Dignity in old age

Love your answer Chewbacca! I could not think quick enough to come back with a witty reply.

At my place of work I am, by at least 3 decades, older than my colleagues. I've never had much of a problem with ageism from them my steely glare puts them back in place but one young man made, what he thought, was a funny comment about "old ladies". I told him this....
As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you will be.

Recently had a charming young man visit from British Gas to discuss replacing my broke down boiler. On the phone to his base I was referred to as a vulnerable elderly customer. I run a large house and garden, even larger allotment and have lived with my lovely young lover who is17 years my junior for 20 years now. When he said "vulnerable elderly" my head swivelled around, I thought my late 81 year old father had suddenly rematerialisd in the room. Such is life ?

Exactly! I was not breathless, I was slow and deliberate because I had a wonkey knee. I was not confused either and knew who I had come to see.

Yorkshiregel I recently had a follow-up appointment with my GP after a lung scan. Some old scarring had shown up which was probably from 2 bouts of pneumonia many years ago. One of the questions she asked me was 'Do you get breathless on exertion?' Then answered her own question by saying 'Well I can see you don't, after climbing 3 flights of stairs to my room!'

DH is in his 70s and still working as a consultant Chartered Engineer with colleagues of a similar age. I asked him how this goes down with the relatively young engineers they work with.

He pointed out that they all had to submit CV's when they bid, and won their contracts so their clients knew how old they were and they got the contracts because of the depth and extent of their experience. Not only that, some of the work is quite physically demanding. DH spent most of last week standing round outside at an exposed shipyard in the north of England supervising the loading of wind farm parts on to a barge for towage out to sea. The weather last week was less than clement.

I do not think dignity in old age comes into it for him or his employers. All they think is 'he (and colleagues) can do the best job '

Personally, also being in my 70s, I have yet to be patronised by anyone. If anyone does, they will get a dose what was once called (approvingly) my air of authority

kittylester 'I agree. I've never felt undervalued and I do think it is down to persona.'

Nothing wrong with my 'persona' I assure you. I am as cheerful and outgoing as most people I just do not like people patting me on the head and talking to me as though I were a child. I am fit, mostly healthy, and I enjoy life. I just do not like being patronized because I have a wonkey knee and a few grey hairs.

I don't get angry, I just tell myself that those people who patronize have old age to look forward to one day too. :-)

Exactly Christinefrance! That was the whole point. Old people should not be patronized, they still have a lot to offer. I quite agree with you.

My husband was withdrawing some cash at a "post office within a shop" and was given a plain envelope to put it in and told to keep it out of sight. He is a retired accountant and can still remember how to handle money but it was kindly meant so he just smiled and thanked her.

In my Mum's Care Home she is addressed as Duchess!

I've not had this happen to me yet, or even to my mother, who is 98, but I often tell her when we're walking together to hold herself up straight - we crumblies often tend to bend over, when we really don't need to. Dignity comes from within!

I was appalled when visiting my Dads former GP partner in a nursing home at the way this very respectable elderly retired doctor was treated. A very tattooed porter persisted in calling him by a diminutive version of his first name. I know of old how much this person hated being called that. When I drew myself up and said 'do you mean Dr X?' this man you said yes and repeated the diminutive version. DrXs wife was also there. She's in the early stages of dementia and had tears in her eyes. When this porter left she said 'what can you do? They've got us now'. I was raging but didn't want to make waves. This lovely old couple might have had to face some sort of backlash after I'd left. but too.

kittylester I agree. I've never felt undervalued and I do think it is down to persona.

I'm obviously doing something wrong!

jane grin

I'd like to know when one becomes of the old pensioners in the street. I'm 68 and receive a pension but cannot recall ever being treated as anything other than an intelligent, articulate person. I've asked my white haired 71 year old pensioner husband and he doesn't recall being treated as anything else either.

I think it is more to do with one's persona which I think is what Christine and jane were saying.

On the other hand, I sometimes play the little old lady if it suits me.

In the olden days when dentists provided general anaesthetics surgeries were often up a couple of flights of stairs.
Anyone who arrived not out of breath could be considered as fit for a GA

Yorkshire you should have said ' the lack of oxygen up here has made me forget'

Obviously those who can make it that far are deserving of their appointment - or will need an ambulance!

What on earth is a GPs surgery doing with three flights of stairs? Or is there a lift? <misses point of thread>

I agree, Christine and I think that if you behave like an intelligent articulate person, then generally people treat you as one.
If I had mobility problems I wouldn't be the least upset if someone made sure the traffic had stopped do I could get across the road.
If someone gave me their seat in a crowded metro train I'd be grateful.
If I couldn't reach something on a supermarket shelf I'd be glad if someone got it down for me.
I find your reactions to someone smiling at you, or asking who you had come to see rather churlish OP.

I am one of those old pensioners in the street, I feel a bit patronised by this statement /thread.
I am an intelligent articulate retired person who still has a lot to offer the community.
We are not a different species from younger working people.

Three flights of stairs Yorkshiregel respect

My latest experience was getting to the top of three flights of stairs at the doctors feeling quite smug because I have arthritis in my knee, only for someone to wait at the top who smiled at me as I took the last step, and someone else asking me if I knew who I had come to see! Blimey! I thought I looked fairly fit, obviously not. No, I am not that old either....just a few grey hairs that's all.

When complaining to our energy supplier until I got to the resolutions team who have treated me with the utmost respect. As a 'by the way' I have four primary fears concerning older life - loss of independence, respect, dignity and choice. I do think we have to work harder than younger people to maintain all four because of societal attitudes.

Yes, asked if I would like to use the lift !!