Treating parents like children

We have similar problem to OP whose DC don't realise we're getting older. I had a hip replacement a few years ago and neither daughter was either use nor ornament. One lives nearby and one a few hours away. I realise they are both busy with their families, homes and jobs but an offer of help no matter how small would have been appreciated. They just assume we can cope as we always have. Now it's DH's turn for the same op soon. I'm dreading it. I'm not as fit and well as he was when he looked after me and have chronic back pain. I don't like cooking and am not as good as DH but no offers of help yet. . . . Perhaps we shouldn't seem so fit and well all the time?
I certainly wouldn't accept rudeness or patronising behaviours though.

Oh sorry. Just posted similar to another post...Oops. Also none of mine would be so patronising. In fact my middle DS has spend a very patient hour helping my DH with new computer. Not one sigh or aggravated comments. Just kind and helpful. I would put her straight.

Tell her that you taught her how to eat with a spoon and didn't ridicule her when she failed first time.

I'm quite tech savvy. A case of having to be when my son moved to Canada and had to set up Skype. I have a weird eyesight condition and doing something on a computer is far easier for me than reading it on paper. Plus my ex wasn't tech savvy in the slightest so someone had to learn! My friend who has just turned 50 can't be doing with it and in her words "I like doing things the old fashioned way". Don't think she can get to grips with all the technology.

Yes, for technological problems, grandchildren are the answer. They use anything with a screen as second nature....perhaps first nature....and are proud of being able to help, rather than exasperated.

I am a technophobe sadly, I wish I could remember how to do the phone/laptop/tv/camera stuff I've been grudgingly shown just once. However, it gets in the way of important things like knowing the lyrics of every 1960s protest song, how to rewire a plug, which vegetables are in season at any one time, countries & their capital cities, & knowing my 13 times table.

I'm with you legs55 I quite often feel like that. My big problem is my DPs telling me 'we've lost the apps on our phone' when one of them (probably DF has turned the [insert expletive of choice] modem off). They had also never heard of 'mobile data' until I explained it to them . When DD and DGD lived there they let DGD sit on DF's lap when he was using the laptop and then would call my DS to come and sort out said laptop as 'the wifi wasn't working' as DGD had pushed the button and turned it off. I do despair of them at times but would never patronise them as I would hate it if my DC's did that to me

The occasional "hey don't speak to your mother like that" said lightly, seems to do the trick!

As my DD knows only too well I'm very independent (so is she) & I do have to sometimes remind myself not to try to do too much, time may come when I need their help, I do however need help with some DIY jobs (gave away most of the tools when DH died)

My DD is much better at the "techie stuff" than me, partly because if it works ok for me I don't bother looking further. One of my "defaults" is "I know I'm probably being stupid but", stops her being patronising

My DM is still alive (88) & still quite capable, lives on her own, we all worry about each other, I sometimes feel like the "filling in the middle of the sandwich". I wouldn't dare patronise DM!!

Yes, my daughter can be patronising at times. I bite my tongue on the outside, but it absolutely infuriates me. Last week we had spent a lot of time together, and by the weekend I just needed time alone.
I also have a close neighbour who tries to boss me around, and I feel quite murderous some days.

Well luckily for me I am computer literate and started working with them years ago. The cry in our house was always 'Mum the computer ....etc etc, never their Father. I have had to buy an IPad for him and set his phone up.

My DH has a very high IQ and had a profession where people were people were in awe. So I do patronise him when he asks me some technical questions about the computer. It is childish really but I think that's why children do it to us. They are somehow taking pleasure in the role reversal.

I think I'd just put up with it, because there might come a time when I do need it, and I wouldn't have wanted to put them off trying to look after me.

Be happy that you see them at all - mine live quite far away and I'd love my son to hold my hand anytime!

Hi Debzz No, I never do that. She didn't really mean to hold my hand, it was a reflex thing to grab me and then run. I thought it was quite funny.

On the other hand how do you treat your daughter? I am a daughter living in the same house as my mother and she forgets I am In my 60's treating me like a naughty girl and questioning all my decisions. She used to say the same as you. Perhaps you are treating her the same. Tell her you may be surprised if you talk to her!

My eldest daughter lives abroad and visits for a month in the summer. Last summer she HELD MY HAND TO CROSS A ROAD!!

I find my DCs treat me as if I am only half witted. I have found this annoying and wish I could make short work of them. I have a condition which makes me very tired so I go for the easy option of trying to ignore it. I am losing confidence.
SarahC mentioned that her DC does similar when stressed. My DCs may well be stressed too. They work all hours to keep their male OHs. Now that is annoying me and real old style but I think they should get out of their situations but they dont want to be single parents! I am not happy to be spoken to the way I am. Stress may be the cause for a lot of the actions of our DCs
SPF

I've helped a couple of friends (one in her 80's) to use their computers and they say I'm more patient than other friends or their children. I always suggest that they write down what they have learned so they can refer back to it till it comes automatically. Also help my husband quite often, who back in the day was the one who showed me how to use an Amstrad. Must admit not so patience with the husband.

Mines exactly the same until she they want a babysitter! lol

Yes mine does at times and I wonder if it reflects on the way I spoke to her as a child. Also she sometimes doesn't believe me when I say I don't know how to do something, especially on a computer.

By using age as an excuse for techno-phobia you're ASKING to be patronised.

I am a young gran (mid 40s) and I am the tech person for a few older friends who either don't have a tech minded child of their own or who's kids don't have patience!
A very good friend of mine bought a laptop. She called me to say she was typing on the keyboard but nothing was showing on the screen. Turns out she was typing on the keyboard of the old tower pc!
I have to admit I think I have less patience for my mum.
I think this is because I know what she is/was capable of doing. I really hope that doesn't make me sound mean ?

I have had a Computer as long as my children have and therefore there is no reason why they should know more. I also have implemented computerised account systems into the places I work on several occasions since 1995 and at the moment implementing an upgrade to our present ERP system. However, my Children still talk to me about technology as if I'm about 90 and never come across this before.
Th only thing I don't understand is when people start using initials instead of words, some I work out e.g. DH and I am presuming it's means Darling Husband, what I don't understand is why you would call him darling all the time.
Saying that and going back to the subject, my Daughter was terribly patronising to me last year and it got too much for me and I walked out the room. My husband took her to one side and I'm not sure what he said, but she hasn't done it since.

Precisely the older generation (that's generally us) have many skills that are alien to our children. We know how to bake using basic ingredients, tends the garden with hand tools etc. We know about Fscebook, Twitter and other things modern but have chosen not to use them.

Some of our children look for hidden signs of dementia when they are not there.

Love my mum but she is totally clueless when it comes to anything technological! She's still wise and funny and clever and taught me all the great important life skills I have now. Because of my mum I'm one of a almost extinct breed of people that makes ' real gravy' !