Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

It'll be the heat wot duz it. I want a decent glass of something long, cool and fizzy - not that flat old dishwater stuff you call scrumpy.

I'm up for a bit of argy bargy.

Who you looking at merlotgran! Call yourself a wine drinker!

I'll see you under the table any time Jane,

Name your tipple!!

Just so long as it's not Amaretto. One bad experience will last me a lifetime

Or Pernod! Pernod became the devils bile to me when I was about 20 years old and shall I say 'It affected me rather badly' on a holiday in Benidorm. (moons ago). Couldn't stand the smell of it for years.

Then again Rye & Dry did it for me too but I always blamed the Angostura Bitters , certainly never the Rye Whisky .

Oh that's a blast from the past POGS. I remember getting totally wasted on Pernod back in the 80s. Can't stomach the smell of it now. Wouldn't mind a pint of lager and lime though.

Mornin' all. I didn't make it home last night and ave just woken to find meself up to the ears in pigs sh.. I thought it was an haystack. Shall I get the sarnies going? no need to wash me hands. Ere, I had a strange dream that some bloke with beady eyes and long furry whiskers were trying to kiss me, then he ran up me trouser leg....

If he ran up yer trouser leg he was probably a Leprechaun or a pixie.

Little bug---s get every where you know. Hope he stopped at your fairy garden.

That was no leprechaun bo, that's me ferret, Gideon. He's a nosey little beggar, likes nothing more than the smell of pig s**t (it takes his mind off how bad he smells himself). Very kind of you to pucker up for him; much appreciated. He was supposed to be 'avin' his scent glands nipped today but he seems to have vanished. I'll hang around here for a bit; he might just follow your scent trail back here.
Pint of babycham, barman please.

Well, at least *Marydoll's& got Gideon out of her granny knickers - that must have been a relief! He does get about, doesn't he...?

He does Ana, always up to something is our Gideon. Spoke to Marydoll a bit earlier and she's fine. Walking a little oddly, though.

Righto Chewbacca. I had a load of what looks like pearls stuck in various bits of me body this morning. Must ave been after sleeping in the pigsty last night...proves it's pearls before swine. Wonder why them posh punters threw their necklaces in there. Funny lot round ere....

Them belongs to the "pearl clutchers" bo. Never seen any of 'em myself, but apparently they're very common in these parts. Legend 'as it that, when laydees of a certain age see or hear something that shocks 'em, they clutches their pearls, all in a panic. If the shock 'as been of great magnitude, they clutches their pearls so tight that they snaps 'em! That'll have been our Gideon, I reckon, Lord knows what he got up to in pig pen last night. Might you 'ave an idea?

Ah! Who is singing 'My Brother Sylvest' ( has a row of shiny medals on his chest....big chest la lala) Haven't heard that one for a while.

Ahem! ( clears throat and takes swig of gin)......time for a recitation,

The Green Eye Of The Little God

Join in if you know it!

Think it may be the little yellow god

After that we could have a rousing song...The Quarter Masters Store?

Meanwhile.....mines a triple brandy with ice cubes.

Birthday today Roses? Hope you had a good 'un?

You're not having a triple brandy Roses. The last time you had one of those, you took umbrage at that bloke in a toupee making a pass at you and you swiped him one. How he got home with only half his glasses on, I'll never know. what did you do with his toupee ? You can have half a shandy and that's it.

No Birthday Chewy but Fathers Day and the DC came with gifts for him indoors.
Well, I should call DH him outdoors really, as he is a keen gardener forever pottering about.
Now, about that triple brandy, I want it on the bar right now ( or else!) I do remember that bloke you mention though, I wondered why the cat I took home wouldn't eat anything.....took 3 days to realise it was a toupee!

you fool!

See! You're getting bolshy and it's only early doors! What on earth will you be like when the rabble role in, demanding scrumpy and home brew? A small medium dry sherry, and that's your lot!

For those who can't quite remember all the words (it was a long time ago!)
The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1IacBE11Yo

Best to have at least a double brandy first before reciting it.

That pome gives me the creeps - I'd better have a quadruple brandy if anyone's going to attempt to recite it!

You have to stand on a bar stool to do it
(I have no head for heights so not me)

Mad Carew will be in here about ten-ish to give us the full recitation Ana

I should be well blotto by then so bring it on!

Right roses, off you go on My Brother Sylvest. Jalima and Ana can do the "BIG CHEST" bit and I'll steady Jalima on the bar stool.