Poppy dillemma

I think if you do not want to compromise your principles you only have one choice and that's to retire gracefully from this performance .

Hmm. Difficult, lucky. I can see why you're feeling unsure about singing.

I totally agree with your dad about the fact that ideally the state should pick up the full tab for veteran care.

Are you in the front row of the choir?

I don't think things like this should be done by majority vote. It's a personal thing and people should be allowed to decide what to do or not do without pressure. I think oressure to wear a poppy has increased in recent years and I don't like that.

Could you explain your problem to the choir leader/conductor and give them the decision? Would they really ask you not to be there because of a principle you hold dear that doesnt' actually affect anyone else?

I don't suppose such a principle has occurred to anyone else in the choir. If it had they might not have held such a silly vote.

Just don't wear one

Will there be a practice session beforehand? Could you ask for a moment at that session to tell the rest of the choir what you have told us as to why you cannot wear a poppy. I would be VERY surprised if, having heard the story they did not agree to you singing 'poppyless'. Might also make them stop and think for a moment.

What a horrid situation to have been put in Lucky. I agree with Granny23; explain your reasons for not wanting to wear a poppy and then let the choir make the decision, which I would hope would be one of compassionate understanding. If they agree to you singing without one will you then feel uncomfortable though?

I do wear a poppy and have every reason to be grateful for the work of the RBL, but I also admit to feeling some discomfort at the way the poppy as a symbol seems to have been hijacked in a way that was never intended.

I wear a poppy and think about all who died in wars regardless of who they were and where they came from. I like the idea of a white poppy which some wear but it's difficult to find anyone selling them. Good luck with the concert, I don't see why you should wear a poppy, it is a personal decision.

lucky it sounds as if you weren't present for the vote or your views would have been known and I would hope respected. Could you have a quiet word with the choir leader and see what the reaction is? As it would be so difficult for you to wear a poppy my guess is you wouldn't be singing at your best anyway. I really couldn't imagine a group insisting on something as personal, but if they do then maybe it is best that you aren't part of the performance. You must do whatever will cause you the least distress.

I see two issues here, firstly you should resist being bullied into doing something you do not wish to, If they do not wish you to sing with them, that is their loss and show a lack of compassion.

But whilst your father had his feelings regarding poppies, you are your own person and if you wish to wear a poppy in respect of those that have served on our behalf, you should do so, I'm sure your father would respect your opinion.

Thank you for your thoughts - that is very helpful.

My father was very emotionally damaged by his service in the Far East and that had a knock-on effect on the whole family. I respected his views on the issue because he knew stuff that we didn't. I have just not worn one for years and this is the first time that I have hit this problem - and, as I said, I am surprised at how much it seems to matter to me. Not sure what that is about really.

As the event is mouthing to do with remembrance then it is strange that it should be decided that everyone should wear one.

Can you explain to the person in charge prior to the rehearsal/performance - by email? Xx

I never wear one either. My instinctive reaction to your concerns is to think about saying exactly what you've written here to someone in charge. How would you feel if the response was negative, for whatever reason. Would that sway your deeply held feelings? If it did, would you feel comfortable wearing one?
Is participation in this particular event more important than than that?

No, no - they died for your freedom to choose!! Do they not realise that?

My MIL hated poppies, DH's father died in WW2.

I always contribute to the fund but I don't wear my poppy unless I go to a Remembrance service.

Luckgirl I don't know who came up with the idea of a vote to wear a poppy but in my opinion they were very shortsighted. Many people have real objections to wearing them and very valid reasons for their objection. I think you should have a quiet word with your choir leader beforehand and tell him/her your dilemma. Anyone who cares about the music will realise you will not sing your best if you are made to wear one. It is then up to them to make an announcement overruling the vote. You are very brave to stick to the beliefs your father passed on to you, stay strong. If people want to wear poppies that is fine but no-one should feel pressured to wear one. I haven't bought one this year since a thread on GN told me about the Legion's links to the arms industry.

If you wear the Poppy you are not just wearing it for relatives. If you wear it, this is for the feelings of everyone who has served in wars and lost relatives as a mark of overall respect, however you feel about wars.

Luckygirl Just mouth the words. I sing all sorts of stuff in choir that have a religious tone and I am not a believer. I love a lot of the music. (with some reservations like anything baroque.) I don't feel I am being hypocritical.

"Why should God have all the best tunes!"

Lucky girl my Dad was in Burma and told us nothing about his experiences well very little I know as an adult he could never eat rice or curry He was very loath to talk or blame and often said we must move on

I don't think anyone within a group should be told they have to wear a poppy it should definitely be an individuals decision only.....personally I just wouldn't wear it and only say anything if it was brought up then if they did not accept my principles i d walk

I really think you should have brought it up with the choir leader straight after the vote, Luckygirl, but better late than never.

As I see it, your only options are a) not to sing with the choir that evening or b) sing with the choir but don't wear a poppy.

Wearing a poppy should be voluntary. Especially since the concert is nothing to do with remembrance, you shouldn't be pressured into wearing one.
I agree with suggestions to tell the choir leader why you cannot wear a poppy, and leave the decision as to whether you sing or not to them.

I have always worn a poppy and attended a Remembrance service when I could. For the first time though, this year I feel uncomfortable about it because I feel as though the symbol of the poppy has been hi-jacked by political elements that I would rather not be associated with.

Unfortunately Jane it was also hi-jacked by arms companies who have in the past sponsored some of the remembrance events. I am assuming that the protests around that now mean that they no longer do so, and that is therefore not part of my thinking on this.

Bluebelle - it is interesting that your father too was unable to talk of his experiences in the Far East. My Dad was in Singapore and I shudder to think what he might have witnessed. He certainly would not say a word about it; so we did not ask him. After he died I found a few photos of him from that time which surprised me.

I did not bring it up with the choir leader because it is a big choral society and he was out of the room after the vote, which was initiated not by him but by the chair of the committee. There were in fact 3 of us who voted against the decision. I think I may contact the other 2 and see what they plan to do.

It is such an emotional topic. I certainly do not want anyone to think that I do not respect their wish to commemorate the occasion. They will have their own reasons just as I have mine.

Jalima - your point about the war having been fought to give people the right to choose is a good one. I have felt slightly disturbed over the last few years about the pressure that people in the public eye are put under to wear a poppy. I am sure that is not in the spirit of the commemoration.

I am grateful for all your contributions to this.

My Dad wore a poppy and laid a wreath at the local war memorial - but I am sure he did it for the dead on both sides having seen things he would not talk about.

I think you should just turn up and sing. How dare they tell you what you should or shouldn't wear. I rarely wear a poppy but it does not mean I have no respect or don't care.

Your choice Luckygirl..... exactly that, YOUR choice, as this does not affect your deceased Father in any way.The money raised by the Legion does good things.
What our parents thought should never affect what WE think IMHO.

How would you feel about wearing the white poppy for peace luckygirl? It could provide a compromise.