Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Chewey, have you been spying on me? How did you know I have the f******* condition?

That explains the wellies I suppose, and I'm guessing the overalls upstairs were those you were planning to wear for painting - only to find I'd finished it all without you.

That was very thoughtful Menopaws - and there was me thinking you had skived off.

I'm off home ladies to wash the paint from my hair and frame our prestigious Hygiene Certificate. Please leave the place as you found it and lock up when you leave.

If you are off home, does that mean we can have a "lock in", without you moaning about the mess. We are supposed to be planning Anne's party and you are skiving off.

how was it to know you'd installed cctv

Well! The artwork is very "interesting" Anya. Jackson Pollock? I honestly thought that you'd tripped up whilst carrying the empty paint cans to the bin. Either that other Geronimo have done brought a rat in again.

Yes yes of course Anya and of course those overalls were for painting and if they hadn't been made to fit a tall fit farmer I would helped you of course (grovel, grovel)

Menopaws this young farmer who came to the bar this morning...... is he missing any items of clothing by any chance? It's just that I found this stuffed down the back of the boiler today and don't remember seeing them before. Recognise them?

Ah yes they are actually something I use to wrap around the beer barrels and the long bit covers the beginning of the beer line to avoid it eh freezing. Thanks for finding them I wondered where they were.

Oh no. I just popped my head round the door to see if the tone had been raised at all and caught sight of that item of clothing. I must have fainted (I'm very delicately bred you know) I'll need a pint of gin to help me recover.

Course they are Menopaws , course they are. must think I was born yesterday

A pint of babycham please and a pickled gherkin for me ferret. Quiet in here tonight?

I'm too busy with my new farmer friend, help yourself people and pay me tomorrow......

Evening all! Am back from holiday ( yet again) so thought I would pop in for a snifter.A large G&T if you would be so kind Meno and put it on the slate, am a bit short at the moment ( five foot nothing...haha.)

Some people are always on holiday [grump] [grump] enjoying themselves whilst others of us have to clean the café, wash the dishes, steam clean the floor (what a mess you all make).

I think I am the one who deserves the G and T (easy on the T please).

Clean? Who cleans in here? It's always filthy, I bring my own cushion with me, you can't sit on the seats , they have strange stains on them [shudder]

If you did but notice, I have steam cleaned the floor while you have been living it up on holiday!

Perhaps you had too much G in your G&T to notice that your shoes are not sticking to the floor now?

[sigh] don't know why I bothered.

And I've repainted it in Shunshine Yella and we got a Safe T and Hi Jean Certificate....so their they're there!

Thanks for the Steam Clean Jamila 1066

Yes, 1066...... I think that was the last time this place was cleaned.
Anyhoo..... have only had one gin tonight so stick a double in the next one.

If you don't believe me roses here's a copy of our certificate (it wasn't rats it was Garibaldi)

Haha! You had better put your certificate in the safe Anya and speaking of strange ferrety creatures.....where is everybody tonight? It's dead in here, I may have to move on to The Dog And Porker, ( they have a lively crowd in there I can tell you.)

I've booked a class act for tomorrow night. youtu.be/fq49Gv3wFB0

Cost us 2 packets of scratchings and a pork pie but, personally I think he's worth it. Should be a sell out.

That'll bring them in for sure Chewy ???

Class doesn't come cheap Anya as you know, but I think you've done such a good job with the decorating in this place that we could maybe aim to get a couple of Michelin stars soon. Think we shou be offering food too. Something classy like Scouse or Cow Heel Pie.

Shall I get outside caterers in for tomorrow? I hear the Chef from Grubby Mick's is looking for work.

Great minds Anya! Grubby Micks would be great. Sample menu?