Did you enjoy your babies?

I had my girls in '77 and '80 and loved it when they were little. DH was in the Navy so we lived miles from any family who could help with childcare etc so going back to work wasn't an option. Life was a lot simpler then, bit of a cliche maybe but true just the same. We ran a car intermittently, lived in a married quarter, didn't have a phone till 1981. So different to DD1, she is doing a nursing degree around caring for a 2 year old and 5 year old. They live off her partner's not brilliant wage but even so run 2 cars, an expensive (to me) TV package, have holidays in their trailer tent, etc. They do get time to themselves as either set of grandparents will have the girls for the weekend. They are around 40 and get very tired. I am not surprised, it tires me out when DD tells me what she will be doing during the next week. They sometimes don't seem to have the time to enjoy their children. I think we had it better, even without all the "stuff".

m0nicaI also think that many parents, because of the necessity to work, actually do not have the same opportunity to learn how to parent their children as we did. If your finances mean that you need to put you child into care for 5/7 days and for 9/24 hours then the hours you have with your child are often the more stressful ones before work and before bed! I learned on the job how to parent but I was with my children 24/7. I really knew their likes/dislikes, what that look meant etc.etc. parents now have less time and may feel more guilt so default to 'things' and going places etc rather than just spending time with the children. Sad for all of society as some children brought up in communal child care can suffer long term emotional difficulties, as was seen in children of kibbutz movement.

Your MIL was so right downsized, a wise woman. I think as others have said there are greater expectations on parents today, they often seem hell bent on filling every minute of their baby's day with no time to just be. When our children were babies there was often family around to help with child care and more part time work with suitable hours. My husband worked during the week and I worked at weekends to pay the bills etc. I am not maternal so was quite happy to let my husband take over child care whilst I worked.

I was a Princess Christian nanny and absolutely adored babies, so I had enjoyed lots of other people's little ones before I had my own.

DD1 and DD2 were born in 1982 and 1984, DD3 in 1989 and DS in 1991. It was hard work but I loved every minute of bringing up our babies and wish I could do it all over again.

It is much harder now they are grown. As my late MiL used to say ' when they are young they give you a headache and when they are grown they give you a heartache'.

Forgot to add, I did enjoy my children. I was fascinated by the way they developed and made sure I had time to enjoy their company, but I never wanted to keep them small and dependent and greeted every tiny step to independence with pride and relief.

I didn't have children until late my 20s because I was building a career, which I resumed, on a part time basis in my mid-30s. Not so different from today's situation and I read these blogs/media stories etc about being frazzled, tired etc with both consternation and amusement.

The differences I think are 1) that I didn't return to work within a year of DC's birth because flexible and part time work around childcare options were not available. 2) I had my children before the 1990's great redundancies, when companies halved their staff, but not the work load so that everyone left had to work twice as hard and many more hours for the same money and workloads have probably grown even more since. (I took the early retirement option).

Finally, I think modern women seem completely ignorant of what childcare and having children involves and quite frankly make work for themselves and rather revel in their self-assumed martyr status. Constant clothing changes for their children where we would spot clean, or leave dirty for an hour or two; fixing different meals for different family members, loading their children with outside activities that require a 24/7 taxi service. Shopping day to day instead of planning ahead and shopping once a week.

DD2 was able to afford to stay home because her partner earned sufficient for them to maintain their flat and live a modest life. DD1 was only able to have a few months off work as her DH's income alone would not have covered the mortgage of their tiny house and general living expenses.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time as a mum working at home but equally enjoyed going back to work and my career. I was fortunate to have that choice which is not available to many nowadays.

Yes, once they got to about 6 months!

I wasn't really that maternal, or a career woman. I had my D at 33 ( despite no precautons it just never happened before that). of course I love both my children now but at the time it was a case of "if I get pregnant fine, if not fine"I worked p/t from when she was 8 mths. and had excelent support from my mum.
I do think young women feel the need to 'have it all' the career, the house, the children. I also agree that housing costs etc are a factor.

Flossie - good point. My 3 were born in the '60s, and like you we had no modern conveniences. Cloth nappies soaking in a bucket with nappisan, no washing machine etc. I do remember losing my sleep though, especially with No.2 who never slept through the night until he started walking @ 16 months. I think he was bored.
No help - husband working and my Mum was far away, never came.
But we were all in the same boat, and had social support from other young mothers living nearby. I had some good friends who also had babies the same age as mine, they grew up together.

I loved having my babies and children - we have 5. We were lucky that we could afford for me to be a stay at home mum.

I enjoyed mine too I stayed home throughout with just seasonal p/t jobs now and then. We weren't well off but managed without pressure on me to work I don't think today's parents have the same simple life we enjoyed. I put housing and child care costs at the root of most of the pressure.

I did enjoy my babies, perhaps because they weren't interrupting a career and I wasn't trying to have it all. Parents these days seem to be so frazzled...

The context in which more babies are being born is so different to my experience in the 70s. Expectations/social norms have changed quite significantly. Even though money was very tight I was able to stay home to care for my daughters and only work p/t, or not at all, for a total of 6 years. nowadays, housing costs are such that 6 yrs of not having two incomes will be difficult/impossible for a huge number of parents. As well, being out of the work force for any length of time can have a devastating impact on a career /work opportunities. I think those background tresses will impact on how relaxed a lot of women feel when caring for their babies. Also they have so much 'advice' and guilt heaped on them if they do or don't do things! I am so glad in many ways I was so naive when I had the children!! We bumbled through and they are now lovely mums themselves!