Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Menopaws Are you trying to be discrete? Everyone knows it's me who wears the BIG knickers. Any chance of returning them, it's getting a bit draughty.
Welcome Ourkid .We are a rum lot, but we are very friendly, especially if you are male.?

like it Menopaws !

<whispers theatrically > Anya, Anya ANYA! pssst, those "seedy bits" you mentioned to OurKid, they're not "seeds" as such. Remember when you asked me to sort other the new sawdust for the floor and I very kindly donated our Granville's litter tray leftovers? Well, Roses has been sifting all the lumpy bits out and she put the "big bits" in that bucket in the kitchen. Well....Ash came down earlier, asking if he could borrow a bucket to kick his brownies in. And he took the bucket in the kitchen...... Do you think we should tell OurKid or not?

The meaning of tenacity as described in the dictionary.....a group of strong, determined grannies enjoying a drink who laugh together and often need the loo. TENAcity!!

Sorry folks bit late opening up, too hot to move fast, anyway thanks for those who stepped up. Pork scratching all over the floor, Grant has nibbled each packet, from tomorrow they will be moved to a higher shelf. Who left a pair of big knickers in the ladies?? Oh well I will use them to polish the brass tomorrow.

OurKid you're in luck Ash has just baked a new batch of brownies....help yourself, but beware, I think he must overdo the sugar as most of the grans who sampled them started acting up - typical sugar-high I'm thinking.

Also best to take your teeth out when eating them as some of those seedy bits can get stuck in them.

PS I saw a small furry creature carrying a bag labelled Giovanni the Gopher just now. Does anyone know him? He was muttering something about being misunderstood by those bloody women.

I'm nervously pushing the door open ... will you be gentle with me till I settle in, please?

Mine's a Dubonnet and bitter lemon, with a couple of picked eggs if anyone's buying.

A couple of those brownies might help me relax a little if there's any left by now.

(Quick Marydoll get the tankard of sherry while I go and get the gherkin and chips, it looks like Bo is in a mood for a fight tonight.)

Bo, me old butty, I'm awfully afraid that we has no scratchins on account of Guy 'avin nibbled his way through 48 packets of 'em whilst me back was turned. But we do 'ave some very nice peanuts I've been saving for just such an esteemed customer as your good self. Would they suffice 'praps?

Right! Who's sposed to be bleedin serving ere? I want gherkin and chips with a pile of scratchings on the side (next to the plate that this) on the table. I can't stand scratchings atop of me gherkins, oh, and a tankard of sherry - NOW. Hurry up, I've been stood ere for at least 3 minutes, and because of that bloomin ferret chewing up me drawers last night, I aint paying fer anythink tonight.

?????

Oh, you're up then Marydoll ? By 'eck you had a skinful last didn't you? Hells bells you knocked 'em back! Cider, scrumpy, whisky chasers, Tia Maria, sex on the beach, Harvey wallbangers, Dubonnet. Damn near drank the place dry. And if you're looking for your bra, you'll find it in the cellar. Anya needed something to hang the new beer barrels in.

I don't recognise the phrase 'bar open'....has it had to close at some point?

Ana we have a cleaner - menopaws in a fit of madness very kindly accepted our Terms and Conditions of Employment. Please don't upset her.

Sadly couldn't get Il Divo but I have found a tribute act called Il Divo Benidorm instead ????

They are indeed Il Divo roses and, not only have they agreed to play at our gaff but they said they'll do it for free! We'll have to spruce the place up a bit so I was thinking of emptying Gareth's litter tray a day early, so that you can sift out the big bits and scatter it about. Be nice to have nice fresh sawdust down, in honour of the boys. Anya will be pleased! How about some peanuts on the bar too? I've got a big bowl of 'em in the privvy. They were given to me as chocolate peanuts but Gavin seems to have sucked all the chocolate off. Nowt wrong with the nuts though.

Oh dear, is that the time? I must have dozed off in the cellar last night.
What time does the bar open, Anya? Mine's a large one, anything will do, I'm not fussed.
It must have been Guinevere who woke me up, as she tried to nibble at the pork scratchings I was lying on.

Are they Il Divo ?
Will they really play our gaff for a fiver ( or a tenor, boom boom!)

No, no it's not me who's got the hots for those four blokes Chewbacca - it's Anya. Leave the booking to her - I'm sure she can negotiate a good deal...

Oooh yes Ana, definitely book those 4 tenors for a turn this Saturday night, I likes the look of them! Morning Bo? Have you only just surfaced? Was that you I saw slumped in the cellar earlier? I thought it was Marydoll but maybe it was you? Heavy night was it?

Mornin' all...

I'd rather have four tenners meself! Still, each to their own...

Any luck with finding a cleaner yet Anya?

Hope that's the drink speaking Hilda

Bless you Anya!

How about these?

I'm well confused now?

Are you suggesting we raise the tone of the place by inviting a tenor (or four?)

Mary what is this Tena that you speak of?I can lend you a tenner( tho' I won't!)
I can even lend you a tenor if you insist.....warble.

The stench is well whiffy in here ( I suspect Gertie the ferret) but the comfy sofa is just what I need after a shopping trip to M&S Summer clothes buying for DGS.
Hmm,what to have from the bar? an iced tea please with two vodka shots on the side....just the job!