. I don't think adults/old people are more deserving of respect than children and teenagers. Because of that I'm perfectly happy for anyone and everyone, including my kids (I've always hated the word "mum"; don't know why) and grandkids, to call me by my first name. So nearly everybody does.

I haven't noticed any lack of respect, possibly because I don't expect any, though it may not be that simple.

My exSIL's children, partners and now grandchildren all call her by her christian name. As my Mum lived to 98 she was Nana Elizabeth and me Nana 'Daisy'. Now the older ones call me Nan and and the littlies Nana. When my greatgrandson was born my granddaughter starting calling me greatnana in front of him. But I said I would continue as NanaD as my daughter wanted to be called Nannie. My late oldest friend's boys grew up calling me Auntie. Earlier in the year I met them again and they are now in their 40s. They started calling me Auntie but I said no please call me by my name only now.