Children at weddings

No she knows they don't want her or the kids there and things have taken a turn for the worst. I have politely told them I wouldn't be going to the wedding so my brother and his family aren't talking to me. I have also found out that my brother and his family no longer visit my dads grave, I've been told it's because my grandson was buried with him and they're not happy about it. I am utterly devastated and after finding this out I really don't know if I want a relationship with them at all. Xx

ann60 we were invited to our niece's evening do, but not the wedding. Only about 25 people attended the wedding and meal - close family members and close friends. We heard that a sister of the groom's mother was invited, but none of the bride's parents' siblings were invited, which was a little hurtful to be honest. Like you, we would have had a journey of 300 miles each way and at least one overnight stay, so the expense would have been considerable and IMO not worth the trouble for just an evening do. I have health problems, which are known to them, and so I believed they would understand, expect even, that we would not attend. But no! My niece has not spoken to me since, though we were once close and used to speak regularly on the phone. I sent a sizeable cheque as a present and did not even get a thank you! Weddings are indeed fraught with danger

No, Ann you are not cynical. An invite is just that, you are allowed to say yes or no to attend. Why is it that we feel guilty if we want to say no?

I'm not a fan of weddings at all these days or any "do". You can't get to see the person whose wedding/party it is because they are flitting about, there are people I don't know and, like Ann said, it is usually noisy and lots of people, which I don't like now. I would rather have a lunch with someone to celebrate on a one to one basis. I'm just a grump, but love it.

No A60 a realist. I hate noisy discos too and when my DiL celebrated her 40th last year I gained a lot of brownie points by offering to take all four GC back to my house at 9.00pm and keep them overnight.

Little did they know .....I couldn't wait to escape.

If you're cynical then I'm Machiavellian!!

Even if invited to the whole do I do not stay for the evening as I can't stand noisy discos when most people are drunk if drinking all day or very noisy. If just invited to the evening it is a polite refusal as said above it is expensive and quite frankly you are second division. My D and SiL were invited to their cousins wedding, where we had been invited to the day, just for the evening. Their child was not included which meant leaving him with friends, we would have had 2 nights hotel expenses and them one and a 300 mile each way journey. We declined both invites as quite frankly we felt they expected us to. We both sent presents as again we felt they expected us to . Am I cynical?

Love the wedding ceremony itself and the reception afterwards with all the cringe-worthy speeches but hate the evening does, so usually manage to slip away after a reasonably appearance.

Gravy I'd say go to the wedding and the meal for sure. As far as the evening do then if your daughter wants to go then you'll have company and if not then skip it.

I will never go to to an evening reception again I think it is horrible to join the rest of the people who have been wined and dined and you arrive cold sober . As for not going to the wedding just do not turn up. We were invited to the evening do of my oldest friend's daughter . It was some distance away so we booked in the hotel where it was being held and arrived to be greeted by her husband and a couple of other people. We stood and chatted for a little while and eventually my husband said pontedly to me " Do you want a drink ? " He had to go and buy me one. We had the one drink and went to our room. My friend has said a couple of times that she did not remember seeing us there but nobody really missed us. They did have plenty of money so no excuse for lack of a drink .

Last year DH and I were invited to Nephews wedding, as were DH's other brother and wife. None of our children or grandchildren were invited. Although, when we got there my SiLs whole family were invited and in attendance.
The four of us were virtually ignored, both at the church ceremony and reception we were placed away from the rest of the family!

It is the last wedding in that branch of the family that we will attend! Despite the Christmas card saying it was nice to see us!

Life's too short for why's. Go, eat their food, drink their wine and catch up with relatives. Their actions may or may not be intentional, if it's the latter enjoy yourself knowing you are a better person than they are.

Weddings are a social minefield.....I think you should go.

I would go to try and keep things peaceful. Is your daughter going to the evening do?

Personally, wouldn't go !

that would only make it worse just go and grin and bear it for the sake of peace and quiet after all its just one day.