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taking shoes off

(234 Posts)
Bobbin Fri 04-Nov-16 13:41:39

The other day, my DH and I went for dinner at a friend's house with two other couples, so eight of us in total. They're fairly new friends as we've not long moved to the area, so it was the first time we'd visited their home.

It was a nice dinner party, so I wore a nice pair of shoes, tights and a dress. Then when I got there, my friend asked us both to take our shoes off and we went padding about in stocking feet (well, me anyway grin) as did the other couples.

my questio is, do you make guests take their shoes off if you're hosting something similar?

gettingonabit Fri 04-Nov-16 13:56:23

No, never. Wouldn't occur to me. Some people automatically do it, though, without me asking. I have to remember to say "please-there's no need to take your shoes off".

If I'm going to another person's, I generally offer to take mine off.

I think it's polite to offer.

I used to have a light beige carpet until dd pee'd on it ; did your hosts have a light carpet?

Teetime Fri 04-Nov-16 13:58:24

I don't ask people to do it but am happy if they do (our neighbours bring their slippers)but I always slip mine off at the door of someone else's house. We have had some guests who regard our habit of going barefoot at home as strange - pair of old hippies.

Hilltopgran Fri 04-Nov-16 14:00:36

It is the norm in some cultures/countries, but difficult as it is more unusual here, pity they did not warn you to take some indoor shoes if it mattered to them so much.

merlotgran Fri 04-Nov-16 14:03:08

We never ask guests to remove their shoes. All you need is a decent door mat they can wipe their feet on.

We take our shoes off when visiting DD2 because it's what they do as they have pale carpets.

annsixty Fri 04-Nov-16 14:04:12

If I was going to a dinner party at someone's house,although those days are long past, I would not expect to be asked to take my shoes off and I also don't really like it if the hosts are wearing carpet slippers, but that is just me.

jollyg Fri 04-Nov-16 14:06:33

Certainly the norm in India. And we used to see kids walking to school barefoot, not so prevalent now
Before we has a good all wool carpet, brown. Showed nothing but was dark.

Now we have light oatmeal, hall sitting room etc, but after years of shoe removing in India, it second nature,
However we have a clarty friend who dog walks and she knows to remove her muddy boots.

Ana Fri 04-Nov-16 14:07:51

I think it's actually quite rude to ask guests to remove their shoes, especially if they don't know the guests very well.

tanith Fri 04-Nov-16 14:15:12

We never ask anyone to do it but some do as a matter of course and that's fine we don't unless its wet/snowy outside.
I was a bit shamefaced when my 3yr old grandson who lives abroad visited us this year for the first time and when we got back from a walk he stood and removed his shoes in the hallway put them neatly by the wall then looked at me as I walked in and said 'Granny you forgot to take off your shoes', I didn't want spoil such a nice thing so we all removed our shoes in the hall for the rest of his stay. It didn't last, we're back to not doing it now but we do have hard floors so they are easily cleaned.

harrigran Fri 04-Nov-16 14:15:16

My own family always remove shoes at the front door because pf light carpets and children playing on the floor. I do not ask visitors to remove shoes, sadly not all are as house trained as my family, because their friendship is more important.

Greyduster Fri 04-Nov-16 14:55:02

I would never ask a guest to remove their shoes, though the family do this as a matter of course - it becomes second nature after a while. When we go elsewhere I always ask if they would like me to take off my shoes. If they say 'yes' I am never offended, and I find that only one or two of our friends insist on it, but they have very pale carpets. We have wood. annsixty we used to have a particular friend to dinner regularly, along with others, and I knew that if she caught me still in my slippers when she arrived, she would despatch me off upstairs to find a pair of shoes - it offended her sensibilities!

BlueBelle Fri 04-Nov-16 15:08:25

I have never asked anyone to take their shoes off in my house and I ve never been asked to take my shoes off when visiting anyone else, so obviously I walk in less posh circles ?

Charleygirl Fri 04-Nov-16 15:18:10

I was helping a friend house hunt a couple of years ago. We were asked to remove our shoes at one house and we both refused which went down like a lead balloon. We both have disability and balance problems, my friend being an old polio. The floors in the house were hard but not clean and I had no intention of slipping downstairs. I made sure I did not touch any surfaces because in the main bedroom there were layers of dust.

I only ask somebody to remove their shoes/boots if they are going to make indents in my flooring. My immediate neighbour is from Iraq and he does it automatically.

Jane10 Fri 04-Nov-16 15:24:08

It seems a relatively new thing. It quite simply never happened when I was a girl. It seems to have crept in. I certainly wouldn't expect visitors to remove shoes.
DGSs make a great palaver of taking off their shoes though -takes ages! Their mum didn't have to do this any time when she lived with us so I guess its become a new social custom along with all that kissing and hugging when greeting. Grumpy? Me?!

HildaW Fri 04-Nov-16 15:38:27

I never ask.....and we live deep in the country so muddy boots are the uniform. However if people are visiting as in they are coming into the house for a coffee/meal etc they either remove boots at door or have come in 'normal' shoes and I would not dream of asking them to remove them. They are my guests and I'd be embarrassed to ask. DD and her children have got into the habit of removing shoes in the scullery - but its their choice....I've never asked it.
Can always remember the episode of Sex in the City when Carrie is asked to take of her very expensive designer shoes at someone's flat and they are not their at the end of the party - her reaction was one of horror at being asked and then even more horror at someone pinching her decent shoes.

Jalima Fri 04-Nov-16 15:42:46

I don't ask anyone to take their shoes off (I just grit my teeth as they walk all over my new pale carpet shock) but the family always take theirs off.
Because I can't walk barefoot or in slippers I tend to take a pair of indoor shoes with me just in case I'm asked to take my shoes off in anyone else's house.

Jane10 mwah! mwah! [hugs] grin
As DD said once when she was very little - I want to give you a French kiss shock
She then proceeded to kiss me on both cheeks.

Witzend Fri 04-Nov-16 15:48:16

No, I never ask, and don't expect people to remove shoes unless they're dirty or muddy, in which case most people inc. me would do it anyway.

Personally I think it's bad manners to ask, especially if people are dressed up and have their nice shoes on. My feet soon get cold anyway, and no, I wouldn't want to wear any old 'guest' slippers provided for the purpose.
However I know that in other parts of the world, SE Asia among others, it's the norm. But there at least it's usually warm.

To me, houses are for people, not the other way around. I don't recall Hyacinth Bucket ever asking people to do this, but that's how I think of it! Over-fussy and frankly rather ridiculous Hyacinth behaviour, and most definitely NOT posh!

Anya Fri 04-Nov-16 15:49:20

We've always been a 'remove your boots' family. Grandad S had to leave his in the back door step after coming off his shift down the mines and Granddad Mc had to leave his in the back porch after a day on the smallholding and later on from his allotment.

Their wives would have created a huge fuss if they'd trampled dirt into the house.

The same rule applied to my children and DH. Muddy football boots, dirty Hunters, all had to be keft in the mud room. I notice workmen are very good these days at taking their shoes off just inside the door.

I'm not as fussy about downstairs now as we have hard floors that can be easily cleaned and disinfected, but I do expect shoes off on stairs and upstairs carpets.

Jalima Fri 04-Nov-16 15:51:28

Always change them at DD's house (farm)!

M0nica Fri 04-Nov-16 15:51:30

Personally I hate walking round in stocking or bare feet. There is also a safety issue. We live in a very old house with narrow windy stairs. From choice indoors I wear house shoes with solid non-slip soles to stop any danger of slipping on the stairs, or for that matter on any of our very smooth wooden floors, not to mention stubbing my toes on the furniture.

However DH and both DC walk round the house bare footed, not for any reasons of hygiene, or cleanliness of floor coverings, but because they find wearing shoes and socks indoors restricting. However I show scant sympathy when they stub their toes on the furniture or stand on something uncomfortable.

Carpets are for walking on and I can see no point in having a carpet a colour that leaves you constantly worrying about the footwear of people who tread on it.

Jalima Fri 04-Nov-16 15:55:32

In Finland those nice knitted slippers were useful and they swept the wooden floors as you walked around too.

These look better, though, they have more of a grippy sole:
www.suomikauppa.fi/product_info.php?products_id=6908&language=en

My Dad used to wear Harris tweed slippers smile

Jalima Fri 04-Nov-16 15:57:14

we wore ones like these:
www.selvedge.org/shop/huopaliike-lahtinen

my feet were better in those days

Tizliz Fri 04-Nov-16 16:17:04

My mother would make people take their shoes off if they had stiletto heels, because they made holes in the floor. But until I can teach my dogs to wipe their feet there seems no point!

If I have visitors for a week and they come dog walking with us I would prefer them to have another pair of shoes/slippers to wear inside to try and keep the dirt down. I would not be offended if asked to take my shoes off, I have trodden in dog poo too often.

mumofmadboys Fri 04-Nov-16 16:39:51

At home we all take our shoes off before we walk on carpets. It keeps the carpets cleaner and cuts down on hoovering. I don't ask visitors to take their shoes off but am pleased when they do.

Izabella Fri 04-Nov-16 17:15:47

I am in the minority here. Yes always request shoes are changed for slippers (Muddy country area with no road) and we always take slippers when invited out. I am obviously out of touch as I thought it was merely good manners.