But you're retired, Mum!

Or champagne

Maybe her generation has a rosy view of retirement. They'll probably need it to see them through more years of hard slog. I won't disillusion her....just yet.

I keep thinking back to a recent pic on the Gransnet homepage of a very trendy looking Gran watering her garden with not a hair out of place and no weeds to be seen.

How does one potter? I've never mastered the art.

She sounds a bit like you, Merlot. That's meant in a nice way.
One day she may be cutting her hours to look after you. But she's seen you being a tower of strength all these years, so it's hard for her to both recognise and accept that you don't have limitless stamina and resources.
Just tell her next time you'd prefer Prosecco

Nice about the Chardonnay though. Perhaps she did some thinking after all.

Hmm, why should you hold back if she is being insensitive? Say that stuff. It needn't be said angrily but I think it needs to be said. She should show more appreciation and respect.

Merlot..... some flowers for you? .....and ?Merlot!

I think I'd drop dead if I tried to emulate Jill Archer, Maw

When we divvied up the garden DD made it perfectly clear she wanted the smallest possible bit She doesn't even have to cut her grass as when DH is in going order he uses a ride on mower and does all of it.

I think my miffed feelings stem from the fact there are some much loved plants in her two, not very large, borders. I know if we had moved away I would neither know nor care what was happening to them but I can see them from my window so she knows I'll step in and rescue them as eighteen months of neglect is pushing it.

So....This afternoon I wheeled my barrow and necessary tools across the lawn and cheerfully set about dealing with the rose. DD arrived at the back door bearing two glasses of chilled Chardonnay, told me I was a star, plonked herself on a bench and watched me

I think it's called keeping the workers happy

I sympathise merlot but wonder what format "the" conversation could take without bad feeling. Your daughter is sounding defensive and a diplomatic approach will be fundamental if you no to say anything to clear the air. (Which I think you do)
Thinking aloud, how about ;
I know we/ I have retired but I am/we we are less able to as active as we were at your age, dad's health issues and frankly feeling my age etc.
However I have always loved this garden although it is yours now and if you like I could help with / take responsibility for (insert whatever light gardening tasks you would undertake) so that we can all enjoy it for as long as I feel able Leave that dangling , you are not Superwoman.

You know how much you did in the past, but telling her will go down like a lead balloon and if she feels guilty or defensive it could sour the present atmosphere.

Don't be a Jill Archer!!

I truly think our children do not see us getting old. We're like wallpaper, always there , unassuming ( mostly) and able to do everything we always did.

To think of us getting old is a scary thought so they see us as always the same.

I think when we retire the day is filled before you can look round. I used to feel I'd like to go back to work for a rest!

Well done Merlot for holding all that in and only letting it out on GN. I know the feeling, but believe in least said soonest mended.

Women never really retire do they?

By that I mean she stopped doing household jobs including cooking!

merlot ... maybe the clue is in you saying "our bungalow". It's hers now, so perhaps you should have fired back with "You're right, I'm retired including from doing a lot of gardening". You may have to let it become "her" bungalow ...regardless of what the garden looks like.

I've got a sister-in-law who was always a stay at home wife and mother, and a few years ago announced her retirement from that.

Yes it seems the time has come for an honest chat, Our children are often just thoughtless and don't realise we are getting older and less able. Sometimes we give the wrong impression by saying we can cope when really things are difficult.

She's probably so immersed in her own life that it simply doesn't occur to her to even think about yours. Maybe its time for a nice cup of tea and a 'lets discuss my life past and present' chat? Doesn't seem likely that she's going to work it out for herself. Good luck.