The evil of bullying

It was such a good idea Ana and followed a diagnosis when he was about 8. Prior to that, he'd been seen as an enigma. He confided in me when he was 6 that he'd been in trouble (again) - he said very seriously that he'd been very interested in the way the blinds in his class room worked, so much so, he'd undone some of the parts. He said sadly, "evidently gran, that is called disruptive behaviour and I had to go and stand in the corner of the nursery room". His vocabulary was always extensive and he explained such experiences dead pan because it was all a bit of a mystery to him, except he knew he'd been in trouble - again.
The diagnosis didn't only lead to him being appointed Librarian, so he avoided bullies in the play ground and no longer stood on his own throughout breaks, it gave him some status. It also led to teaching staff following advice from the CAMHS about the best way of channeling his brains.

Heartbreaking iam for professionals to have such little understanding and empathy makes me very very as well as

Some children do seem to have 'bully me' written all over them. That doesn't excuse the bullies behaviour in any way but I do think that we have bought up a nation of wimps because mothers (mostly) do too much for their children instead of training them to be more independent. On the other hand, the bully's parents have probably let them have their own way too much with little discipline in the early years.
I tell my young granddaughter, at the first sign of any bullying, to stand up and look them straight in the eye and say very loudly something along the lines of, 'I do not want to be friends/socialise with you etc. because you have a horrible personality and those who hang about with you only do so because they are scared of you and you must have a very sad life to behave in this manner. If it (the incident) happens again, I will take it directly to the Head Teacher'. This can be adapted to whatever the situation is but the idea is to nip the bullying in the bud.
Hopefully, he or she will be so dumbfounded by this tirade that there will enough time for the 'victim' to walk away safely. If a bully is tackled at the first opportunity they, hopefully, will back down because they are often cowards themselves and won't want to bother anyone who has a strong personality. The sad thing is they will probably move on to someone else.
Parent also need to deal with their own children in an appropriate manner if they are found to be the actual bullies and there should be legal or social consequences if they do not.
I read some of the comments on mumsnet and I despair at the mums who think their kids can do no wrong and that the school rules don't apply to them. You have the - 'My child won't drink water, why can't the school allow juice?' brigade or 'why can't my child go to school with braids in their hair' etc. In an ideal world there would be no bullies and no victims but a child's personality is formed in the home in the early years so make sure you are not helping to produce a victim or a bully.

"quizqueen" what a ridiculous remark,you cant blame parents for their children being bullied.My daughter was a bright intelligent and very sociable girl,she'd been an only child until she was 10 ,had loads of friends and got on well with MOST people ,not the boy who ATE her crayons in primary school because he didn't have the same colours or the girls who said she was a "rich bitch" in high school because we have our own business.The issue wasn't with her..it was them who were at fault.Victim blaming is not the answer to bullying!

Quizqueen your post shows how little understanding you have and your remark about some children having 'bully me' written all over them is disgraceful. You seem to imply that these children invite bullying and that they are in some way bringing it upon themselves.

As for your over-simplistic 'solution' words fail me and your idea that it's just one bully operating on their own who can be faced down - well you live in cloud-cuckoo land.

This page (and others on the site) might be interesting/helpful to anybody who wants to know more about bullying:

bullyonline.org/old/schoolbully/myths.htm

Unfortunately, it's quite old and hasn't really been updated since the death of Tim Field, the site's founder. However, it's still relevant, although some of the links no longer work.

Has anyone ever tried quizqueen's idea though?
Dont knock it until you try it?

Are you bonkers Abonet?

If it was that simple there wouldn't be this problem.

Really some people ....

Have you tried it? Obviously you haven't. She is talking about doing it as a one off in the first instance.Wouldnt work in all circumstances, but definitely worth a try.

Are you bonkers Anya? Right back at you. Are you trying to bully Anya?

What a thing to say by the way. And on a bullying thread! And just because a poster or posters had the temerity not to agree with you.

Some truly harrowing posts here. Juggernauts post is proof that bullying really can live with you for ever and eat away at your self esteem

I'm not sure how we can stamp bullying out altogether, maybe we can't. We just need to try harder to recognize the signs and to give children (and adults) the confidence to tell someone about it so it can be stopped before it goes too far. On the program I watched, the teenage girl had planned to commit suicide and even left a note, which probably means the bullying had gone on for so long she couldn't take it any longer. Shocking.

Brilliant ideas from Mawbroon and Iam64 showing that some schools really are working towards solutions, where others (like that of the girl in the program) seem to pretend that it doesn't exist under their roof.

Do you not think all these ideas haven't already been tried Abonet ?

So asking 'are you bonkers?' (quite a mild little term) makes you think I'm bullying does it? Suddenly we have the crew who think that some children have 'bully me' written all over them are squealing 'I'm being bullied'!

Ironic

And in fact it's not a poster having .'the temerity' to disagree with me because up until quizqueen's post can you tell me what I've said on the subject?

It would work in some circumstances I think. Yes. And since you have not tried it, you clearly do not know for sure.

Where did I say that I agree with all of quizqueen's post?
So please reread and understand posting better.

If asking "are you bonkers" is "quite a mild little term", do you mean it is quite a mild little term in the bullying stakes? So you did quite a mild little bullying?
And if it is mild, you will not mind at all answering the question as to whether you yourself are bonkers will you.
I always think that those people who ask questions like that are likely to be, as they have it on their minds.

You clearly do disagree with what myself and quizqueen posted, even if you had not written it up to then.

I'm waiting for an answer? Where did I say something prior to QQ's post?

X posts then.

So I said nothing prior to her post, you agree. But I had the 'temerity' to disagree with her. You can stop trying to twist my words as it's clear you have made an ass of yourself.

You didnt.
Do read but do read my last post for the explanation.

Oh, and I forgot the {grin] on the end of one of my posts to make it look as if one is enjoying this repartee. Though perhaps you really are?

So now we have ass as well.

So this is how it works when there is bullying.

What else have you got?

jayanna In regard to your post yesterday 14:25:55 you hit the nail on the head, unfortunately some adults think children that are too handy with their fists and feet or who are very lippy are cute and funny or that it doesnt matter as they are only little.

We dont wait until our darling little Prince and Princesses are teenagers before we teach them that fire burns so why wait until the are teens to teach them manners ?

Time for me to go to the library..

As I said, x-posts.

I'm not going to argue with you any more on this. You've obviously taken exception to the term 'bonkers' and are determined to see that as bullying. Yet at the same time yiu support QQ's view that bullied children have 'bully me' written all over them and their parents are to blame.

I'm not prepared to discuss this further with anyone who takes that stance and then shouts 'I'm being bullied' herself for no reason.

^ Yet at the same time yiu support QQ's view that bullied children have 'bully me' written all over them and their parents are to blame. ^

I didnt actually say that. Geez.
I dont know if I agree with that or not.

Do read posts very much better than that.

And I notice you dont choose to answer the bonkers question about yourself. I wonder why!

If it is "quite a mild little term", then there is no problem answering it about yourself is there.

^ Yet at the same time yiu support QQ's view that bullied children have 'bully me' written all over them and their parents are to blame.^

Thinking about it, no I dont agree with it in the slightest.

I do agree with trying this though.
'I do not want to be friends/socialise with you etc. because you have a horrible personality and those who hang about with you only do so because they are scared of you and you must have a very sad life to behave in this manner. If it (the incident) happens again, I will take it directly to the Head Teacher'. This can be adapted to whatever the situation is but the idea is to nip the bullying in the bud.
Very apt here I think!