How did you raise your kids?

I raised my children to be articulate and when they were teenagers regretted that, I raised them to love animals and was constantly asked 'can we keep him' (stray dogs/cats/ mice/ woodlouse) I raised mine to tell the truth and they told me our family motto should be 'eat out'.....they have turned out well, not sure if I was much help.

Poor "Snowflakes", who are unable to cope with anything that displeases them.
my children were made responsible for their actions, to be truthful [see another thread], learned to budget and to cook, and generally be good citizens. they have had their moments, but I am inordinately proud of how they have turned out!
Of course, they made us laugh, but they made us cry too. It is in the nature of things.

Love of animals, to be considerate & polite, good table manners & sportsmanship.

Everything else they worked out for themselves & IMHO they have both done a good job on themselves.

Mine do make me laugh but I hope being kind and treating others with respect and standing up for themselves and others comes much higher up the list.

Didn't have a plan at all, but they are pretty super adults now so can't have been all bad

I think I was too strict, my mother said I was, but then said I had raised two children to be proud of, but have done exceptional well in life. My daughter once told me I wasn't a nice mother, although she later said she was joking, the remark has stayed with me and comes to mind very often! Sadly!

They just grew, like Topsy, but have turned into three wonderful parents to their families, with MUCH more patience than I ever had, and we are proud of all of them.

Like Anya, I was going to say my children seemed to raise themselves. I did encourage them to be independent though.
I think children learn their values from the example set by their parents, as well as actual 'training.'

mine have 10 years between them so they each had lots of attention when babies/toddlers,no sibling rivalry and they get on really well and always have ,even now at almost 40 and 30 .They both have strong family traits,work long hours ,would help anyone who needs it and are very political .Both very sociable too and in our house we say we "fight for air space" as we all talk so much .There have been no surprises with them ,they're pretty much a 50/50 blend of their dad and me ,even looks wise.Both are brilliant parents of lovely happy kids .Couldn't ask for better children.My daughter however has some chronic health issues which are a horrible worry and I spend a lot of time looking for help and solutions to her pain ,although she tries to keep going and not let it interfere too much in family life .

I certainly didn't hold with liberal parenting values where indulgence and lack of discipline go hand in hand with ingratitude and disrespect. Having said that, our two children's DF and I let them have a lot of freedom intellectually and they could say and think what they liked as long as their opinions were supported by evidence and they were intelligent and amusing. We encouraged them to be well read and well informed as we didn't want antsy snowflakes in the house.

That said, some of the things we actively pursued came off and some didn't. One of them over worked herself at school and the other never did any homework at all. One had a very hormonal and angry few teenage years and the other hit a depressive period in her twenties. They are both wildly into politcs though not the same politics as each other - or ours.

They are very well mannered, hard working, taxpaying, generous, prudent, responsible and throw themselves into work and play. They are loving and, apart from the teenage angst, have never rejected their parents or been rude to us. They buy us knock-out presents and say they had a nice childhood (despite not giving the impression they were enjoying all of it at the time.)

How any of this happened goodness only knows as their father was out of the house working his socks off twelve hours a day and I was always a full time and much stressed teacher. I think perhaps that once they had started reading 'Harry Potter' they decided we were the Weasleys.

LadyGracie,my daughter always says I was old school ,meaning quite strict about behaviour and manners etc .I dont think I was wrong I went back to work when she was 8 days old and took her with me( self employed...no option) ,it would never have worked if she hadn't been atarted on a routine that meant she slept and fed at certain times and as she got older behaved well around staff and customers ...which in the main she did..right up until she started school.When she was 5 one of the staff asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up....Oh she said ,didn't you know I'm going to be your boss.....and she was .lol

To be honest I don't know how I raised my son. I was a very young, single mother and it was very hard. He was a lovely baby and a delightful child but quite a troubled teenager (he didn't break the law or anything but he most definitely had demons). He eventually grew into a lovely man who is the father of my three wonderful grandchildren so something must've been okay.

My daughter is just so lovely. She is kind and gentle and would literally do anything for anyone. She is the kind of person who could be surrounded by piles of utter chaos and she would be happily baking a cake or doing some decoupage or embroidery (she definitely doesn't get that from me). I wish she would toughen up a bit though as it makes me sad when she is taken advantage of. She has been treat badly in the past by a long term partner and whilst the man she is with now is kind and gentle they live separately and just seem to be plodding along, going nowhere. It worries me that she says she doesn't want children when she adores her 2 nieces and nephew and although I could be wrong I suspect it is a front that she puts up because she knows she may never have any.

Apologies for long post but I feel better getting that off my chest.

i raised my two children as my mother raised me. they are both wonderful adults - one a lovely, caring mother of two girls and the other a lovely, caring father of another two girls.
my daughter once told me that i'd "made a good job of them" which i took as a wonderful compliment as my daughter wasn't [and still isn't] good at communicating her innermost feelings.
however both of them appear to be raising their children the way i brought them up.

I brought them up to be kind, considerate,respectful and polite also to be responsible for their own actions. They are fun loving and always laughing, they enjoy life to the full. Now they have families of their own and are bringing their own up the same way except that they are more aware of what affects the environment than we ever were, which is a good thing imo.

I don't think we had any plan for bringing up our two sons. We talked to them and listened to them: we didn't run our lives around them, but they knew they were important and loved; we didn't fill their time with activity - so they learnt how to entertain themselves and not get bored; we discussed the problems of the day and they were always aware of what was going on; we moved around so family was important to them and the support it gives. And they had the example of their father, who worked hard. loved his family, was caring and considerate but not easily fooled - and they have both grown up into men I am very proud of

Growing up, my siblings and I were pretty much left to our own devices. There was food in the cupboards which we had to prepare for ourselves and water in the tap. So desperate was I to get away that I married into an abusive situation and when my son was about ten months old I filed for divorce. Consequently I have very low self esteem. I vowed to myself that my son would never have to go through what we went through as children. He always went to school with breakfast in his belly and smart clothes on his back and I made a point of assuring him regularly how clever he was and that he could aspire to be anything he wanted to be. He now has a good job making a comfortable amount of money for his family and he is well adjusted and confident and I continue to be very proud of him. I don't think you need to spend huge amounts of money on children, it's all emotional.

To be compassionate, honest, put themselves in the shoes of others at times, to try not to take life too seriously, and remember that in this life you can laugh, or you can cry, so choose to laugh. I was left nothing of any material value by my father, but what he did hand down to me was a happy heart and an unconquerable soul, and that was the greatest gift - I have tried to pass those one to my children.

Muddled through as best I could. Tried tinstill good manners, consideration for others etc. Surprisingly theyve all turned out well - good parents with great senses of humour.

I hope I brought them up to be nice, kind, reliable human beings. I think they are, and I'm sure they had more sense in their teens and 20s than I ever did! One dd did go through a studenty phase of being pretty hopeless with money - probably partly our fault* but learned the hard way when she went travelling post graduation - strictly no access to Bank of M and D any more except in the most dire emergency.
*dh and I were permanently broke when young, both with hard up parents, and we didn't want dds to be like we were, never having or being able to do what so many of our contemporaries had or did. Hence probably a bit of spoiling, but dds never behaved like spoilt/entitled brats and I don't regret any of it.

I didn't give it a thought, we muddled along and got through it as best we could.

Our DS (only child) was brought up to be polite, caring, compassionate, to see the funny side of everything, to know that we're all equal, be it bin man or King, and most of all, if you want something you have to work for it, the world owes no-one a living!
He's turned out to be a thoroughly nice man, so we must have done something right,

I don't think I particularly raised either of my girls. Just lived with them, and that was fine. Had to put more effort in with son, which didn't actually make the slightest bit of difference. He is what he is. A lot of natural loving kindness in him, with so much other stuff thrown in.

Tbh I think most people, perhaps everyone, are simply the person they are at birth.

I've been thinking about this, and yes I think I agree with you, bellsisabelle - most are to a great extent simply the person they are at birth.

I'm not convinced you can raise your children to be funny so they can make you laugh! And some will never be 'kickass' because it's not in their nature...

I suppose you can only do your best to influence them, but tbh I was too busy working to pay the mortgage to overthink the 'raising' aspect.

The best we could given the fact that we were seriously outnumbered!

I'm not sure anything we did influenced their personalities but they are all thoughtful, kind and good parents. They work hard at their relationships and their jobs. I'm proud of them but don't think it was a lot to do with DH and I!

In fact, my mum took credit for them once when she said that you know you have been a good parent when your children are good parents themselves.