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What is the best way to start new Social Activities

(124 Posts)
Flossieturner Wed 05-Apr-17 09:06:25

For the past 10 years have been the sole carer for elderly Inlaws and parents. They have all died now and this last year has been like being let out of prison. This phase of my life has coincided with my 4 eldest GKs starting work and the 4 youngest going to full-time school. I am no longer required for child-care and my DCs and partners are busy with their careers.

I have no friends, I do enjoy my own company and I would not say I am lonely exactly. I would like to join some sort of social activity, but I don't know how to go about it. The thought of walking into a group where people already have friendships is a bit overwhelming. I definitely don't want to do volunteering. There is no WI in my area. Has anyone any ideas how a 70 I can get a bit of a social life. Have you ever done it?

Nannarose Wed 05-Apr-17 22:29:26

I am so sympathetic about not volunteering! I do actually volunteer now, but I spent some time NOT for exactly the reasons you state.
Definitely look at adult education, U3A, health walks or ramblers, or craft groups. And as others have said, don't get put off if the first one doesn't suit you.
I don't belong to our WI as I don't, on the whole, find it interesting; but I go along once or twice a year to a talk I like, and find then that we sit around, have a drink and chat and it's a pleasant evening. I went along this evening, and everyone rushed off for various reasons and I cam home early! Had that been my first try, I would have thought 'what an unfriendly bunch'!

judylow Wed 05-Apr-17 21:48:23

I belong to a U3A Social History Group and a Discussion Group and where I go they are small and friendly (lots of other activities available). However, I must confess that I go with my husband and I have heard that some groups are not so friendly. Hope you find something to suit you.

JessM Wed 05-Apr-17 21:42:31

I moved four years ago form somewhere where I had been able to find very few "kindred spirits" to a completely different part of the UK. I'd done a lot of volunteering that involved chairing committees etc and vowed to have a complete break for a year or so.
The best thing I did was to join a "natural voice" community choir. It's just singing for pleasure, there are no auditions and the philosophy is singing for fun and "everyone can sing". I've made lots of friends and for those who wish there are weekend workshops, short courses etc.
I also joined a writer's group for a while and met some nice people.
And started volunteering as a gardener in an NT property.
I now feel I am part of a network and know lots of people.
Oh and started to learn a language in a class. 3 years in and our brains are still being stretched...
Some of my friends volunteer as ushers in an arts venue - you can pick your events (films, music etc) and as long as you do one performance a month you stay on the books. And you get to see things for free. (not terribly social maybe but gets them out and they like the perk)
Cruse is an organisation for the bereaved - a way to meet other people who need to restart their lives.
Join a religious organisation - there is a wide range of choices. Or a pressure group or political party. Both social if you join in with activities and offer to help and become part of the team.
Good luck.

pauline42 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:53:21

I think there is such an element of sadness to this post. To give one's time in later life totally and completely to caring for extended family - then realizing at the age of 70 that you want (or need) to develop friendships and not knowing where to start - there is just no "quick fix" to this situation.

Maybe examine any interests you may have had in the past and look for some local groups that maybe are linked to this interest - or probably investigate U3A group meetings - look up the coordinator of your local chapter and call them to find out more about the group.

Northernlass Wed 05-Apr-17 19:41:48

Not sure if anyone's mentioned www.growingolddisgracefully.org.uk/ or
www.spiceuk.com/about#.WOU4DbgrJmN
I go to a Workers' Educational Association (WEA) painting class - all abilities which is really nice and non-threatening. How about looking at what the WEA offers in your area? Ramblers Association? Keep fit/yoga classes? What about putting a local advert somewhere and advertising an informal walking group?
I volunteer in a local charity shop and have a hilarious time - not just with other volunteers but the customers too! Good luck in finding something that floats your boat. Remember that you usually feel good if you 'feel the fear and do it anyway'!

Frannytoo Wed 05-Apr-17 19:40:00

Look for your local University of the Third Age. It has many very interactive activities and things to do. To get an idea of how the organisation works look at the site iU3A.Org.uk. which outlines how to join and what goes on. It should be called the University of Enjoyment.

Terrystred Wed 05-Apr-17 19:35:26

I met a lovely group of friends through the online forum of Woman and Home magazine. We got together to start a book club, which is still running after several years, and we also meet up for a Supper Club every so often, either in a restaurant or at someone's house. Walking into that first meeting was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I took the plunge and it's really paid off.

Tallulah57 Wed 05-Apr-17 19:31:40

flowers

Lotie Wed 05-Apr-17 19:27:23

I would recommend the U3A. The name is a bit off putting as it isn't all intellectual. If you google you should find a local one. They have a wide range of groups, so there should be something to interest you. The other thing I enjoy is ushering at our local theatre and arts centre. It enables you to see a wide range of shows and you meet lots of different people.

Soniah Wed 05-Apr-17 18:53:03

so what do you do Radicalnan if you find everything else so pedestrian and forced?

lesley4357 Wed 05-Apr-17 18:39:45

Check if there is a U3A (university of the third age) in your area. We have one locally and they offer loads of different groups and activities - Pilates, history groups, reading groups, even exotic food clubs. Anyone over 55 can join and many people go there to make new friends . Good luck

Penstemmon Wed 05-Apr-17 18:31:24

If you have a political interest maybe join your local party? I fully understand why you do not want the commitment of volunteering but if there is a local National Trust(or similar) place near you they are often looking for volunteers and that might be so different from the 'caring' role you have been doing it would not feel the same. The advantage of that is that is is not a 'friendship' group so you can focus on the 'work' and friendships will grow coincidentally.

joannewton46 Wed 05-Apr-17 18:24:41

Join - your local bowls club - mixed and many members in your position.
Join - a local craft group - very social and a wide variety of interests cover3ed.
Ballroom dancing classes - often have "solos" attending and mix everyone up with different partners.
Volunteer at your local Citizens Advice Bureau - reception and admin staff are always welcome.
Local U£A group - most have a wide variety of classes covered.
Could you "teach" activities at a local school, older people's home/flats etc?
The main thing is to GO OUT almost anywhere, you won't meet people staying at home.
Best wishes.

HurdyGurdy Wed 05-Apr-17 18:18:58

Have a look at www.meetup.co.uk - all sorts of activities in local areas.

chrissie211 Wed 05-Apr-17 18:07:06

There is bound to be a bowls club near you and they are always crying out for members, young and old, fit and not so fit. Usually there is a club night and social events and lessons to get you going. 70 is not too old to start something new and bowls is not too energetic. Good luck and enjoy your free time, make yourself so busy you'll wonder where the time goes.

ajanela Wed 05-Apr-17 17:45:54

Only one person mentioned GN groups. If there is not one in your area how about starting one.

Look out for local coffee mornings in community centres and churches. Knit and chat sounds great as knitting gives you a reason to be there and chat is how you make friends in a casual way.

If you like dogs, offer to walk other peoples if you don't want the commitment of your own. I take out my daughters dog and I have never met so many people to talk to before.

I love playing bridge but that is a marmite thing, you love it or hate it.

Whatever you decide keep going and trying different things. Once you get to know someone a bit invite them to do something with you. It is not easy and at times you can be a bit disheartened but it is always better than staying home alone,

notanan Wed 05-Apr-17 17:42:36

I get quite anxious wondering if I talk too much, not enough, say stupid things

I think it's worth remembering that most people also suffer some form of social anxiety, so when you leave an encounter people are less likely to be thinking about the stupid things they said because they're themselves cringing about how they might have come across..

… don't let it hold you back.

Also don't make quick judgements about who is open to friendliness and who isn't. One of my dearest friends from playgroup never spoke to me at playgroup. She hung out with the same women every week and never repsonded much to my attempts at conversation. I found out later that she is cripplingly shy and does not at all feel like the glamourous aloof woman I thought she was. We've since connected through a mutual friend and she was worth the second chance.

In fact lots of slow burner people are the most loyal friends in the end

Bluebe11 Wed 05-Apr-17 17:24:18

See if there's an over 50's " meet up" group in your area. You can choose the activities you get involved with .... crafts, cooking, book club, jazz nights, theatre nights, cinema, walking groups, keep fit, opera etc Also there are loads of tour operators who cater for over 50's singles holidays, Saga etc

Flossieturner Wed 05-Apr-17 17:20:00

I agree that I should not set out to make friends. I think I am a bit friendless by choice. I get quite anxious wondering if I talk too much, not enough, say stupid things. So I think an activity would be better. I think this came to a head yesterday. I sat for 2 hours in a department store restaurant, nursing a cup of coffee. It was discount pensioner day andit was very busy. I was looking at friends in couples and groups and a smattering of singles.

cheerfullizzy Wed 05-Apr-17 16:54:53

Flossieturner, I'm in a very similar situation to you, however, still have my lovely wonderful Dad, who has been the kindest person I've come across, all through life, & although he's able to get out & about at 86, I always visit him for tea & a chat etc...but like you, have no friends outside the family and would love to make a bit of a social life, therefore have finally found something that will interest me, of all things, Calligraphy! I'm plucking up the courage to start this weekend..only for an hour or two. will see how it goes as not much else in my area,...Good for you that you've made a step towards getting out there flossie!...wish you all the very best , just do it! please keep us posted & let us know how you get on!...flowers

minxie Wed 05-Apr-17 16:43:59

Google groups in your area, breakfast clubs etc. There are whole sites now dedicated to regional meetings for people wanting to make friends etc

natasha1 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:32:03

Sorry kindle typing strange mês one next month.
Ten pin bowling 1st one..

natasha1 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:29:18

How about tem por Rowling, got me out of house, when i was a single parent and lead to more nights out with other membres. It was early 7-8.30 on a sunday eve bit some with out children stayed later.
A drama society not Just acting, sceneary painting, props, costume s, Maceió, selling.programes and raffel tickets, ushering.etc on production nights.

Learn a language, craft.

No on coach trip Holiday, often out of season, no.single supplements with some, and can bem vetou reasonable, mum 73 Góes at least 3 times a year and sometimes pays a little as £99 min-for Inc b, b and eve meal um decent hotels, with local pickups.

Good luck

quizqueen Wed 05-Apr-17 16:10:33

Opportunities are everywhere. Last year I made a new good friend. While I was out delivering leaflets for the Referendum, a lady ran out after me asking if she could help. So, could you join a local political party branch, if you are interested in that.

Your local Community Centre/library will have a wealth of activities- bridge, chess, country dancing, art, debates, book groups, talks, quiz nights etc. Try them all at least once!

Join a fitness/ over 60s' swimming group. Offer to hear kid's read at school ( I know, that's strictly called volunteering, but interesting). Go on a singles holiday ( I recommend 'JUST YOU' tour group.

Get a cute dog and everyone will talk to you when you are out walking!!!

Linbrikat Wed 05-Apr-17 15:58:56

I recently joined a pub quiz team and am finding it very enjoyable. We're mostly of 'an age' and the other teams are usually full of youngsters, who don't seem to know much, so we've managed to win a few times and win a few bob!