Malapropisms

Oh Galen I can't stop laughing !

My mums next door neighbour often had to go indoors when the garden was full of 'flying midgets'

I agree, gillybob as Galens post made me chuckle too
My MiL, bless her, suffered from terrible Arthuritis.

Our washing up liquid is hairy lip squid

Love them Phoenix.

The children at school learnt about King Horrid and the Slaughter of the Innocents. Also they sang
' Who built the ark?
No one,No one

"Next door's boy is going to the Second Modernry"
(MIL)

Various ones, from various sources:

Are you going to take your description to the chemist?

We were told that the fish was so poisonous, that even if you just touched it's utensils you could die.

I wouldn't mind cycling, but I refuse to wear those Lurex shorts

It's handy having a shop nearby, even if you just need a pint of bread or a loaf of milk.

That Fino sherry is too dry, I prefer the Armadillo

When it comes to relationships, I'm a firm believer in mahogany.

We have deliberate ones too and I do wonder if anyone overhearing them thinks we are all a bit dim.....' don't stick your knife in the toaster you fool you'll get electroplated. We call someone with little taste a bit of a palestine instead of a philistine. Washing up liquid is called fairly liquid and our utility room is the utilitarian room.

I always loved Victoria woods ' all colours of the speculum'.

Oh dear. Here are just a few from my wee auntie;

" Best to put a Muslim nappy next to the baby's skin"
" I'd like the wallpaper to have the pattern embezzled on to it"
" It can affect your menstrusal cyclone "
And many, many more...

A friend in Dundee always used to say 'Cool, calm and collective' .....

This is more a language thing but I had some Russians staying in my house and they referred to my lovely 'kitchen' purring loudly They also told me that they had been to town and bought some sperm I was a bit worried where they had been it turns out they had bought packets of flower seeds to take back

My mum used to tell me how perathupic it was watching the clouds float by
'

I've been laughing out loud, too - thanks everyone!

Ha ha ha !!!

Galen and Gillybob so funny i laughed really loud. Really cheered me up.

I once heard someone say 'sympathise your watches', and unfortunately, if ever there is a group of us, and we need to check the time, I always come out with that expression, and get one or two funny looks.

My mothers best was , when two jets collided over Germany, the pilots were lucky as they had time to ejaculate

That has got to be one of the funniest ones ever Galen

They were very lucky indeed and no wonder they collided. That's what I say!

Trolls are toilet paper here.

I bought my DD a pair of sketchers as he has trouble with his feet, due to medication his feet get very painful and itchy, he was delighted with his trendy trainers and tells everyone they need to buy scratchers just like his.

I love all these. We do use Malapropisms deliberately and try to keep making up new ones. I think anyone outside the family must think we are very thick. Our most used one is that our washing machine is in the artillery room.

I remember my elderly neighbour telling me about the holiday in Germany she had spent with her son. "We had a week in the Bavaries - it was really beautiful!"
And the friend who was telling me about their new car. When I asked what sort it was she said "I think it's one of those Chisellers!"

My mothers best was , when two jets collided over Germany, the pilots were lucky as they had time to ejaculate!?

Went not want!

Ex-teachers will remember that in spelling tests we'd provide a context by putting words into a sentence. So my mum helped her class learn how to spell words containing double letters with the sentence 'The children want for a piddle in the maddle of the pool'!!!