realising you don't need to keep stuff!

Oh my goodness.... How this rang bells with me!!! I've had to move into smaller and smaller properties (long story! and now have little room for 'stuff'. I talk to myself a lot, and last night said to the boxes of old birthday cards (of my children) and calendars, drawings, things they did at school etc, "It's time for you to go..." My daughter (and son) are the least 'sentimental' beings and just aren't interested in looking at my 'stuff'. My daughter has in fact said that she'll toss a match into it all when I go ......... So why oh why am I finding it sooooooo hard to 'get rid' now. I think maybe it's because these things replace actual 'family' (I have no siblings left and DD lives in USA and DS in North Wales. Things aren't easy with either of them for one reason or another...!). I even asked my 17yo DGD if she'd like me to save anything and she said 'No' (chip off the old block eh?!) I'm already packing up lots of fabric and haberdashery stuff to give to a particular charity abroad and am very happy to 'get rid' if I know someone can use my stuff .... Butttttt, it's the 'sentimental' things that I can't bear to dispose of.... Hellllppppp!!!!!

This is a topical subject for me as I am trying hard to de-clutter. I have a few friends who have moved house recently and their uncluttered rooms make mine look like a charity shop! My 92 year old Mum will not part with anything - even a shower cap with the elastic gone gets put into a drawer 'just in case' (of what I don't know!). Have just had a couple of rooms decorated and the amount of stuff we had to move for the decorator to gain access was unbelievable. I had a shelf full of little gifts from dear friends/family over the years - nightmare to dust - but I haven't put them back (haven't got rid of them either!) and the shelf looks so much better with just a very few special things instead. I have so many photo albums and have at least labelled the spines with the year but have started being ruthless with the earliest ones - mainly holiday views that you just don't need to look at again. Ultimately I plan to divide pictures of the children and family between a couple of large shoeboxes so they can have one each but of course need to write relevant age on the back - a big job for the rainy day. So, perhaps it is an age thing and having learnt from our own experiences with ageing parents, do not want to pass on the clutter to our offspring.

*RamblingRose" I can give you a few examples of what helped my husband.
He has quite a lot of coats and he said, "they are too good to give away".

So I asked him, "if you wanted a choose a coat to wear what would make you choose that one rather than one of the others" . He replied that he probably would not. Then I said, "We are lucky that we have never been so poor that we could not afford a warm coat" He thought about it then took 3 coats fro. The wardrobe and took them to the Charity shop.

When he asked me about the sentimental stuff, like photos and things of his mums. i said "they been in a cupboard for 20 years, but if it makes you really happy to have them there, that is fine. Take them out hold them look at them, then decide" he started sift things putting them into piles, changing them around, then after a few days he binned the lot. I never asked him about it, but I think it is a sort of grieving process to say goodbye to your possessions. In the Kondo book, she tells you to thank the things before you let them go. I don't think he went that far but he did accept that they were no longer "giving him joy".

That was what triggered him and since then he has cleared out massive of stuff.

I understand the need to declutter but please consider your family history - photographs, particularly group photos at weddings & family celebrations are priceless for the family historian - also such documents as service records (war or national), birth etc certificates, school reports - it's lovely to see & touch such things - they make the family tree come to life. Perhaps there are cousins or other relatives doing research who would love these mementos? Or maybe make a scrap-book with the photos, documents, memorabilia etc? Now we've moved into the digital age future generations may well look at these photos and ask "What's a photograph, Mum?"

This has reminded me how when my mother was in her 80s she would sometimes haul say a load of scarves from a cupboard and ask me to dispose of them. Then a month later she would be anxiously searching for one of them and absolutely denied asking that they be got rid of. I learnt to take them home and hang on to them in case I would find her desperately looking for 'that jug, the one with the blue flowers' and could return it to her. She didn't have dementia but had become confused and forgetful on medications I think. After she died at 94 I was so relieved to be able to take an entire cupboardful of bags to the charity shop.
Now I am trying to declutter an oversized house and forever kicking myself for throwing out exactly the thing I could have used a month later. At least I can remember that I threw it out.

Have you contacted Social Services? Some years ago a social worker came to my house and took quite a lot of stuff to donate to needy people. Maybe they don't do that now though as people are perhaps choosier. I have left small items on the pavement with a message saying " Free" and everything went, but I suppose it depends on your area.

We have Freely Wheelie in our area. I have been amazed at the amount of stuff that people have taken. Seems to work much better than our Freecycle site

Just a word of warning when trying to dispose of beds, settees, chairs without fire safety label, these will not be accepted by any of the Charities, cannnot be legally sold or given away - sad if they are in good condition but local "tip" is the only answer

I have moved twice in less than 5 years, each time downsizing so less "clutter" than I had. I have boxes under my bed with "sentimental" items which I go through periodically & usually get rid of some bits. My Lilliput Lane Collection & Giles Cartoon Collection my DD has informed me "she will sell" when I'm gone ££££s in her eyes

I'm dreading having to sort DM's home (she's 87) although she has parted with some things. She has however wardrobes full of clothes - Charity Shops will do well. Rest of furniture will be off to Auction together with all her other possessions except the few items DD & I want. Probably several trips to Re-Cycling

I think one tip for de-cluttering is to empty the drawer or cupboard and then you have to justify putting anything back - rather than staring at the contents and wondering what you could remove.
A friend of mine told me yesterday that her mil wrote on the back of photos, not only listing who everyone was, but also describing the colours in black and white photos.

To answer the question in the OP - I don't think it's an age thing at all. These days, young families seem to be more keen on not accumulating clutter (I'm certainly encouraging my DS and DiLs not to) and keeping everything digitally where necessary.

Do any of you watch "Money for Nothing" on BBC in the afternoons? I'm amazed at what people take to the tip. I can't understand why it doesn't go to the charity shop, but it is probably the lack of safety labels. Someone took a lovely American wooden trunk to be dumped. Sarah refurbished it, then the family had the cheek to ask for it back!

Inishowen I do watch it every so often. I must say I would not want most of that stuff in the house all shabby and not much chic. It looks like something out of the student houses my children lived in.

You can still Freecycle soft furnishings.

Take note and never be tempted to cut out the fire safety lables even if they tend to stick out of the side of the chairs etc. Once they have been lost the seating is not re-saleable.

As far as I'm concerned stuff is just stuff, and the only value is what we emotionally invest in it. I try and value people not things, but can understand why others who for complex reasons can't let go of stuff. There is so much pressure on us to keep buying and replacing things. It's what keeps the economy afloat!

Oh please come and sort out my loft when you are free jordana! Have shoved it all up there and promised myself I will sort out a box each time I go up - needless to say I have found a way round that and send someone else up there instead when I want something lol!

I think one tip for de-cluttering is to empty the drawer or cupboard and then you have to justify putting anything back - rather than staring at the contents and wondering what you could remove.
That's a really good idea Disgruntled - in fact I was wondering whether to do the same as I stared at the over-stuffed bedroom drawers this morning.
However, I have some boxes to go through first, stuff that was packed away when we re-decorated.

I will try to apply your theory to them.

We've just moved MiL in with us and have had to clear her old home. She moved in as a young bride 65 years ago, brought up her son and eventually lost her husband there. She had 9 months to prepare but when we finally came to move her, nothing much had been sorted. Now I feel like the wicked dil because we had to be ruthless. I won't do that to my kids

I have treasured possessions that came from my parents house. As I approach the age they were when they died I have the same feelings that a lot of GNers have - what will the kids do with it when I am gone. So I suppose I ought to be starting to get rid of stuff that is purely sentimental. We have a chair that belonged to my great great grandmother which DH recently refurbished and it has already been claimed for after we go! My weakness is books, just can't bear to part with them.

My 87 year old sister is a hoarder. She has spent her life going to the shops buying clothes, ornaments and furniture and her house is rammed. She never cleans. I have nearly killed myself cleaning her house twice when she went into hospital, and she screamed at me when I couldn't find the particular pair of trousers she wanted when she was in convalescence (I'd had to go through overflowing cupboards and drawers and a room rammed to the ceiling with binbags full of clothing). Having moved to another part of the country I am no longer able to do things for her, and now she has failing health.

I had very few things growing up, and try to compensate now. Someone mentioned wartime deprivation and I guess that, and living alone, is at the root of my sister's hoarding. The buzz of buying stuff seems to replace the huge vacant emotional space with no special friend and rarely visiting family.

I have a room full of folders containing my sons' schoolwork, certificates etc. which I intend to photograph then give the folders to them to do whatever they want. I also have shelves full of photographs which I was in the process of scanning into the computer, until a cheap inktank prevented the scanner working.

I also have a lifetime's clutter - wedding cake baubles even! I am also in the process of taking a photograph of all these items, then letting them go. The item will be gone, but the memory will still be there, in the form of a photograph, to be stored away and unlocked only if it doesn't cause too much pain. However.... I will still keep relics of my husband's interests in a tiny suitcase: his private pilot's licence etc, and best of all the lovely smell of rifle oil when I open the lid (no bullets or guns or rifles tho!).

When we moved a year ago we actually bought a larger house. However, we got rid of a load of 'stuff' and have never regretted it. Now we don't keep anything in the loft because all the 'stuff' we had there in the old house was never used, just stored. Loved the feeling of getting rid of things!

I am buying a narrow boat to live on when I retire next year. I am having to seriously downsize. It is very difficult. I am wondering why I had kept so many Christmas cards. I am looking at 'stuff' in a totally new way now...hahaha

Someone mentioned keeping fotos for the future generations. I have spent years doing the family trees of my husband's side and my own, but none of my kids or grandchildren are interested! I did it for myself out of Interest and thought they might be curious about their ancestors. Maybe in the future they might be so I have kept the information on computer and also in folders in the desk

MIL kept lots of photos, quite nice ones, but many of them don't have names on them and we have no idea who they are.

nannyinogmore have you tried freecycle or freegle? Both are great for giving away stuff you no longer need.

Decide to sort out the loft and get rid of stuff, so my son and gs came over to help. I have now discovered that it runs in the family as both of them are also hoarders and not much went!