"We just have to count it as another day done towards the healing", I said once again to DH. "It has been 48 so far", he replied.

I do find a good cry helps when things really get on top of me - and I can certainly see why you would need one. I agree with the poster who said make a list of all the things you're struggling with so that if/when the subject comes up again you are well prepared. Is there anyone local you could ask for a recommendation for a cleaner/helper? Please come and 'howl' on here as often as it helps

Would a cleaner once a day just for an hour help you to get the house straight (including the bed!) in the morning? Our cleaner changes our sheets, super king size duvet cover etc which is a godsend. Do you send your washing/ironing out? Likewise delivered ready meals, is it Farmfoods which Ronnie Corbett used to advertise. Or "Cook" or "Deliveroo" if you want to go upmarket.
You have got a basinful and I would say you need to tap into all the help you can get for as long as you need it. I wonder if your insurance could not make a claim against the other party for some of the expense incurred?
Unlike your experience, we found a rep from the Stroke Association really helpful, also occupational therapy from the hospital after DH had a stroke. They had some good ideas some of which we don't need as I am able-bodied but it can take a fresh pair of eyes to see potential danger areas or suggest simple ways around problems - perching chairs, shower stools, grab rails, things to help put your socks on, a trolley to move things from one room to another etc.
Good luck!

Synonymous

I think you are right Swanny and I have found time to take a deep breath and relax a little. I think it took quite a while to process it all and then the "what ifs" come flooding in. So important to remember that the worst did not happen, thank God!

We have been bowled over by the sheer kindness of all the staff involved in care of DH and appalled at the conditions in which they work, particularly the sheer lack of the "frontline" staff.
We are very aware of the shortfall in the money needed to provide social care to enable patients to get back home and the effects of so called "bed blocking". This is part of the reason that DH was busy telling everyone we could manage but I feel it is counter productive if it means he is at home and we can't manage because there is then nowhere to go. We are happy to pay someone to come in and help but there does not seem to be a way/place to find someone with recommendation and who has been vetted for safety reasons. Everyone would appear to be intent in avoiding any blame which is quite understandable but makes it exceedingly difficult to get the help we need. By the time we find out where to access any help it may well no longer be necessary - I hope! Anywnay, another day nearly over!

Synonymous adrenaline got you through the initial shock of the event. Now DH is home safe and recovering you have relaxed a little and been overwhelmed by the enormity of what happened. You need to cry sometimes to release that anxiety and move on to the next stage. Don't ask what help is available - make a list of everything you find at all difficult and tell them. You may not get all the help you'd like but remember you are both saving the NHS and Social Services a lot of money by looking after each other

harrigran making a bed is not deemed essential according to the powers that be but changing the sheets should be!

Synonymous Wouldn't you think changing a bed was essential ?

?

Just adding my good wishes for you both x

I know how you feel about a bed being in a mess. DH is perfectly healthy but gets out of a bed in the morning that I can only describe as storm tossed. I don't know how he does it and you have my sympathy . After I had a hip replacement I just gave up and shut the door. Have you a neighbour who might help with changing the bed linen?

synonymous greatest sympathy, I hope you get the help you need.

I was badly injured in an accident in August and it is really hitting me no; though I made a good recovery (over months) I have felt a bit shaky in the last couple of weeks which I think is delayed reaction.

What is really important for you to remeber is that you have also had a massive shock. You don't say, I think, if you were in the accident, but either way it will have shaken you thoroughly and that takes time to get over, and you have had no space for yourself.

What I'm trying to say, is be gentle to yourself, try to give yourself little treats to get through the day and so on, don't lose sight of your own needs emotionally and maybe try contacting victim support on behlaf of both of you.

Thank you for all the good wishes. I had been holding up ok, probably too well, but DH was asleep and everything just fell on top of me. I went along to the other end of the bungalow and shut all the doors between us and just went for it!

I will accept whatever help is available/offered but have found myself at a disadvantage as DH is so independent and has told anyone who asks that he can manage - but I can't and they are only just starting to reaĺise it.. I was not included in the original discussions when discharge was mooted and DH just told me that everything was in hand.
I think that because he was managing in the hospital (where staff were available at the press of a button) he thought he would be fine at home too. Reality at home is very different. They ask me what help I need but I find it difficult (I am post stroke) to quantify what IT actually is. It seems like a weird dance where they ask what I need and I ask what is available and they go back to asking what I need. It seems they are not allowed to offer anything proactively it has to be a response to a request. I am just too tired to play those kind of games. We do get 30 minutes of help at tea time to get a meal which is certainly a help but on the other hand I cannot get 2 minutes of help to make our bed because it is considered non-essential. It doesn't seem non-essential when you are faced with a bed 6' wide which is in a big muddle after someone with multiple casts has fought his way out of it after tossing about all night!

Family have been to help in relays and were absolutely brilliant but have had to go home and back to work now, they live a long way off. Every day is another day of healing and hopefully when the next x-rays are done they will show signs of bones mending. As I understand it metal plates etc do inhibit healing but are essential to hold all the bits together to enable healing to happen so it is clearly going to be a long job.
I have had the furniture arranged so that DH can get around more easily in his wheelchair and with the binoculars at hand in the sitting room window so that he can thoroughly inspect the garden. So many lovely things popping up now which is great but tantalising - and making his green fingers twitch.

How stressful for you both but thank goodness he's on the mend and you can start to look forward rather than dwelling on what has happened. A good cry works wonders and releases all that pent up emotion so just let it out. In the interim just concentrate on getting through each day and taking care of each other

What a horrible time for you both. Good wishes to your DH that he is fully recovered soon and to you to take care of yourself.

I hope your DH continues to make a good recovery and that you start to feel better. When my DH was so ill last summer I waited till he was home before I could have the really good cry - then I had a few ! With any luck brighter days are ahead both for your lives and when you look out of the window. X X x

Synonymous What a terrible thing to happen to you both. A good howl is therapeutic, you need to release all your pent up emotions to help heal you. It may well be that the shock is finally coming out - it's not always immediate. Take care of yourself, not just DH, and accept any help that is offered. We're often too good at coping!!

I completely echo gaga's post. I wish you and your husband well synonymous and howl away if it helps.

synonymous how our lives can change in an instant!
It is early days yet but thankfully he is on the road to recovery and you still have each other. Sometimes a good howl is the best thing - it can be cathartic.

All the best to both of you and you can look forward now to summer days to help you feel better

synonymous I hope you're feeling a bit better for letting it out, and it's good that your dh is on the road to recovery.
As he's your carer, you wouldn't be human if his accident hadn't scared you in more ways than one, so be kind to yourself as well as him ?

Synonymous?
Adrenalin gets you through things at first, then it's all busy for a while, and when things go quiet, that's when the feeling of wanting to cry appears.So, cry if you need to, emotions need to come out.Hope your DH continues to do well, just being at home will have a positive effect for him.

The good news is the your DH is on the mend synonymous and each day should progress his recovery. You have both been under a lot of stress and now is the time to let it out and allow yourself to recover too.

I think I heard a plea from mawb for understanding of the strain carers are under in her post and I hope that your friends and family DO ask how you are maw - you have a hard road and I for one admire how you follow it. and for you too.

Oh dear synonymous what a time you and your DH have had.
I agree with all that has been said
re accepting any help offered.

A good howl will release all your pent up feelings an emotions.
I bet you have been putting on the 'brave face ' whilst your DH has been in hospital.
That in itself is exhausting.

I wish you and your husband a speedy recovery

I send you and your DH my heartfelt good wishes, synonymous. Have a good howl - that alone may help more than you imagine and is not at all pathetic. It takes time to come to terms with a trauma such as you have both experienced. .

Not at all pathetic synonymous - please don't be afraid to ask for practical help for the next little while, at least until you are both feeling stronger. Never under estimate the effects of stress on the body or the mind.
Take care

It's good to cry synonymous and not at all pathetic. As others have said, it takes time, but make sure you ask for help if you can. Your GP may be able to provide help. Don't battle on alone if possible. Sending and hugs.
Take care.

Just for you, it is awful to feel tired all the time, but surprising what a good cry can do. Time seems to go so slowly when you are worn out with worry and uncertain future, no answers just sympathy, sorry.