Rubylady

Oh yuk ruby - that is not good. I hope you get some action soon, and get to a cleaner ward.

I hope you hear something positive today Ruby. And that the cleaners come around! XX

The pilot announces that the plane is in trouble and they may have to make an emergency landing over the sea. The plane starts dropping dramatically and the passengers start screaming.
Then they notice there is a vicar on board and shout to him
'Help us, help us, do something religious!!'
So he takes a collection.

That's it jalima!!

Joke for you ruby
Three women were having lunch together and complaining about the problems of growing older. First one says " I sometimes find myself standing in front of the fridge with the butter in my hand and I can't remember if I'm about to make a sandwich or put the butter away."
Second one says "I know what you mean - I find myself on the staircase landing and can't remember if I'm going up or coming down."
Third one says "I'm pleased to say I don't have either of your problems, touch wood" and raps on the table.
A few seconds pass and the third woman says "That must have been the door-I'll just go and answer it."

Great jokes, very funny, made me laugh. (grin) Thank you.

I've been moved last night after 11pm to a less acute ward. They're not wrong, they're not pretty! Toilet had skid marks, toilet brush disgusting, used wet towel in shower room, tablets left on my table, chipped and dirty cups. No sign of seeng doctors so, no ward round so had a meltdown, nothing said about op, just felt dumped in a student digs took over by squatters!

Going to get some sleep now, chat later. Lots of love. Xxx

A pecker is a beak ( nose) ! So keep it up Ruby and regard your hospital stay as a health farm, where you can relax and get better.?

You mean like 'hood'
Or 'rubber'
Katek

It's one of those words that has a different meaning in UK and US! Think our version translates as keeping your spirits up, whereas the American one has a very different interpretation!!

Very true, it could!

Oh!
could be a beak then!

Jalima, I think a pecker is something Ruby doesn't have! ?

Why did the cowslip? Because she saw the bullrush !
Another from 60 years when most people knew what those plants were!

?? love and virtual hugs, dear Ruby x

Knock knock, who's there?
Europe
Europe who?

With thanks to DGS

Why did Miss Tomato blush?
Because she saw Mr. Green pea.

My favourite auntie told me that one over 60 years ago. Well, I thought it was funny, but I was only 10!

All the best Ruby!

What's brown and comes out of the ground at 80 miles an hour?
A mole on a motorbike.

How do you know if you've got an elephant in bed with you?
He has an "E" embroidered on his pyjamas. (Topical, huh?)

Ah! Someone who'll appreciate Alexa. She's been ejected from the kkktchen!
Alexa
Why is the mushroom always invited to partys?
Because he's a fungi!

Lovely to hear from you rubylady and glad you are keeping your pecker up (what is a pecker btw? does anyone know?) and that the food is good - and that they haven't got you doing the washing up.

I'm black and blue, injections in tummy to prevent DVT's, so it's all colours, huge bruises and bled out this morning on to my nightie.
I was very alarmed to see the bruises that appeared on my tummy because I had to inject myself (!) after I broke my ankle to prevent DVTs. My stomach was very colourful indeed, shades from yellow through purple to black.

I will try to remember some jokes to cheer you up, in the meantime here is some

A man was walking down the road stealing gates, but no-one complained in case he took offence! (You may have to say it out loud to 'get it'). X

Why do cows have hooves and not toes?

Because they lactose

No jokes from me I'm afraid - I can never remember the punch lines.
Hospitals would be much nicer places if you didn't have to be ill to stay there. I found the food in our local hospital is very presentable, you meet interesting people and it is lovely to be fussed over at regular intervals. It's the other bit is the problem. Just don't hold back if you're uncomfortable Ruby, it's in our upbringing not to make a fuss but they'd rather know and do something about it.
Fingers crossed the op is soooooon, very soon. You'll know it's happening when they suddenly stop feeding you!
More

Hang on in there Ruby, sounds like it is not all bad though bit of a drastic way to get your meals cooked for you!

Hi all, thank you for your very kind wishes, they do mean a lot to me. I'm still up, distracting myself with ebay (nothing changes!) and comforting a young new friend who is having a hard time of it. She has her husband with her now so I've left him to it. She's poorly and I feel so sorry for her, I try to cheer her up with my jokes, shouldn't really, she's ill enough already, poor lamb.

I was up at 6am for my CT scan and I had just got back on the ward when another porter arrived to take me to X-ray for a dodgy tooth that needed checking before surgery. X-ray man very dishy, so much so that I am now sat here with a broken arm and two broken legs! (grin)

I was told my doc would be along to give me the date, but no doc appeared today, so up and down emotionally. I knew it was going to be physically trying, but didn't expect to be on such a rollercoaster emotionally.

I am, however, enjoying the food, (that should start a debate!), lol, plenty of options, just need to test the menu for personal tastes. The Halal curry is delicious. To have someone make my food for me is a dream, and to wash up, wonderful.

I'm black and blue, injections in tummy to prevent DVT's, so it's all colours, huge bruises and bled out this morning on to my nightie. I'm also really hard to get blood from and to put drugs into so hands and arms really bruised too. Angiogram site the same.

I hope you are all well and please keep cheering me up with the messages, jokes would be good, or funny things you have done in your day. Take care my friends, love to each and every one of you. Xxx

Thanks ann, really appreciate you keeping us informed about our rubylady. for you both.

ann when you get to see rubylady please give her our love and best wishes for a speedy recovery. Big admiration of you for all you're doing to keep us up-to-date with events here as well as coping with everything else that's going on in your life. and for you x

All the best Ruby xxx