Malapropisms

Young son of a friend referred to the loft conversion as the 'loft confusion' - he was probably right!

Small grandson explained to me that he mustn't jump on daddy's besticles!

My daughter, aged three, "You are the best mummy in the whole wild world"

When I was young, we had a neighbour who could not understand how us teenagers could walk in those silhouette heels.

One of my faves is the dildo around the room,instead of dado rail ?

My SIL was once talking about ejaculation seats in an aeroplane! Last week she broke her polenta - patella! Embarrassed to admit as a very young girl I thought it was public hair .

I had a goldfish called Lysistrata. One night as one of my fellow students was leaving, she tapped the glass and said ' goodnight clitoris!'?

My aunt was very proud that her daughters new house had an 'en croute' bathroom!

A very dear friend asked me to look at one of her goldfish which she thought might be sick because it was looking emancipated.

my mil who is no longer with us used a lot of malopropisms: some of which were pina colera (for pina colada). Johnny Matches (for Johnny Mathis) and many many more. My children would have to keep straight faces as if they laughed or anyone else for that matter she would get very annoyed!!

What a great thread! I'm sitting reading all these with aching sides and tears streaming down my face. Hilarious!

A neighbour of my grandmother knew someone who worked for 'the Admirality' during the war; whilst someone else she knew had an alablaster fireplace.

Coming up to date, I see there a number of ways of referring to the utility room (artillery??). We call ours the futility room....

My dd1(aged11) asked dgm if she had been evaporated during the war.

My Mum, during the war, always had evacuated milk. Then she corrected it to evorapated.

My gran didn't answer the door to "those pesky juvenile witnesses". I presume she meant Jehovah's Witnesses

An enthusiastic young teacher insisted (after being gently corrected by a potter) upon telling her class about 'raccoon' pottery.
In a science lesson she also explained that water can be in solid, liquid or gas form and that this was called 'matters of state'.

I'm still trying to work out verdigris on chips (vinegar?) and guess that the Chiseller car was a Chrysler.

A great thread with lots or giggles!

Womble. - fawning, I hope!! Maybe not ...

Needing walking shoes, my mother was very pleased with her Husky Puffs!
I've been asked several times how to get to St Pancreas Station.

My friend once said her neighbour was erotic. I think she meant erratic!

When she saw a woman cosying up to a man, my Auntie Sheila used to say, "Look at her fornicating round him". Not sure whether or not she realised what she was saying.

I too have been laughing out loud, especially at the ejaculaing pilots, which I read out to DH.
My grandmother used to say a lot of malapropisms. She drank 'typhoid tea' and when she cooked the walls would 'run with condescension.' We also have some deliberate ones in the family (overheard said by others) such as saying 'It's quite imperial to me' and wall paintings are 'Murials'. But the funniest one Ive heard was years ago at a laundrette where a woman told me that the driers were a bit erotic today.

My granddaughter came up with the best one. She was told the apple pie was slightly warmed, but told her mum ," dad says the apple pie is scartly wormed.

Oh I don't blame youNannanoo

I once had lunch in a restaurant which advertised 'Open crap sandwich'.
I had the cheese!

My Mum sadly suffered with vascular dementia before she died and couldn't remember words correctly. We never corrected her, just smiled to ourselves, but now some of those words have become part of our family vocabulary, so if people hear us they must thinks we are daft.
Varicose veins were vicus veins
the paracetamol man was the paramedic
and the colonoscopy was called a colonial!

And what about all those men who have "prostrate" problems?