Two Smart Arse men and one cringeing wife.

When I saw that question about being a terrorist, I couldn't help wondering if anyone ever said 'yes', and what they would do if he/she did. The mind boggles.

Whenever I see "Sex" on a form, I'm tempted to put "yes please", but I haven't had the nerve so far.

When we went to New York and had to fill in the form on the plane, DH really wanted to reply Yes to the question "have you ever been a terrorist" (or something of that sort). Luckily he resisted.

My DD and family are off to USA on holiday. Their first time there. I warned the little DGSs not to try to make 'hilarious' comments at passport control as those people are very serious and have guns. Real ones. DD replied that she's not worried about the boys but her DH will really struggle not to make smart Alec responses. Knowing his 'sense of humour' I reckon she's right. Plenty to worry about there. Oh dear.

When I broke my left wrist and saw a consultant, he gave me a form to take into the x-ray department. As I was leaving his room, he said "Come back - I think that I've written the right wrist on that slip.
Wag that I am, I took it back to his desk saying "it's a good thing that I'm not going for an amputation"
He looked at me very sternly and said "I don't do amputations"
No, I thought to myself - you don't do jokes either!

I had a tube of thin superglue split in my hand, every finger was stuck to the next and the fingers to the palm, soaking worked.

Normally I just sacrifice a layer of skin.

My OH would be ideal for a crime as he has no fingerprints left - years of using superglue and sandpaper and wire wool has rubbed them off. He can't wait 15 minutes to soak off superglue.

Deedi OMG... I just spewed tea all over the keyboard!!

MadGrandma, your husband is a very brave man, he deserves a medal, but don the rubber gloves before you give it to him

Advice re superglue -- as a modeller I often get myself glued to myself and other things with superglue. Warm water and soap, just soak for 15-30 minutes and the glue will come away from skin without too much pain.

Yep! Men and superglue....Another lethal combination

Hello everyone can I join in with an anecdote that happened years ago it was so good I can't look at a tube of superglue without being reminded..... Its about my DH trying to glue together a freestanding pedestal mirror you know the kind we get up close to peer into? Anyway he broke the mirror off the plastic stem. He used some superglue we had in bathroom cabinet oh Ive forgotten to say he was naked and he's quite hairy He managed to get glue on his fingers and some on his chest? Don't know why he shouted for me to help; only he could prise his hand away from his (hairy)chest. I just got out the bathroom in time before THE yelp.

When my daughter was about 2 I managed to cut my index finger with a knife - badly enough that it wouldn't stop bleeding! I had to drive 3 miles to pick up DH from work, he climbed into car and askede why I had a teatowel wrapped round my hand? Instead of offering to drive, he said "you'd better go to A&E"! (As if I hadn't thought of that!)
On arrival at A&E we waitedd to be seen by a nurse who organised steristrips and a bandage. As a parting shot she told me to keep it dry for a few days to give it time to heal. DH's response? He did drive home but stopped at the local shop - "you'll need a pair of rubber gloves to do the washing up won't you?"
He nearly got the gloves used for quite another purpose!

Merlot, are you really sure he has a problem in Tesco ?, sounds like the perfect reason not to shop.

Merlot , that was an amazing story!

My DH would have simply come in and rummaged in his toobox for electrial tape. In fact, he has some on his pinky finger now. Strapping the little tip joint which he said was hurting. Claims that when he played school-boy rugby, electrical tape was required kit for smashed fingers etc.

Chainsaw? We had to use them a lot when we live in New England. Never had an accident. But my parents hired a man to build a garage for them and he would be up on his 'home-made' scaffolding, using a rotary saw up there, trimming off the plywood sheet fascia pieces after nailing them in place. He worked without the guard on and would pass it behind him to lay on the scaffold platform. He cut it too close, literally. He sliced through his work trousers and cut his right bum cheek! He didn't want the ambulance to come, so my dad had him lay tummy down on an old blanket in the back of their estate car, and off they went to A&E. 24 stitches it took!

Later it emerged that he was breaking Elf and Safety even back in the early 80s in the US and if the ambulance people learned he was working without the guard on, it would have gone into the medical report and then his health insurance could have denied to pay for his treatment.

Silly boy.... it was a month before that garage was finished!

Wobblybits, re chain saw.....He's NOT allowed to use it unless I'm with him (I also have a certificate!) but actually he's uber careful because after his stroke, when his vision was affected, he spent a year training himself to live with the blind spots. He's got it off to a fine art now because his vision straight ahead is better than most people his age.

The one thing that disorientates him is shopping in Tesco. He can't see people dodging past him until they are dead ahead so he gets fed up with apologising when he runs over their feet - mostly, he doesn't bother

Merlot this so reminded me of my late DH, luckily no serious accidents, but just the sort of thing he'd have said. Our wonderful (male) GP had a great sense of humour, once went to see GP as DH had an abscess on a tooth & his face had swollen up. GP looked at him & laughed, said he looked like he should have a large hankie knotted over his head like in cartoons!!!! needless to say DH laughed & said just give me the pills!!

I find male GPs much easier to deal with than female ones

Thanks for making me laugh & enjoy your glass of wine tonight

Great stories Merlot . A sense of humour is one of the best things.
My husband loves his DIY too, and he's accident-prone. Hardly ever without a plaster or bandage somewhere. But TG no on any medication, so the main thing I worry about is blood poisoning.

Merlot, registered blind + chainsaw . Mrs P hides when I use my chain saw and I can see, a hacksaw is one thing, chainsaws don't take prisoners.

What would we do without male docs and nurses They have a far better sense of humour than the females of that profession
When my late husband was in hospital I would constantly tell his doc what I had observed on the internet regarding my husbands illnes.Consequently when that particular doc saw me in the ward he would say 'here comes the silver surfer'
I took it on the chin as my husband had such wonderful care .

My OH is also on Warfarin, we've had so many trips to A & E, go cut fingers, cut off tips of fingers, bleeding heads, cut legs,he has a workshop that includes metal and wood lathes, circular saws, sanders, you name it, he's hyperactive always making or doing something, to himself or pieces of wood or metal. If he comes in calling my name, I cringe! He's also had a couple of minor strokes and seems unable to think logically, I won't go on....

Merlot - just seen that other post, so funny - what does he say to Customs Officials ????

I always want to say something daft, or sarcastic but have to firmly shut myself up.

merlotgran

Tell your husband he is a little gem, who never gives up. I wish my husband would make me a cold frame.

The sort of thing he said to the Nurse is the same thing my husband would have said. I remember a Matron asking mine once when he was in hospital for an operation what pills he was on and he retorted "You should know!". All a bit embarrassing, but the nursing staff got him to fill his own forms in to record things and he learnt that if he did what he was told and filled them in himself it was a way to get himself out of hospital quicker. (He's always like a caged lion in hospital. Loved your story.

merlot. 09.53

I learnt a long time ago NEVER to joke with male nurses, policemen, customs officers, judges and barristers!!

DH is registered blind, I mean.....Not me!