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Do you ever think about your first love

(69 Posts)
lemondrizzle Wed 07-Sept-16 10:17:19

Sometimes he just slips into my mind and I get a bit of a sad feeling, I suppose for the life that once was, if that makes sense. I am imagining him how he was (17 and gorgeous) and now he'll be in his 60s like me and I try and imagine what he'll look like..... anyone else have these daft thoughts. smile

DanniRae Thu 08-Sept-16 09:30:02

absent - That was a very touching post and so well put. Thank you.

acanthus Thu 08-Sept-16 09:23:10

absent - I don't think your post is boring - it's a lovely analogy and one which I shall remember.

Re. remembering first love - I do often recall that frisson. We were 17 - he was French and met at a party when I was on a school exchange visit, so doomed from the start. I can still summon up that feeling of anticipation waiting for the postman to bring a letter from him. In the past I did think about returning to that small Normandy town and tracking him down, but what a mistake that would have been. So much better to remember him as 17. I would add that I have been happily married for nearly 50 years and don't think I would have had such a comfortable life had I ended up with Francois!

DanniRae Thu 08-Sept-16 09:20:46

Yes I used to think about him, although we were never really boy friend and girlfriend - I was only 15 but I really liked him. All we had was an innocent walk once when he held my hand but I can still recall how I felt about him. We moved away not long after and I never saw him again.

Sadly I found out from Friends Reunited that he had died. Such a lovely, funny bloke sad.

AllTheLs Thu 08-Sept-16 09:19:03

Yes. We were engaged but I treated him badly. I met and married someone else, but always wondered about David. Then, this time last year I bumped into him in a supermarket. We caught up and shared a hug. The very next night the words to Adele's new single came on the TV - "Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything. They say that time's supposed to heal ya. But I ain't done much healing"

Nearly finished me off! I'm still married to the second man but I do still wonder how my life would have been had I stuck with the first.

absent Thu 08-Sept-16 08:07:25

Being totally boring – I once talked to absentdaughter (in another context) about the heart being like a huge house full of rooms. Some rooms were occupied – Mum's, Dad's, Grandma's, absendaughter's etc. When those people who were no longer with us, the room became empty and no one else could go in there except all of us who loved them. Some rooms had never been used and, if we were lucky, someone came to live there in one of them. It never made anyone else's room smaller; it just opened another door.

I guess that that there still is a room occupied, but dusty, by my first love. It doesn't make the rooms smaller for those I loved before him or after him – but he still has his room.

That probably bores anyone who is reading this but has rather surprised me!

absent Thu 08-Sept-16 07:59:00

I suspect that everyone still thinks about their first love from time to time and, if that never went anywhere and faded away, sometimes thinks of what might have been. I occasionally spare a thought to mine and he was, perhaps even is, very special to me; I was not his first love but I was around for many years so I sometimes wonder if he spares a thought to me. Who knows?

However, I would never go looking for him after all these years. We are not who we were when we were what we were. We have other people – even other generations – in our lives now.

You cannot step into the same river twice. It flowed on.

Lisalou Thu 08-Sept-16 07:34:27

Yes, and I hear about him sometimes as his wife and i are on social media and friends. I am happy he is happy and I dont think we would have suited, as we grew older.
I have now been with husband number two for 15 years and wouldnt have it any other way (husband number one was a disaster!)

L

kittylester Thu 08-Sept-16 06:35:22

He WASNT good enough.

kittylester Thu 08-Sept-16 06:34:21

My daughter now lives close to his family home so he does cross my mind sometimes. He was good enough for mum and I went out with him for far too long just to defy her. When I got engaged to dh she said ' bet you are glad I saved you from Xxx, aren't you?' confused

Smartcookie1 Wed 07-Sept-16 23:23:23

Your first love never fades. 44 years later I still feel the same, only he has no idea

Lynker Wed 07-Sept-16 22:10:16

I was engaged to my first love for 4 years but we broke up for various reasons. We both married and I divorced some 20 years later. We bumped into each other at a function 10 years ago and he contacted me shortly afterwards wanting to meet up (He said he had just left his wife}. I decided not to meet him as I was by then in a new relationship. I understand that he re-married a few years later. I recently heard that he had committed suicide. I often wonder 'what if?'.

hildajenniJ Wed 07-Sept-16 21:53:29

I had a marriage proposal at age 17. I turned him down as I didn't think either of us was old enough. He was 19. I do sometimes wonder where he is now, and what he did with his life.
I have been very happily married to my DH for 34 years. I was 30 when we got married, but I'd known him since I was 18.

fiorentina51 Wed 07-Sept-16 19:45:25

?

Wobblybits Wed 07-Sept-16 19:39:10

"we have been together for 53 years and married for 49", that post is worrying, is i just a co-incidence that I have also ---- OR shock

trendygran Wed 07-Sept-16 18:48:52

Met up with him-and his wife ,after my husband died and 40 years since I had seen him. Had often thought about him during those years? Now we all meet occasionally and I get to know what they are doing through his wife's posts on Facebook!
She is vey nice -and very lucky! We never 'dumped 'each other but life took us in different directions.

M0nica Wed 07-Sept-16 18:31:18

I do not think that remembering your first love means any implication that you regret anything since, or that anything since is second rate. To hear that someone, once dear to you has died, always brings memories back and some are good and make you smile and others tinged with sadness.

It was the same when anyone one once knew whose death you hear of affects you. I recently discovered that the nicest manager I ever had during my working years had died. We got on really well and the project I worked on with him was mentioned in his obituary.I had a feeling of sadness when I heard of his death and still do, he was not that much older than me.

Beth61 Wed 07-Sept-16 18:11:28

My first love's mother did not think I was good enough for him. Even though it upset him, he insisted I was the one for him and we got engaged. 8 weeks before the wedding, he asked me to postpone it for a year until his mother " got used to the idea ". By then we had been together for 4 years! After much thought, I gave him an ultimatum but he couldn't decide so we split. I was devasted but then I met him at a University reunion a few years ago and realised that I had had a lucky escape - he had been married and divorced twice and both times his mother had been a factor! Very happy with my DH.

jusnoneed Wed 07-Sept-16 18:07:31

I always think of mine in January - we shared the same birthday though he was 5 years older than me. I went out with him from the age of 15 to 17, he did suggest we get engaged but then we had a silly falling out and went our separate ways. We did meet up once, about 10 years later.

Envious Wed 07-Sept-16 17:37:41

Yes sometimes cause he did very well for himself. Broke my heart at 16. Was such a shock to have someone who claimed to love me to bits drop me like a hot potato. Hard lesson at 16. We even talked marriage!

TriciaF Wed 07-Sept-16 17:22:21

I've sometimes thought about my first love - we met at school, he was a little older than me and went off to do his National Service.
When he came back on leave he had some 'new ideas' (blush then said we should get married. I was very naive.
But my parents wouldn't hear of it.
I've tried to trace him, just out of curiosity because I'm content with my husband of nearly 40 years now.

numberplease Wed 07-Sept-16 17:10:47

I never thought about mine for many years, until an old schoolfriend rang me from Australia, we hadn`t spoken for 50 years, and she mentioned about me going out with T..... W..... Now I`m wondering where he is and what he`s done with his life, that`s if he`s still actually with us!

morethan2 Wed 07-Sept-16 17:08:04

Nope, long forgotten lost in the midst of time.

KatyK Wed 07-Sept-16 16:47:12

Obieone Yes it's certainly a coincidence. In those days I was a staunch Roman Catholic due to my upbringing, hence the praying at night. I am not now - perhaps I should be smile

cornergran Wed 07-Sept-16 15:59:18

I do now and again, more out of curiousity than anything. No regrets about my long marriage so no sadness.

millymouge Wed 07-Sept-16 15:46:14

Yes I do, but not in a regretful way. I can still remember the house where he lived and some years ago when in the locality actually drove past it. Anyway we were both too young for it to be serious but breaking up hurt very much at the time. I have been married to a wonderful man for over 50 years this year so things do turn out for the best smile