I'm tired and emotional.....

jogginggirl My heart goes out to you. You're doing the best you can so try not to beat yourself up. There's no easy answer and it's all very upsetting. Just keep reassuring your mum and giving her lots of love, but look after yourself too.

jg, I've no personal experience to offer, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and sending ((hugs)).

You know you've done your very best for your dear mum, now as you always have, and her flat sounds lovely. It'll be a relief for you too to know that she's safe there when you can't be with her. You're a wonderful daughter

My friend hopefully it will get better but do be prepared it may not
My Mum had to go into residential when she became unsafe to leave with my elderly Dad in her own home It was the most heart breaking decision of my life (i am an only child) and through the next 7 years I went through every emotion you can imagine as she went through every phase of dementia and each was worse than the last She was a fighter which was to her detriment she fought everything and everyone to try and retain what she knew she was losing her brain her understanding her control ...... I visited nearly every day after work and weekends she ended her days with no hearing (refused her hearing aid it used to go flying) cataracts on both eyes no ability to speak bar gobbly di gook, no knowledge of knowing anybody, not even photos incontinent and in her last hours I had to make the decision of no resuscitation. That was four years ago and I still cannot have peace, I think of things I should have done, things I shouldnt have done, i see all my own inadequacies of those years and beat myself up
My only advice is do all you can, she will ask many times when she can go home I used to say just a few more days it was a total lie but she had no sense of time so i hoped it just gave her help at the moment she asked, I still have no idea if I did the right thing or not Sometimes she would be extremely hostile to me other times loving sometimes take no notice and that could all happen in one visit
However the good news is some people never reach the stages my MUm did your Mum may just remain a bit confused and it sounds as if you have others to share the visits with talk to people as much as possible get things off your chest and share as much as you can Good luck from the bottom of my heart.... Rubylady is right you are doing what is best and all you can xx

Wise words from Ruby . Very sad for you Joggingirl , next time she asks those questions I would just say what you think she wants to hear ie if she asks do I have to stay here long just say "just for a few weeks" etc She will settle down but the more she has familiar people around her the more relaxed she will be. Is she near enough for you to pop in and out ? Hope she settles soon xx

Aw jogging I really do feel for you, and your darling mum. I'm sorry to say but probably not. It is heartbreaking to have to go through. Probably more for you than for her, I suspect. Is she in a place where there are carers? Does she have any meals cooked for her?

My dad was in a place where he had his own flat but went downstairs to the dining room for his lunch, which he loved. They also had social nights and parties, although he was only there for 12 months. He did love it there though, even though he had dementia too. The carers seemed very good with him, he used to joke with them and he enjoyed their company.

Has your mum got plenty of photos of you all around her? Try to let her keep as much of her own things as possible. I tried to buy new things for my dad when he moved, thinking it would cheer him up, but it was the wrong thing to do, and just got him agitated as he wanted his own things around him, even his old sleeping bag over his knees. Whatever makes her happy.

The one thing I learnt about dementia is not what you do for someone but how you leave them feeling. So if you can, try to leave her feeling relaxed, happy as much as possible, even on a phone call. I tried to joke with my dad, get him laughing. But don't feel bad if this doesn't happen for some reason. If there are carers, then phone them a short time later and see if they will check on her, put your mind at rest. I suppose it's a little like checking on a child in school when they are unsettled. It is hard, very hard and will be with you for some time. Don't beat yourself up about it, you are doing your best. She is safe, looked after and you are visiting and phoning. You can't do any more. Look after yourself, take care of you. Treat yourself a little, it is a rough ride to go through. Lots of love and best wishes. Xxx