Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Welcome swanny, there is not a lot of elf, safety or fitness around here but good luck trying, I'm sure we can buy you some lovely gifts whenever you want, just ask, and you are very welcome in our lovely clean, hygienic bar and those things that look like cables coming out of the wall are the height of fashion I can assure you. I might have overpolished the floor which is why it is sticky. Large gin on the house? Slice of lemon?

Elf and Safety?? Quick roses get rid of the topiary in the outside lav. Menopaws flush that bottle of DDT down the sink, we'll have to spray Gaston for fleas tomorrow . Anya, did you throw out the dodgy vino collapso that Marydoll brought back from her last "outing"?

Oh hello Swanny, what a lovely surprise! Do come in and inspect our very reputable establishment. We adhere very strictly to your Elf and Safety manual that's torn into squares and is hanging on a hook in the outside lav. I'm sure you found everything shipshape, didn't you? Please don't take offence at little Gregory piddling on your coat, he's just showing you how much he likes you. And as soon as he's finished with your smart hat and id, I'll post the remains to you. phew

Mornin' ladies. I'm the new Health and Safety Fitness Inspector, so if you'd all prop yourselves up against the bar my handsome young toyboy colleague would like to see your credentials. And if that's that ferret Gregor I've heard about masquerading as a tippet, then I'm afraid the Public Health Inspector will have to be informed. This place looks to be on it's last legs anyway so you might have to find new premises soon.

OK ladies, carry on. In the words of Old Mr Grace 'You've all done very well'. See you again some time.

Don't we need a bouncer on the door? It was getting a bit leery outside last night with your biker friends roses. If sluttygran is going to bring those nice Naval officers in, we don't want them to get the wrong impression of the place, do we?

And don't you dare even consider stoat en croute sluttygran , my Gerald is a pedigree.

Nice to have you on board slutty I think you will fit in well.
Now, if any other Grans are interested in joining us,The Argy is in a well known naval town(city) Plymouth ( where the good gin is made too) we are down Union Street, between Tattoos R Us and The Half Nelson kebab shop.Pop in for a swift one ( ahem!) if you are passing, take the weight off yer bunions for a bit.
You can be sure of a warm welcome, and a warm beer if Anya is behind the bar
( don't get on the wrong side of her, mind!) and look out for the ferret Gunter, his bite is worse than his squeek.

Ferret pies are beyond my culinary skills, I'm afraid, but I do a decent stoat en croute if anyone is interested?

NO! sluttygran does NOT make ferret pies!
keeping my eye on you Menopaws

Welcome slutty! I work with retired navy gentleman and see many a navel and various other areas below decks without being attached to young fit bodies, bless them! My part time job is working here at the Argy but it is a never ending thankless task trying to keep these reprobates in beer/gin/sailors etc so you are most welcome to bring some fresh ideas as I'm exhausted. Do you make ferret pies?

Eurrrrrrhgh! (Slumps in a chair)......I can't do these all night benders anymore, feel like hell this morning, a double espresso please.Is that Jalima over there canoodling with the handsome lieutenant commander? Cor....I don't half fancy him,I may have to fight her for him (later) feel too rough just now.What's that you say Chewy ? I am rough anyway? True enough!
Ah, feeling better now though thanks to the magic of strong black coffee.
Now, what's the latest goss? what has Marydoll and Meno been up to?
Where are all the other regulars as well? Oh, yes, I forgot the fleet was in town!

I'm pooped. Did you like the link with "pool deck"?

come back soon sluttygran !

I could definitely tell a few tales, me hearties. That's if I was sober enough to remember 'em!
By the way, there's a commanding breeze in this bar - it seems to be coming from those pole dancers over there - the ones with the pickled onions!
One day I will tell you a tale beloved of all Jolly Tars - 'tis the story of the golden rivet which is found in every sailor's bunk.
Tatty bye for now, I'm orf to soothe the Captain's fevered brow - he's been taken short on the poop deck, poor unfortunate fellow!

Oh my Sluttygran , you are just what we need in the Argy Bargy Bar! Rat pasties, you say? Mmmmm! My favourite! Come and tell us about your experiences with the navy's navels. You must have stories to make our ears drop off.

I can organise an endless supply of sailors - I used to be a Naval nurse - and I can assure you that I looked after more than their belly buttons!
I've brought gin and a supply of Pusser's Rum, also some home made rat pasties and a few lardy cakes.

Come in, come in sluttygran! Anyone carrying a crate of gin is most welcome! Do you have more than one spare sailor by any chance? Marydoll and Roses get through them at a rapid rate of knots.

With a name like that you are MOST welcome. We need some new blood.?

Can one enter if one has a crate of gin? (And a spare sailor!)

..and modest with it.

I know!

Wow! You are absolutely gorgeous!!!

Thought so. I'm middle left side.

My husband says to tell you that I am the one on the right.?

That will be the one on the middle right then?

Jamilla
Chewy I am the most attractive lady biker in the picture

Well, I always thought it was
He's the Navy's pride and joy

You live and learn round here

Marydoll - badge of honour!