Rant

Granny piggy --- You have my total sympathy, I also do not understand why both my sons have become the adults they are now since settling with their respective partners. We don't even get a phone call unless they want something , I used to be the "grown up" and make a regular call to keep in touch but since being in hospital again (both knee replacements) neither have sent a card or phoned to enquire how I am, let alone offer to do anything practical. Wasn't even informed of scan results for impending baby and when asked the reply was " you never have your phone on"!!! It's hard to accept that well bought up children have become so lacking in respect for parents. Never thought it would happen to us as thought we were all very close. Live in hope that things will change

I think sometimes people ask these questions expecting everyone to agree with them and back them up but when a few people all give sensible constructive answers that they don't really want to hear , they disappear.
It is true that the written word can't be veiled as much as a cup of tea chat but at the end of the day sometimes if you are prepared to listen you can learn a lot even if it's not what you want to hear

Don't you just love these threads where the OP poses a question then buggers off leaves us all to amuse ourselves?

It must be catching because there's at least two others on the go at the moment.

Yes a son is a son till he gets a wife.I shd no i raised 2 ds.Its always the same.Its really hard as when it happens you dont realise your downgraded and he doesnt need you anymore.It takes a lot of getting used too.But you must bite yhe bullett for all concerned

But the thread will run and run because people just can't resist giving their opinion!

Maybe we all said the "wrong" things.

Seems like grannypiggy is yet another who has posted but not really interested in following up.

Diplomacy is the answer here! Don't try and force the issue, doomed to failure. Get his partner on your side with a charm offensive. I know someone who has fallen out with both of her children by taking against their chosen partners. Both seem fine to me.
Trust in your raising of him to make good life choices and support him in whatever happens.

Excellent post BlueBelle

I worry when posters give such identifiable information in posts. The posts are open for anyone to read, including those who are written about.

Ahem! Where is GrannyPiggy?

Yes, like Ana, if we were sitting having a with GrannyPiggy I would ask lots of questions and perhaps use a hypothetical situation (based on experience) to persuade her that she could perhaps use different tactics.

Some new posters are just plain rude and belligerent without any wit or humour!

Asking AIBU when it would seem to most people that, in fact, you are BU probably elicits honest answers, but not the reassurance that the OP wants if they think they are in the right.

And even if we did, it would only be to one, possibly two, close friends who know you and would probably be kind and tactful whilst being honest.

You're not always going to get that on an open forum on the internet.

Also on the net, people ask AIBU? which invites a clear answer. Maybe that is not the sort of question we ask in such a bald way in RL?

It is an interesting question as to whether people would feel able to be as honest/blunt to someone's face. Probably we would say the same thing only in a more round about way.

Is that good or bad I wonder? It may be that the freedom of the net allows people to be more candid, and that could be seen as its virtue or its curse. Pussyfooting around while this poor woman's family life disintegrates round her ears may not be a good way forward. I think we are all trying to do our best to see a good outcome here.

jingl was sometimes just as blunt as some posters have been on here. Even more so, in fact - it depended on her opinion of course.

I certainly wish she was still posting!

No Jings didn't make barbed comments, she often lightened the discussion. Just wonder if some of these "blunt" posters would actually says some of the stuff posted to anyone's face.

You will always be his mother, but you are, quite rightly, no longer the most important woman in his life. How would you have felt if your husband had always put his mother ahead of you? We should give our kids roots and wings. If we let them fly freely, then with luck they will occasionally fly back to their roots. Build bridges and learn to bite your tongue, we all have to. I truly hope that things get better for you.

I would say this to you if we were sitting across the table having a cuppa. How old is your son , and what things were you doing at that age ?

It's hard to take a back seat but as mothers that's what we have to do as our mothers did when we married . I suppose they didn't always think what we were doing was right but bit their as we have to at times . Be proud of your son and try and make his partner welcome don't miss out on future good times with them and grandchildren some relationships take more effort than others hope all goes well

Grannyp I know it mus hurt but it is only natural that new partner is going to come first, you don't say where she is from, that might explain why she doesn't "try to fit in " with your life. I am lucky with my DD as I get on really well with her OH but I know my place, DD's priority is her OH & my DGS, my place is behind them, don't get me wrong, DD is always there if I really need her but I'm not top of her priorities.

As for your DiL (or however yet term her), my DD is expecting her 2nd baby, only very early stages but she is constantly tired & is suffering constant nausea (she was same with DGS) so a little bit of sympathy is required IMHO.

As my son always says 'Happy wife, happy life!' His job is to look after his own family now.

You have to accept that the love of his life is his wife. He loves you and his father too of course but you now take second place, which I know, having gone through this three times myself, is hard to take.

Bite the bullet. Once the girl feels confident that he is no longer his mummy's little boy she will warm to you and not feel threatened.

Congratulations Grannyp on your new expected grandchild. I don't know if this is your first, but it will be a real eye opener to see your son becoming a dad in his own right, so be prepared for even more changes in him. You will want to play a part in his child's life so please don't let this unpleasantness go any further.
As a MIL you do have to take a step back and hold your council on many occasions, but it is worth it to be on good terms with your grandchild.
Good luck.

Then today after an awful falling out with DS
Oh dear, you will have to make the first move and make it up otherwise you will risk not seeing them and your new DGC.

Does he get paid to work on the farm, or is he supposed to help from love? He has a family of his own to support now.

realised I do have like minded people who can tell me how it is without emotional ties
I think I have more than an inkling of how it is - from the other point of view!