So do your children "interrogate your finances"?

Reading the article it seems that this man has a very generous mother, who has continually offered him financial help so that he can "have it all" - wife, family, part time freelance job that he enjoys, education to a level he wished.

He could of course have chosen not to accept her help and have got himself a well-paid job to support his family. He did not do that and has accepted the help his mother offered so that he can follow his own dreams. And yet he still feels it is OK to carp about her apparent wealth.

I am tired of this nonsense about us all being so well off - most on here were post war babies, endured rationing and tight budgets, struggled to buy a home with high mortgage rates etc. But our expectations were lower - cars, holidays, meals out, central heating, carpets were all luxuries which we mostly did without.

We are comfortable now, having worked our tripe out to achieve this. But our joint income is below the national average; we are capital rich (in terms of a home and owing to hard graft) and income poor.

I do not in the least dismiss the hard time that younger people are having (I have children of my own!) but the idea that this can be "blamed" on the older generation is nonsense. We all lead the lives that we are given; and it is clear that retired parents are in the main doing their best to help their offspring with cash and with child care.

We all have to lead the life we are given at any point in time and just get on with it.

Ironic that ex-council properties, that are now privately owned, can be rented back to the council for council tenants! My daughter (ex-council flat) would get £900 a month if she rented to the council. How crazy is that???

My son just asked me how we could afford a new front door! Answer- I'm a better manager than I ever get credit for

I think the housing problem will not be solved until the Government makes councils supply council housing

I agree with you about council housing Yorkshiregel. It is the only way we can be sure of good quality accommodation at a fair price. I look at the large housing estate where my dad lives (and my DS and his family used to live) and despair that a lot are being privately rented and seem to be falling into a state of disrepair. You can easily tell which ones are the properties still owned by the LA as these are the ones that are looked after and modern, whereas most of the privately rented ones are dropping to bits. I bet I know who is paying the most rent too.

I have two hard working stepsons in business for themselves (seperately), a hard working DIL taking marketing courses at the same time to up her qualifications, and a hard working niece doing her NQT (and she can control her class better than the veteran teachers in an inner city school!)

The young people in our family have been taught a proper work ethic by their parents. I went back to work in the early 2000s so the oldest stepson could do a MSc and the younger a BSc. They saw that I rolled out every morning early and did a full day FOR THEM, and brought work home as well so I could advance faster. I did not have the luxury of time in my 50s to just 'move' up the normal ladder for better pay or promotion. Because of that I now work for myself. My German DIL is like a mini-me when it comes to work... my niece is like her mum and dad who both worked after retiring from teaching (at 60) at other jobs to ensure a good retirement.

Except for special situations... we do not give or lend large sums of money to any of them.

I find the work ethic somewhat bizarre here... and to be fair, it's not all that great in the US any longer for some.

I think the housing problem will not be solved until the Government makes councils supply council housing. When I was growing up hardly anyone owned their homes. Mrs Thatcher ruined that by insisting that people should buy not rent. Of course that meant that the Government could then tax them to the hilt. What a great way to fill the coffers at the expense of the not so well off!

Is it possible that one of the reasons that so many older people (allegedly) voted Leave is because so many of us have been pushed out of the jobs market by age discrimination? Yes I know there's supposed to be a law against it, but like so many things there's a law against (don't get me started) it's effectively unenforceable. Neither do I swallow the propaganda that the British are happy on benefits - what kind of life can you have on £70 a week? We have bills to pay and properties to maintain too! My daughter said to me, "Well, you've got a house", but not only is it a liability to be maintained, it's not as though I can cut a chunk off it and take it to Sainsbury's to pay for the shopping is it?

No, my sons do not scrounge off me or ask about my finances. They know that OH and I have worked hard for 40 years and earned our pension, which we have contributed towards and also having worked for the Armed Forces we have contributed towards each others pension as well. That was COMPULSORY not voluntary. Anyone who has worked for the Government will confirm that.

We have gone without holidays abroad until recently. Now we can afford them because when we retired we spent our savings clearing the mortgage. We have taken them and their families on holidays with us often. We have helped them with their finances when they were made redundant or when they were going through University and also again when they needed deposits for their homes. We don't drink, smoke, or go out very much preferring to dine with our children at home. OH is as good as any chef in any restaurant so we think it would be a waste of money. We do not keep up with fashion, preferring to be comfortable not trendy.

So we have been careful with our money and that is why we are comfortable now, not rich, just comfortable and managing to pay our bills.

Perhaps the son in the article needs to grow up a bit? OK it is hard trying to get a PhD, I know this because my son has one. Even harder if you have a small family. Something which might not be possible soon the way tuition fees have gone up and the fact that they are likely to rise in the near future. Only the rich will be able to afford them.

In some countries a PhD would be just a dream. Now he has it he can go and work anywhere of his choosing and not rely on Mum and Dad to fund his lifestyle.

What an awful selfish young man. Time he grew up!

We are also having a comfortable retirement due to lots of reasons. Hard work, some good luck, sometimes being in the right place at the right time and being careful with money.
Our 2 offspring are not in our situation due to choosing the wrong partner in both cases and ill health in one.
We have/choose to help both to quite a large extent, whether this is entitled or expected behavior I don't know. We just get on with it and don't begrudge those in happier circumstances.

patriciageegee - you summed him up perfectly - "sense of entitlement" - I'm glad he's not my son - my DC have been grateful whenever we've helped them out - and now they're older they treat us - it's lovely.

I do feel for all the younger people with little chance of owning property and who don't have parents who can help. This is going to lead to an increasingly wide gap between the property owning and the poorer classes over the generations unless the government intervenes more effectively to help lower paid people buy their own homes

Yes mostlyharmless I totally agree with you, we are at risk of heading back to the dark ages where the very rich owned everything and the working class were forced to rent (often very dingy) properties at extortionate rates.

I read this on Sunday and admit we have given our children help towards house deposits. But this writer is nearly 40 and doesn't seem to be making much effort to support his family.
Why attack pensioners who are not all wealthy and didn't all vote for Brexit? Are pensions "benefits" or something we paid contributions for forty years plus?
I do feel for all the younger people with little chance of owning property and who don't have parents who can help. This is going to lead to an increasingly wide gap between the property owning and the poorer classes over the generations unless the government intervenes more effectively to help lower paid people buy their own homes.

Please ignore second post

I Magiemaybe I think you have cherry picked the article. I'm sure mother and son have a wonderful 'sparky' relationship
..

The generation who are currently in reasonably affulent retirement - and I'm on of them - didn't​ strive against massive odds. They took the path offered to them, performing with due diligence, but heroism was neither required or delivered.

Magiemaybe, I think you have cherry picked the article and made it look worse than it is. We don't know their family dynamics and he and his mum probably have a wonderful sparky relationship and I'm sure she's proud of him.

I inherited good advice from my parents "Neither nor a borrower be". I am, in fact, a "lender" in rhat one of my most lucrative investments is in "Peer2Peer lending" and I do use my credit card, but only because it's convenient for "rainy day" expenses (recently two of the family computers have needed urgent replacement) and I can afford the repayments because I've always tended towards frugality. But hate being in debt (have been there in the past). I check every now and then that my Aspergers Syndrome DS is keeping an eye on his finances, but would do what we could to help him out - e.g we paid for an online training course. We know we're getting an inheritance from MIL, but that's mainly because she's a home-owner and has some savings to cover the running costs. But overall, let your family do things as suits you and them. If they ask for help and you are in a position to do so, my advice is to make it formal at the outset "I'll lend you £40 interest-free for that text book at £10 monthly" or "I'll pay the deposit on your new flat at 3% interest: repayments £50 per month to commence 3 months from moving-in date". If he/she defaults, you are then in a position of strength - you can write it off/talk to the debtor and renegotiate terms or if the worst comes to the worst, take legal action. My MIL's estate is likely to go more or less in its entirety to DS, hopefully with an increase in value so hopefully he'll be comfortably provied for and there will be an small inheritance from my personal estate in trust for any gc.

I have 3 children from 25-36 all three are on the property ladder we live in the south east so property isn't cheap but they managed it they might not have mansions but it's home. I cannot understand why these young people Bitch so much, maybe we spoilt them growing up telling them you can have it all? The only ones I do have sympathy for are the single ones they must find it really tough raising a mortgage.
And as for that pillock his mother must be so proud (not)

Quite right, Maggiemaybe, he needs a quick kick in the pants, the rude, entitled snowflake.

My children are 28 and 25 and have never questioned our finances. In fact, when I said to my son that we'd have to draw our horns in a bit financially when his father goes onto a three day working week he replied, 'I know you and dad don't like to discuss your finances so I don't know what you need but I can help out.' Bless him.

My daughter is most generous with presents and the two of them are always effusively grateful with thanks when we help them out. My girlie also insists we will never go into a home but that she will care for us. (Not that I intend ever to put this to the test!)

We brought our children up to work for their living and to pay their taxes and dues to the society which raised them so generously and they have a strong notion of gratitude. I notice, though, that many young people today are raised in a 'liberal' manner to believe the world was made for them and turn nasty when they are not given what they want as soon as they want it.

In my mind the thankful should be rewarded and the thankless need the tap to be turned off.

The stench of entitlement is overwhelming...!!!

Presumably he is gaining all of these qualifications so that eventually, when he grows up, he will get a well paid job and look after his parents and pay their care home bills, after he has repaid some of the money borrowed for them!

What a luxury it must be to work part time go to college or uni doing something you love and being given various handouts to keep you going.

Someone needs a kick into the real world. Which incidentally (for most) is not massive savings pots, valuable houses, part time jobs and final salary pensions.

Mine wouldn't dare question my finances .When we die there will be a small amount in the bank for our 2 grandchildren and as the house will be split 6 ways they wont be rolling in it.It's not my job to leave them anything.

I could hazard a reasonable guess as to how much money our children have, and we have helped them out from time to time. They know how much our house is worth but I think they probably underestimate our savings (and I intend to keep it like that )