I'm tired and emotional.....

annsixty
It must be like a bereavement in a way, the person you once knew has gone but is physically still there.
It must be so hard

H is now asleep. I will wake him when I am ready to go to bed. I do not know what companionship is any more. Just stating facts and not feeling sorry for myself, I am used to it now and accept it.

Thoughts and prayers with you and your mum. What a difficult time for you all, but how lucky she is to have a daughter showing such love and concern for her. I am sure that, no matter how confused and agitated she may be at times, that love and patience will be felt and appreciated.

I have a small dose of Citalopram every day . I feel I should treble it but don't think GP would agree. If you haven't lived it you have no idea what it is like, and I hope very very sincerely you never do .

Would definitely agree with nana3, try to keep those with dementia out of hospital if at all possible. Our experience was horrendous.

Our family have been on a long journey with dementia. The disease changes as the months and years go by and gets more difficult for those that love them. I'm so sorry jg, I don't know what else to say.
Try to keep her out of hospital if you can, it seems to escalate more quickly there.
My very best wishes to you.

I have never heard of the crisp scheme, certainly carers are under an incredible amount of pressure because of the nature of the disease and there is very little support out there for them. Certainly I ended up on medication when I just couldn't cope with things.

I am volunteering for the CRISP scheme as friends of around 70 (and younger) have recently become carers and i want to help people like them as much as possible.

good for you Kittylester. I am looking forward to the walk and also volunteer at a local day centre for people with alzheimers. it took a while until i felt i could cope, but 3 years after my dear mum died, I feel I am ready.

silverlinings, I've just started volunteering for Alzeimer's and am planning on helping on our local walk.

Sorry - typo should say mum. Typing too fast - emotional.

This is so hard. My mother had a dementia for six years and I sadly became an expert in how to cope. She was very worried about a picture frame that was broken so I took the picture out. She was then very worried about the frame and the glass. I took it down the corridor and gave it to a Carer to dispose of. However poor mum was a bit paranoid about the Carers so I told her there was a special man who dealt with broken frames and glass. She accepted this with a happy smile. You have to be endlessly patient and creative. Mud died peacfully at 90 and I was so glad I had stayed with her and made her feel better as best I could, that's all any of us can do.

As kitty says, never argue with someone who has dementia. Just agree with whatever nonsense they say and smile. I had to put my Mum in a residential home after it became too dangerous for her to stay at home. I had to sell her house to pay for her care but she still had a key in her purse.

She used to ask when she was going home. I would ask her if the doctor had said she could go home. I would then ask her if she had the key safe and she would check her purse and find it so I would say 'that's good, you'll be able to get in'. It was a lie but it kept her happier.

It's a dreadful time but you are getting help now jogging girl. Looking after my Mum when she was still in her own home nearly broke up my marriage. In the end my husband, who had been wonderful in helping me, said it was either my Mum or him.

Just want to mention Alzheimers do a memory walk every year, which takes place at venues all over the country. I have done it twice, either walking or as a volunteer helping, and will do so again this year. It is emotional, inspiring, and really quite heartwarming to be with people who have all been involved one way or another with dementia, such a cruel disease. Most walks are end sept/october. Check online for details. It really is a good day out.

You were up very late last night/this morning. Hope you got some sleep. I wanted to mention music too is a help, i used to leave mum with a tape of her favourite music on in her room and asked the carers to put music on when they were washing/dressing her. It probably was the thing which helped most as her dementia progressed. I used to hold her hand, do her nails, just sit quietly with her. It is so hard. I cried buckets but on reflection, though it may not get better, we get better at accepting the situation. I feel for you. Just do what you can, be there, love her as she is and as she was, so in future you never have regret. Hope today is marginally better than yesterday. Hugs.

No doubt it was the best decision JG but it's only natural to worry about her.You seem a very caring daughter to me, and your Mother is lucky to have you.?

You did what you did because you love and care about your mother. So hard a decision.

Something I forgot to say is that my brothers and I laughed between us at the things mum said - it helped loads!

jg, Ive just seen this and wanted to give you a hug.

From my experience with my mum I think this bit is about the worst time. The confusion can be very frightening for the dementia sufferer if they are still having 'lucid' periods.

As ruby said, photographs can be invaluable and a brilliant source of conversation.as your mum's world shrinks.

My mum is nearing the end and is not giving in but fighting all the way. To see her you would think that she had a really poor quality of life but I think she is happy in the moment and is unaware of her situation.

Mum's psychiatrist told us never to argue with her but also not to tell her lies which is very hard to manage. We found it best not to tell mum that people had died, even if it was 30 years ago, as she became upset all over again. So my father seems to spend all his time at work and mum's parents are on permanent holiday.

Keep talking to us - I've had amazing support on here.

I typed a long reply to all responses to my post and now it seems to have disappeared? It's late and I'm tired, I'll try again tomorrow....

Luckygirl your comment "life is of the moment" for those with dementia was really useful. I have been trying this with my aunt who is 91 and in a home. As long as I can leave her cheerful after a visit or a phone call it is a good thing. The fact that 5 mins later she has completely forgotten I was there could be distressing if I didn't think like that.
My difficulty is that she continually phones asking to speak to my mother (her only sister) who died 20 years ago. She won't accept that she has gone.

Like so many others, I have been in your situation with my dear mum who died 3 years ago now after 10 long years with dementia. She had to go into a nursing home and It would be a lie if I said that things improved because they didn't other than she was no longer on her own in her house where she had lived for 55 years, and carers were on hand 24 hours a day, so we were not having to rush over to her to deal with whatever was going on. You will go through all sorts emotions.. visit as often as you can or if not, ensure if possible mum gets a visit a few times a week from someone else, as she gets used to her new surroundings. I felt I needed to visit often, at different times of the day or night, and always was watchful of how staff treated other residents, just to reassure myself. Mum needs to be safe. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

jogginggirl

Always a very sad and an extremely emotional time when we get to this point with those we love so dearly.

Please accept a hug from me for both yourself and your dear mum.

Nothing to reassure you, just understanding. I may be in your shoes myself some day only with my H.
My only good thing is that presently his deterioration is very slow but I can't rely on it always being like that. You are doing your very best for her, take some comfort in that.

Many of us have been there.........my Mum was very confused and was in a residential home in the end. I do not think that she was ever quite sure where she was.

The thing to remember is that for someone with advancing dementia, life is of the the moment. The way to approach it is to try and make each moment as good as you can make it. On those occasions when she is asking where she is, a reassuring answer is the one to go for. She is unlikely to remember what you have said.