Seeing my grand children feels like a reward system

scousenan you have my sympathy , its not nice to feel a bit used . People can be very thoughtless and only seeing you when they need something from you is a selfish way to be . I don`t think it is the natural order of things at all . I think maybe being busy next time you are required is a good idea and also doing some things just for yourself ie a hobby or charity work will make you feel better and more fulfilled . Maybe a gentle chat with her if you feel able , she may be just so wrapped up in her own life she doesn`t realise how her actions are coming across .

scousenann I was in a similar position for a while when my daughter was widowed. I saw her and the baby virtually every day for more than two years, we went on holiday together, I frequently had the baby to stay for days at a time - and then my daughter re-married and everything changed. I had quite a bit of adjusting to do, but understood that my daughter now had a much more 'normal' life and I needed to slip into the background - as parents of adult children do. Those years were very precious to both of us and have given my grandson and I a wonderful bond. I am sure that you will come to terms with the new situation and will reclaim a life of your own that includes your daughter and grandchildren, but is no longer dominated by them. I expect your daughter is glad that she is no longer so dependent on you and you can now pursue interests of your own.

Be happy for them. They are enjoying "proper" family life. I understand how you are feeling. Someone said to me once "We are never as important to our children/grandchildren as they are to us". Sad but true. Trust them and things will find their own level.

It's the natural order of things I'm afraid. Your daughter and grandchildren adore you I'm sure. Sometimes our children need us to prop them up when times are hard, then, when they start to cope, it can seem they don't care. They do. But they take our love as 'unconditional' therefore, she's probably not even considered how you may be feeling. She sounds really busy. She has twins (exhausting!) and her partner worked away, now home, so of course, you are not needed as much, but still valued I would hope. Just they are being a family again and makes you feel pushed out. You still see her on a Tuesday (some grandparents see their kids rarely, or in some cases (see on this site) never). I would see your friends and have some 'you' time. Still being there as much valued Gran also.

Can you not have a chat with her over a cup of tea and explain how you feel? Do this without getting too upset ( not easy).
Perhaps the children could come over once a week. Most of all you also need a life of your own to busy yourself with. Then you wouldn't be available , Tuesday and Thursday for example. Perhaps some volunteering or a club. Make them want you.

We had our GC living with us for a few years and Mr LD in particular found it hard to give them back. I know this is a different situation but the same sort of feelings. You feel lonely and unwanted . Take care but keep busy.