Treating parents like children

I've had the same with my daughter. It's often a sign that she's under stress. A quiet word, in private, about the importance of mutual courtesy and respect has usually set things straight.

I have always been interested in technology so I still have no problem in learning new technology. I don't think it's because we're older that most of us need help with technology - I know from other things I am not very interested in that I would prefer someone else to set them up for me so I can just use them, rather than bore myself having to learn about it. As we get older our brains become more selective in what they want to deal with. Anyone who is getting their children to set up their phones and TVs should be assured that should their children not be available to do it, and if they were motivated enough to bother, they could do it themselves.

My eldest daughter is very much the same but I'm sure her the fact she has been a teacher for over 15 years has a lot to do with it I do frequently remind her I'm not one of her pupils she is a lovely caring daughter and it irritates my younger daughter more than me in the future I will use the reminder of the bum and spoon

Yes, Marydoll, a lot of the time my 30-something children AND my 93 year old mother expect me to be the fit and competent person I was at 40. And at other times, they all talk to me as if I'm a bit stupid - old biddy to the children and young flibbertigibbert to my mum! You can't win.

I too became the "parent" of my mum who had dementia. I have never forgotten the day I was cleaning her up and changing her after an "accident", when she turned to me in a moment of lucidity and said to me. "Have I come to this, just let me go (die)."
I was heartbroken.
On the other hand, my own children are the opposite. They forget I am not getting any younger and still expect me to be the fit,energetic, tech savvie person I was when they were growing up. Now and again, I would be happy for them to take charge. I suppose it is a sort of compliment that they don't see me as an old biddy.

I always spoke to my DSs as equals, even when they were little! And they more or less treat me equally too now that they are middle-aged.

I'm afraid I'm guilty of this. When my mother moved in with us after my father died I remember we were taking her out to dinner and before we left asking her if she'd been to the loo. I wished I'd had a camera to capture the look on her face. She was 62.

Watermeadow, could you ask a friend to help you learn technology? Or surprise them all and go on a short course.

I treat DC as adults and they return the compliment. Mind you, like Badenkate I would soon put them in their place if they tried it.

rosesarered if it comes to that I hope they treat you with the respect you deserve.My late mum had multiple health issues towrds the end of her life,double incontinence one of them .The loss of her dignity was heartbreaking, despite the fact she had no option but to call me when there was a problem I'd often find her in tears ,apologising that I had to clean her up and clean up the mess on the floor/couch or wherever she's had her wee acciident.I loved her dearly but it was very hard to watch a fastidious and proud woman reduced to that state

Very true, roses.

Although Maggie they may be doing that for us one day.

I'd remind your daughter, watermeadow, that you taught her to use a spoon and wipe her bum.

Too right, Badenkate!

You are joking! My children would have short shrift if they ever attempted to patronise me.

I cut out the middle generation and get my 12 year old DGS to help with anything techie. He is always pleased to show me a new app, or how to do something.

No , I am 79 and DD1 wraps my scarf on my neck and tells me to button my coat , I am quite Tech savvy , thank goodness and can sort the tv or the phone sometimes !!