OH confusion!!

Is there any way you could arrange for the doctor or nurse to call you both in, for a "general check up" type appointment? It might be a start.

Yes...he listens to the children and he says he will see the doctor...but he wont...and because the actual "episodes" dont happen very often the chances of doc seeing one are a million to one...and I know that if any of you saw him you would think he was ok.but Ive been with him 46yrs since I was 19....and hes just not HIM any more....explaining things to him aaagh but he says i'm an idiot and cant explain anything!!!asking him to do something..results in a slanging match because Im a nag...in Dubai DD told him off because of the way he speaks to me....but he would not be like that if doc came...he just wouldnt...but ladiesvplease dont think i'm beingvawkward and not heeding your advice...I am taking it all in...truly...just stressed....tired?

I agree about making another appointment and taking it from there as he needs to be assessed

sue1169 I so sympathise with you, my FiL was like that, except that in his case it wasn't dementia. He was depressed and clumsy and his doctor knew there was a problem as well so had him coming to see him monthly, even though his only medical problem was high blood pressure. Every visit the doctor asked how he was feeling, 'Fine' he would say, then one day he collapsed in the street. Fortunately outside the surgery, which was also near his home. By the end of the day he had a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease.

The tragedy for you, sue, is you may have to wait until your DH goes for a walk gets lost and either collapses or you report him as missing, before anything can be done.

It is the 'Catch 22'. Neither the doctor, nor anybody else, can do anything about seeing him and assessing his mental condition until he chooses voluntarily to see the doctor and admit the problem. Officially until he admits he has a problem there is nothing wrong with him, so no-one can interfere - until the crisis strikes.

As you say, 'what a mess'. Would he listen if his children spoke to him instead of asking you to act? I know my DD can often get DH to respond well to awkward truths when I cannot.

Meanwhile stay with us, we can only offer sympathy and virtual but many of us have had experiences like yours, or varieties there of, and understand only too well the struggle your life is at present.

sue i dont have any answers but i would fall back on my usual, write DH a letter explaining very gently how the situation is filling your days with stress and list the his actions that worry you most and tell him why they worry you.
I hope he understands your worries. We are all here for you &[cupcake}

sue1169 you have to arrange that home visit so you GP can see just what you are having to deal with. They have strategies for dealing with uncooperative patients I'm sure..
I can see how difficult things are becoming..

Oh my post doesnt even begin to paint the picture..Ive tried to talk to him.I told him i spoke to doc..BUT he thinks i'm trying to make him think theres something wrong...that am making it up....and I do know that if i arranged a home visit he wouldnt speak to the doc and would prob walk out....oh dear what a mess.....

sounds exactly like Alzhiemers, and you obviously know that but can't get him to see it.He will be afraid to admit it may be true.No, you can't drag him to the doctor, but you can [will have to] be forceful with him.There is medication to help slow down the memory loss.Ask him what could be worse than not knowing where he is and scared?What a situation for you.

Is there a time when hubby is in a reasonable state of mind to sit and listen to what you have to say without dismissing your concerns or is he on the verge of being dismissive all day long,I would try and get his attention as soon as you are aware he can understand how worried you are and if not I would insist on a home visit from your Doctor so he can see your hubby first hand and go from there,& ((hugs))