Malapropisms

Another of my mother's (not strictly a malapropism)
The cooling towers on the Wolverhampton road were so well camouflaged during the war, that if you shut your eyes, you couldn't see them!

DH just told me another; same aunt who loved horses douvers asked for gatucks. The waiter offered a selection of gateaux. She replied, ohhhhh, gatto. You want to get these reprinted son, it says gattucks here.

My nana used to have evacuated milk on her tinned fruit. I notice that one poster had dislocated coconut, well my nan's was desecrated! !

The other day I was discussing the Egyptian pyramids with my grandson and told him that a mummified body was then placed in an oesophagus.Cue much laughter from my daughter who had overheard from the kitchen!

I've been in hysterics reading this thread. What a wonderful way to start the day. I've read some of them to DH between bursts of uncontrollable chuckling and he started me off again telling me of his aunt who loved horses douvers before a posh meal in a hotel.

A friend told me she had been a posthumous (proxy) godmother!

Yes, it really does cheer you up.

What a brilliant thread ! Making me laugh out loud x

My nanny saw the cherryopodist/ chiropodist and the thisalo/ physio.
My friends friends husband had ammonia/pneumonia
She has an incliner chair, departments in her handbag
And bought her husband a cd for Christmas from the HIV shop.

When I was 23 Iwas in a Birmingham hospital for several weeks. Most of the other women were elderly and very Brummie! Sadly a woman died in the night and another woman said, in a broad accent" they give 'er artificial perspiration but it dae do no good"

A work colleague of my husband, taking about his very pregnant daughter, said ' She's going into hospital next Monday to be seduced'.

MIL had a builder round about some building work. She told us it would need a lentil to support the new window.

One of my aunts was famous within the family for her malapropisms, many of them medical. She looked after her eldest blind sister who had been taken to hospital after a fall because they thought "she might have fractured her pelmet". On another outpatient hospital visit the transport people were looking for a Mr Someone and my lovely aunt helpfully suggested that he "might have gone to the palmistry". She was lovely and never really minded that we laughed at her mistakes and had a good laugh too when we explained.

Yes, of course ! ?

Should have said "ravenous " bell

Funnily enough I'm sure I've used that for "starving" as well, whitewave

On holiday with three other friends as a teenager - I felt hungry and announced that I was "ravishing"

On the menu in a restaurant in Kefalonia was "fried aborigines" - we concluded this was meant to be aubergines.

A friend once told me that someone she knew was 'so thin, I think she's emancipated'.

Chihuahua. Spanish innit!

I once knew someone who wanted to get a little chee hooa hooa.

My Dad won't eat sandwiches with 'melonnaise' in them. My DM says 'they didn't have a wing or a prayer' (I think she means they didn't have a clue) and 'We went on the Tour de France' (A long trip not journey on a bike)

Not malapropisms as such but DH once brought home the English version of a hotel brochure from Milan. It was full of gems like " he was attached to his modem by the seat of his trousers" or "he had a few strokes in the pool to restore his yuppy verve" 'Nuff said!

A woman I worked with claimed she had been watching a steamy sex scene on TV, and she could see from the expression on the woman's face that she was having an 'organism.'

My sister's mum in law announced that she had been invited out to lunch by friends, so she was 'retaliating' by inviting them out the following week.

She also went on 'all exclusive' holidays.

Enid Blyton used to use that word quite a bit, e.g. she had Julian frequently ejaculating, when the intended meaning was "exclaimed" !