Gransnet Xmas Panto.

You just need a large size bra and some wadding-saves any explosions under hot stage lights!

But the dame is normally a man, so blow up boobs are mandatory. By blow up, I don't mean exploding !

Katek - that joke is soooo Pantomime.

I will wear anything as the Dame but I draw the line at blow up boobs.

Smutty lines? Here am I, a convent educated girl. (Alright it was 100 years ago.) Still the bonus being is that I would not understand any of them.

Smut alert!!!!*****You'll love the line from Dick Whittington then wobblybits. Delivered by by Alice Fitzwarren......'oh, will I never see my Dick again?'

I was thinking of a recent sketch in Mrs Browns Boys involving blow up boobs, much funnier than the real thing, not that I'm suggesting anyone's boobs are funny.

Nor me anne60. wobblybits with a name like yours, who would've thought it?

PS Falconbird will be a great dame. I love the jokes but wobbly, falconbird did not mention the need for blow up boobs, perhaps they are not required!

I could be the ugly duckling. I have an interesting waddle when I walk. Can my part be written in too please?

Well I for one would never have guessed.

I know you will all be surprised, but I love a bit of naughty smut and double entendre.

Love "Robinson Clueless and Gran Friday"

I am honoured to be, hopefully, working alongside that doyen (don't know what it means but sounds good) of stage and screen Florence Foster Jenkins.

Actually I have never heard of you but you sound very grand and famous.

Can you remind me of some of you works??

Peter's Nan?

Robinson Clueless and Gran Friday?

Dick Whittington and His Gran?

Menopuss in Boots?

I would like to apply for the role of one of the ugly sisters, please. I am highly qualified and very experienced.

OK - I looked up smutty and it has a wide variety of meanings one of which is "naughty" which is what I meant

Here are two Dame Jokes I found on line.

I've been married 16 times, 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse.

Eggs are going up again.
That will surprise a few chicken.

Now that's a role for someone, motivational coach, we have so many GNers who like to tell others how to think and what to do we won't be short of takers?

Don't forget I am the Leading Lady- Florence Foster Jenkins is my stage name - please make sure its in lights. I shall be giving a selection from my oevre throughout the performance whether scripted or not. (She flounced off)

Wow, Principal Boy in the West End - my name in lights - I can't wait. I must practice my part, now where did I put my old suede, ankle boots?

Maybe I should buy a suede brush to spruce them up a bit? I know I slap my thighs but I can't remember what I say?? Help, what are my lines!! What is my motivation!!

Falconbird I really do not think that us lot "do" smutty jokes. We are far more "refained" than that. annsixty I had not thought of the West End but for our talents the sky really is the limit.

I can't believe how well this is all coming along. After first showing I really am starting to think we will be transferred to the West End. Fame and Fortune for us all ?

Frilly red pantaloons, blow up boobs, Pink wellies, hat with loads of fruit, that sort of thing ??

Ok who, want so be Windy miller, with the charcoal knickers ?

OK I'll be the Dame but I want everything, the huge frock, the massive bonnet, loads of slap, funny shoes and pantaloons and a plentiful supply of smutty jokes.

By the way, Wobblybits, Mrs Honeyman from Camberwick Green says that Windy Miller was the tester for all things blowy.

So we are looking for a Panto that has a cow, a wicked witch, some thigh slapping, a dame etc.

Any more requests for parts to include. If FalconBird wants to be the dame, I will have to be the Evil Baron

* This

Thus sounds great, I'll take any part, can I please be in one of those slapstick kitchen scenes with flour everywhere?