sharing chores

When I first moved in with my second husband, who was a widower, his villa was beautifully clean and tidy (it was new, anyway ) He had established a routine since his late wife died ....wash down deck (actually the patio ...but he was also an ex RN Sailor !) ...wash floors, tidy up ..nothing on show ! and this all by 08.30 hours ! Sunday morning ironing ...so WHY when I moved in did this all suddenly become MY job ? I am sure he only married again so he could give it all up .....he was however forever making things in his workshop, gardening, painting everything that stood still..and, I kid you NOT ...as regards the toothbrush, he would yell out to ask if I was getting in the pool any more tha day ...and would then proceed to clean the entire surrounding tiled area on view at the top of the pool with acid and a TOOTHBRUSH !!...sadly he also now has debut vasculaire dementia so life has taken on a whole new meaning although he still insists on doing everything he can ..It is really difficult to stop him climbing ladders and using power tools .....

Is there no-one else here who still has adult children at home? I'm a widow with 2 sons at home, one of whom is unemployed. I also have my other son and my 2 DGDs at weekends. I do almost all the housework. My unemployed son occasionally loads or empties the dishwasher and occasionally cooks and he occasionally does DIY. My youngest occasionally does some gardening.
I can't wait for them to leave so I can downsize and only clean up after myself. For those who say get them to do it, it doesn't work. After my hysterectomy, no floors were hoovered or washed for 2 months. Nagging or reasoning doesn't work.

I cannot remember the last time I got up eith nothing to do.
It would be lovely to have a day to myself but it will not happen. Is this that unusual?

Newly married, 1971, first night in our tiny flat, ex hubby placed his shoes outside our bedroom door. When asked why he explained that his mother always cleaned these for the next morning. Needless to say, I told him what to to do with his shoes and where to stick his tin of polish!

Thank you all for your interesting comments. Calmed down now and can see that I made a rod for my own back by being too impatient and doing everything myself to save time. It is a good idea some of you have suggested to give him specific jobs to do though I can see I will probably have to nag him - he could win an olympic medal in procrastination! Trouble is it seems that unexpected visitors always pop in when the house is looking grubby. I know that visitors should come to see us not examine the house but I can't help feeling embarrassed.

When we both worked full time and our boys were at home we had a cleaner. Boys left home, I retired I did the lot. When DH retired suggested that he could choose which chores he would do and that he would be responsible for them, that way he is not "helping me" but doing his own thing. We divided stuff out fairly and according to our skills and it works perfectly. The parts of the house he cleans get done more thoroughly but less often but I leave it up to him. In fact we often joke that our house only gets a really thorough clean when visitors are due or when we are going away! It gives us time to do the things we want to do together.

DH retired. Shared everything. He now has dementia and I have to do all. Exhausting!! Am getting accleaner to ease the load

We share mostly, DH does the hoovering, and I do the other things, cleaning the sinks, bathroom, dusting (which I hate)I usually end up emptying the dishwasher, and doing the washing, ironing etc. DH NEVER cleans the cooker or the pans, after he has cooked. Dh washes the cars every week ,and thinks this is his contibution to everything, me thinks it is not equally shared! End of rant.

You have only yourself to blame if your husband does not know one end of the hoover from the other.My DH has always done his own washing and ironing, he has his own bathroom and always cleans that plus does his share of housework and gardening and all the DIY. I draw the line at letting him cook tho! But Shanma! cleaning right thro the house EVERY DAY??? Are you mad????

Maggiemaybe - that's about like us. I don't like a messy home and always put things back in their place and it's clean enough . However I have never been a slave to cleaning. If there is something more interesting to do, the house can wait. I think over cleaning is often due to OCD or because there is nothing else.

Must be something about ex-servicemen, DH has always been ready to do his bit. We would both rather get done what needs doing and then veg in our own preferred way. There's nothing arduous, it's only the two of us, mostly, and the cats.(Tend not to hover over ours Barmyoldbat, makes them nervous!)

Barmyoldbat I'm completely with you - life's too short for worrying about housework. DH & I used to share tasks pretty equally, Bathroom was always his job & mowing lawn, cleaning windows & helping me with heavy jobs in garden.

When I moved I bought a 1 bedroom Park Home with a low maintenance garden - no lawn at last.

I clean when it's needed, hover most days (cat who doesn't wipe his paws) as I've got a light coloured carpet, dust when I notice it needs doing. Wet room which is easy to clean, kitchen surfaces wiped down frequently, washing done required, hate ironing (sit in a basket until the mood takes me).

I'd rather spend my days in the garden or going out than have a "spick & span" house

I thought grannypiper was going to say "and then I woke up"! I'm sure it was tongue in cheek. Skirting boards scrubbed with a toothbrush? I agree, get a cleaner. Our generation of men will never change and it just breeds resentment.

Another ex-service wife, and cleaning to march out standard went out the window when we left the RAF. Current DH does all the cooking, cleans the kitchen afterwards, will often do the ironing and does pretty much all the garden. In very lucky to have him. He tidies a lot though I tend to do the sweeping/hoovering and washing of the floors and cleaning bathrooms, though he will do that too if he thinks they need it. About the only thing he tends to leave to me is stripping and remaking the bed. He's been looking after me this last week when I've had cold/flu, doing all the dog walking and most other things. All in all, he's a saint! (Must be, to put up with me!)

When I fell over and broke my hip I came home to a tidy home, but that was because he was on his own. Now I get h to do the windows, do have a karcher and really recommend them. Also clean my cupboards etc. So can't grumble really.

Perhaps I'm odd in not minding doing the housework and cooking?
DH is deliberately cackhanded about housework and as for ironing I don't iron his clothes so if he needs to he can.
He does mow the small amount of lawn we have and will do heavier stuff if asked. He's recently taken to emptying the dishwasher which is something new!

I'm retired and he still does some work so I think it's fair.

My DH newly retired used to offer to "help" by carrying the vacuum cleaner up/down the stairs for me!! Time for a rethink I thought. I bought a lightweight vacuum and began to "help" him by leaving cleaning materials out for him to use where cleaning needed doing. After being the only one to clean a shared bathroom for nearly 40 years what an utter joy to enter one that is sparkling and that not of my doing.
Have to say though, two years on, the matter of fair and workable re-allocation of household chores is still ongoing.

I also Have a tag team of two polish girls for one and a half hours a fortnight, as I've joint problems. I'd have it weekly if I could afford it. Hubby tidies the living room and kitchen first thing as he's first on the go, just tidies and does night before dishes. He does the driving cos I hate it, washes car, and does our wee garden. I do all the cooking, we do dishes together, I do all laundry, ironing, cleaning bathrooms etc . He never notices what needs done, but will do a job if I specifically ask. I find the best way is to say " will you do this, while I do that" and then we can have free time. He does the admin cos I'm very bad at that. It used to cause angst when he first retired cos I'd to do lots, but I find that now I ask for a specific help because I'm doing another chore it works .

Wow my darling husband cleans the log fire, irons, puts out the washing on line always puts the towels into the drier walks the dog cleans up after her as she has her leg in plaster, and does the shopping so doesn't leave me much to do except general house work and cooking.? blessed

I must be lucky as since my husband retired before me, he has taken on the whole cleaning thing. I now only cook ( he hasn't a clue in that department) and it's great to relax at the weekend. I know this will change once I retire, however, we will share it and do on one day only, unlike spreading it over the week as he does now. Then we will have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves.
It's funny though how people think the women should be doing the cleaning as everyone at work think he will leave it to me when I retire.
I think in your situation ggmarion, it maybe that he doesn't want to encroach on your usual jobs. Perhaps you need to sit down with him ( when you're not angry) and discuss the situation, some men don't think housework is proper work and let him understand that he is not being considerate while you have a broken ankle.

I'm very lucky as well marionk very similar to you. He always sorts out the log burner, hoovers up afterwards, clears up after dinner and anything I ask him to do he does.

Maggiemaybe,you're a girl after my own heart!my mind,s boggling at the idea of cleaning skirting boards with a tooth brush.l haven't worked all my adult life to spend my retirement scrubbing lol .

He makes me tea in bed, gets breakfast ready, cleans out the log burner and hoovers up after himself now we have a Gtec! Clears up after I have cooked and will occasionally hang out the washing and do some ironing. Never complains if I don't feel like cooking a meal, just goes for a takeaway. Love him to bits!

Interesting thread.

We have no cleaner - would always feel I'd have to tidy first. We have always shared the chores and after 40 years we have a system that works . Who ever is there -does it.

My house is currently pristine because its up for sale but to be totally honest its damn hard work keeping it that way and it wont be something I carry on once we more. I hate fretting if the grandchildren are making a mess or having to put my knitting away all the time.

Life is too short for that - my life and my house are to be lived in. I have never scrubbed anything with a toothbrush and I cant see that changing any time soon.

We share tasks (both know how to do all of them) but we do have a cleaner for two hours a week now. DH cooks most meals so I tidy up afterwards & load dishwasher. DH took over the ironing about 30 years ago and we share shopping & gardening. We can do some DIY but we're in agreement about getting someone in to do a job if needed. It's a partnership!