Are you doing EXACTLY what you want at Christmas?

Happiness is all about expectations and managing them, From past experience and from gleaning others' views such as those posted on Gransnet I generally expect Christmas to be awkward, inconvenient, a source of quarrels and dissatisfaction, a nurturer of colds, overindulgence and illness. People will be tired, selfish, disappointed, hungover, grumpy and sniffly.

Despite this I look forward to it and to being with my family for some part of the holidays. I am giving way to others' requirements for some of it and am shifting 'my' days to those other than Christmas Day itself. I have to cater for Christmas, a big milestone birthday, a New Year and a surprise party. It is what it is. Happiness happens in the interstices of life and overcomes you when you are not expecting it.

Last year at Christmas my DH was undergoing invasive and frightening tests for prostate cancer and this year he isn't having been found clear of everything. That's a present in itself.

That said, I bet we have our 'moments'!

Mine will be just how I like it, DD's Christmas morning (brilliant as I only live 10 miles away now & DVLA are letting me drive this year!!!!), Lunch & leave at 3.00 on DD's request. Evening is Drinks at neighbours.

Rest of Festive period I will please myself - a luxury now I'm on my own although I will miss DH to share this with & previous large Boxing Day get together with all Family. However being an only child, widowed & only 1 DD does have it's compensations

Just visited DM who is 300 miles away - she will be "home alone" again but at 87 doesn't want to travel, her Lunch is already planned - very luxurious (not my taste) & she's already got her Presents from me & DD

Tapas and aperos with Polish friends on 24th then on to French friends for enormous blowout Reveillon. German friends here on Christmas Day when we will share work and cost. Mulled wine and nibbles here on Sunday for marauding hordes. Joy on 26th DD,DSiL, DGS and DGD arrive for a week. Just wish DS, DDiL and eldest DGD could be here too.

So very international and not everything loaded on me which it always was for many,many years.

Have a great Christmas everyone, whatever you decide to do.

DGS (2 years) had a hernia operation this week, which could have been serious, adhering to the bowel, but it wasn't, and he is fine. I had an op two weeks ago for breast cancer and the prognosis is very good, radiotherapy in the New Year, but no chemo. So no matter what Christmas is like, I'm just pretty damn glad to be alive - ho ho ho

I have been badly let down by Brad Pitt and frankly cannot believe that he and Aiden Turner, Sean Bean and Russell Brad all had previous engagements. Me and Ernie (the dog) again

Christmas day we spend on our own and its lovely. Then son and family come boxing day and thats lovely too. My Christmases' are perfect.
I am very lucky

radicalnan ? After a stressful few months involving one of my DS's marital problems we will wake up to an empty house on Christmas morning - bliss! Never thought I would hear myself say that. Dinner at DD's then home to the dog who wil need a walk. Family staying from 27th but I will have re-charged my batteries by then.

Breakfast with son no1&family at theirs..then off to a hotel for dinner with son no3&family.in between skype son no2&family in Australia..happy/sad!!! And skype our youngest in Dubai...shes expecting her first baby in Jan so ticket booked to be with her&son in law to help for few weeks? Happy Christmas Gransnetters whatever you do ✨??✨

Same here radicalnan, maybe they haven't received their invitations yet.

Yes doing exactly as we want - DS visiting on Christmas morning with family to swap gifts but after that we will be having lovely meal - beef and all the trimmings just the two of us. Last couple of Christmases we've gone to DS and year before DDs. All very nice but we want to have the day at home this year for a change. We understand that with young children they all want to be in their own homes now. We will be hosting an 'at home' between Christmas and New Year when they all come to us - bringing a dish and we'll have the traditional family get together and play games. The DGC are into Charades and UNO. Boxing day we will be visiting the cemetery where my parents were laid to rest. Have already taken a Christmas display there for the period. The area is always beautiful at this time of year with many people taking Christmas themed planters for their relatives no longer here.

Doing what I choose , bit different to doing what I want. Not celebrating it in anyway, apart from attending Mass

We are going to our youngest sons with our DD and SIL. They have the 2 youngest GKs so am looking forward to it. My Dil has lovely parents who will be there too. Sadly her mum is seriously ill, so might not make next year's Christmas.

A little while ago we were discussing how much the GKs adore their grandad. She said "I am so glad because they might only have him soon". She said it so simply, it really made me count my blessings, and good health.

After hosting family Christmases for nearly 50 years and my lovely Mum living with us for the last 11 years of her life, my DH and I are spending our very first Christmas alone doing just whatever we want. Doubt if we will even bother with Christmas dinner. As we live abroad we would have to stay in a hotel if we go to see the family so we thought we would prefer to just stay at home with the dogs this year.

Nothing - we are lucky that everybody gets on Parents, children, grandchildren and in-laws. Everybody is easy going - nobody says we must see grandchildren open their presents or do you have to go so early. Just appreciate the moment.

Doing EXACTLY what we want this Christmas, going to Cornwall, that is if BA doesnt strike and messs up all the plans, I am just living in hopes!

Lots of fun will be had - but not EXACTLY what I might wish. My favourite meal of the year is on Boxing Day with cold turkey and all the leftovers. As we will be elsewhere on Christmas day and someone else will be cooking, I will miss out on this. So I plan to cook turkey breast on Christmas Eve and create a Boxing Day meal here for the 2 of us - or probably the one of us as OH is not really into eating (except chocolate!)

Lillie your description of managing family dynamics sounds very like me!! My old boy, who is one of 3 himself, doesn't seem to notice/let's it all wash over him and can't understand why I'm busy fretting and trying to keep everyone happy!

Absolutely, what I want. I love Christmas. I love the planning and when all the family arrive they know my parameters; I will prepare one (preplanned) meal a day, and after that they look after themselves. If what they want isn't in the house they go out and buy it for themselves.

It means that everyone plays their part in making the festival go well and I have a relaxed and enjoyable Christmas and can join in all the fun and do not end up tired and exhausted.

I shall be at home with my daughter, her husband and their 2 little boys. One of my other daughters is coming with her boyfriend on Christmas Day for supper. They are going to his parents for lunch. My other 2 daughters are going abroad with their boyfriends. We will go to Church and then have a turkey lunch. A few presents before lunch to keep the boys amused. A few afterwards and then a few more when Auntie arrives. We've not heard from my son-in-laws parents about Christmas. They have a very small house so sometimes entertain at the pub. No washing up which is nice. We do talk about the real meaning of Christmas which is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. BTW he wasn't born in a stable but in the main room of St. Joseph's cousin's house. St Luke wrote that there was no room in the bedroom of the house not an inn. However when The King James' Authorised version was published he changed it into Inn to discredit the Jews. There were no Inns in Bethleham then. Jesus was very much welcomed when he was born and loved by his family.

We have to have plan A and plan B because DS2 is a pilot and never knows when he will be home. I won't bore you with all the details. We may be spending Christmas Day on our own this year. If we do it will be fillet steak and chips and plenty of wine as no driving. Boxing Day is at DS2's house and we go up the A34 to DS1's family for a couple of days on 27th. DH tends to like his own bed these days so has to be persuaded to stay at childrens houses! MIL is 102 years old and we will need to visit her at her care home around Christmas but it is a long drive around the M25 to Essex from here in Dorset.

I am going into hospital tomorrow for bladder investigation. Will be in for a couple of days. I have the whole family coming for Christmas Day 11 of us, which is lovely! But really can't think beyond tomorrow am trying hard to be organised but so wish I could have gone to someone else's this year. DH is in a wheelchair and is difficult visiting other people's, also I don't like driving in the dark so DD thinks it better to have it here as usual, I am sure they will all help but there is always so much to think about and prepare to make it special for everyone and the five young grandchildren. Glad they still love Christmas here and will do it for as long as I can. Happy Christmas everyone

Perhaps not EXACTLY. I am very happy to have a family Christmas at home but with a talented chef preparing the dinner and clearing up afterwards! Other than that, I count my blessings.

I have put my foot down... I have had invites for Christmas bu intend spending it on my own. I will cook a lovely vegetarian lunch, watch a couple of Christmas DVDs and open a bottle of Baileys. Oh and I will have Champagne with lunch. No driving anywhere...brilliant.

I will see all my children and grandchildren in the week running up to Christmas. I have to work on Boxing day...oh well!

Yes! I'm cruising.

Daddima, can I come with you please? That's what I'd really like to do.
Radicalnan - sorry they are all coming to my place.