What should I do

I appreciate that this is a difficult situation, and sometimes I find having my grand-daughter two afternoons a week and picking up my grandson from school on these days tiring. However, I have to remember that this is not forever and we won't get this time again with them.

I m seeing it from a different point of view I guess the fact that you get to help with the grandkids which is so precious and well worth a bit of inconvienenvce in my mind

I don't think that you are being at all unreasonable. My husband used to take our grandson to school and the other one to nursery and collect them later then our DIL fell out with us and she had to make other arrangements. She found a before and after school place for them also the school has an early bird club so she can drop them off earlier (both of these arrangements cost but she did bring it on herself. Thankfully the falling out didn't last but she stuck to the arrangements. I think it made her realise just how much we were taken for granted. Maybe you could talk to your daughter and explain just how much time it takes out of your day and suggest that she investigates whether there is a more mutually agreeable way around this.

My son lives ten miles away and in emergencies I have got to his house for 7.00am to get the children up etc. I told him firmly but politely that I could not do this on a permanent basis once a week. They can always find an alternative solution. In this case, his wife suddenly announced she would work at home once a week and they paid the nanny to do an extra morning shift. They can always find a solution if they have to.

When I was doing the school run of about the same distance and D was doing variable shifts. I would sometimes do the morning run then spend the day at her house ready to do afternoon pick up as school was a ten minute walk from their house. Is it just mornings , would it be possible to stay there ?

It was her choice to move it so she should still drop the children at your house .Think about bad weather conditions and if you don't feel well.I really am shocked that she would even ask this of you. She is a grown woman so should act like one and not a spoilt child

I think Bellanonna had a good idea, say you will do it until your daughter can make alternative arrangements. Ensure there is a cut off point when you say you need to stop. I think it's unreasonable to expect this particularly in the winter months.

I think you might regret saying no
A lot depends on how busy you are afterwards, if it's a matter of rushing back to a heavy day or if the traffic is very bad and it's going to take ages or you feel you are having the children a lot more than you can cope with then you need to think carefully, but if you are retired and don't have a lot on afterwards then an hour out of your day on three days a week isn't too much especially as you have been doing it for a good while anyway The kids grow up so fast and are independent before you can flash an eyelid. It's lovely to have just that hour with them, ..,..judging by the way your post is phrased I don't think you d be happy with breakfast clubs or (blimey the amazing mention by someone of them moving school)
I certainly would carry on but only you know if the desire to help your daughter and be part of your grandkids growing up outweighs the inconvienenvce

Ana - 8 miles is roughly the distance between my house and my son and daughter-in-law. In early morning rush hour a "good" run is 40 minutes. To ensure that I'm not late I have to allow 45-50 minutes. It has been known to take over an hour, but thankfully that is a rare occurence!

OP - is there any chance that your daughter would enrol the children in breakfast club at school for the three mornings you currently do? You could possibly offer to do the after-school pick up, which would leave your mornings and lunchtimes your own and may ease her (or her partner's) rush home after work.

Hi everyone thank you for your replys they have made me think more about what to do she didn't discuss it before moving it is the winter that is the worry but I don't want to let my grandchildren down

8 miles isn't really that far - is it an easy route? I drive 11 miles to pick my GDs up from school a couple of times a week (and 11 miles back again, of course!).

Has she made any effort to have the children transferred to a school closer to their new home?

I think it is unacceptable and your daughter is being amazingly selfish to even think that you would do it. Did she discuss this with you before she moved so far away?

Has she perhaps got used to you running round after her doing everything she wants done to make her life easier so that it has never occurred to her that you are an independent person with a life that should not always be focused on facilitating hers?

Oh I missed that Bellanonna. Probably best then to be open and tell DD that it's been causing you sleepless nights worrying how to cope and ask if there is some way the two of you can come to a better solution as you're concerned about the early morning drive in winter weather. And how would she cope if (God forbid) you were unwell?

My daughter is 10/15 mins drive away and I do the school run one morning and 2 afternoons, so not so onerous as three mornings The early morning is a bit of a pain on winter mornings but I do love that it keeps me in regular touch with the day to day goings-on of the DGC, so I'm happy to do it.

That to Rosieroe

I think the OP has already said that she is expected to go to the new house to pick them up so presumably its all been discussed.

I think she is asking too much of you. I would back out gently and say that you feel it is too much, especially with Winter coming in and all the ice, snow and dark mornings you would have to face. What if your car refuses to start?

There are childminders who will do this for parents at a price. She could ask around amongst other parents for recommendations.

If she tries to convince you to do it, stick to your guns, because it really is a very big ask. It's amazing how parents can find alternatives if they have to.

I don't know what the after school arrangements are, but you could maybe offer some help there if it suits you.

Hi Nannyjane. If your DD hasn't mentioned the problem I would think it safe to assume that she plans to continue as before - with her bringing the children to you. She must appreciate your help in ensuring they get to school safely and perhaps doesn't assume that you would drive to her new house to pick them up. If she finds it difficult let her come up with a solution first before suggesting that you're no longer going to be able to help.

No, not silly at all. Can you gently suggest you'll take it on to start her off but you feel you can't keep this up and you hope that after a couple of weeks she will start to look for local help. You could get her to continue to bring them over, and yes she would have to go all the way back. It's 3 days, not every day. Try not to feel guilty. You have been very supportive to her on those three days. Is this primary or secondary school, or both? It's a long journey for them too but I can understand changing to a local school would be a big upheaval. There doesn't seem to be an ideal solution.

Thank you bellanonna
Yes I do feel that she is expecting a lot of me and I don't think she is going to pay any petrol but I don't feel right taking money for looking after my grandchildren am I being silly

Hi suedonim
She only works the 3 days I was thinking about the winter my self but they are my grandchildren I feel guilty not doing it I love them to bits I think I might say for her to still bring them to me as usual. only thing is it will mean her coming to me then having to go all the way back to go to work what would you do

If this is genuine I feel it's a big ask. Eight miles is quite a journey and quite a lot of your petrol. i don't know your age, but I certainly wouldn't want that commitment. If you are a young Gran, fit, and enjoy close involvement with the children then I'm sure you won't mind but since you have posed the question I get the impression you feel a lot is being expected of you. Maybe do it if it is just to tide her over till she finds her feet but I think she needs to find someone locally to take on this,commitment on a regular basis.

Or not every day but three days a week, at any rate! What does she do on the two other days?

Surely it would easier for her to pay someone local to take the children to school than for you to drive all that way everyday. What about in the winter, when making the journey may not be so easy?