What can I say to my husband (who is furious)?

Our WFI Group regularly collect food, toiletries and sanitary products for our two local foodbanks. I was in conversation one day with two of the mostly elderly, volunteer drivers who deliver food parcels in their own cars to those who are too ill, disabled or old or perhaps have several children and cannot walk miles to and from the foodbank. The drivers recounted tales of the verbal abuse from passers by they suffered on a daily basis as they loaded their smart cars with bags of food, usually for several families at a time. They said they had given up trying to explain what the were doing as SOME people preferred to think the worst and spread stories of perfectly fit men with good cars walking out of foodbanks with £££s worth of groceries.

Our Church run foodbank is quite formal and sticks to the rules e.g. only 3 parcels = 9 days worth of food for any family/single person with a referral to a benefits advisor. They will only accept donations of tinned or packaged food - nothing fresh. The other run by a community group is much more flexible and while being firm with anyone they consider to be playing the system, will provide daily food to e.g adults with learning disabilities who are unable to comply with intricacies of the benefit system. They accept donations of homegrown vegetables and fruit, home baking, jam etc. and have built up contacts with allotment associations, other community groups who help ensure that there is always a pot of soup, scones and cups of tea on the go.

You said it before me ana!

They seem to be the only ones who post made-up soppy stories on FB and other social media sites!

Are only Americans kind and caring ?

(I won't say whaat I really think about that sort of American sentimentalism...)

I really think we need to track them down and find out now - with such interesting suggestions I would love to know if anyone got it right

There was a little video on my facebook page the other day. It was in the USA but the thought is the same. A young girl, 11 or 12 I would say had asked her "mom" about the homeless people she saw. Her mum tried to explain that this could happen to anyone, etc. So the little girl sewed some nice bags for life type bags and filled them. When she had one filled she went out (with mum and auntie at a safe distance) and gave it to someone she found on the street. She had decided to fill her bags with soap, deodorant, personal products, etc. Her mother commented that when they took the last one out the lady she gave it to looked very embarrassed and said that she would love to give the girl a hug but she had just wet herself. The little girl took it in her stride and just said "don't worry there are things in their to help you clean yourself up".

I love kids!

Interesting how areas differ. There are half price fares for registered jobseekers in my county, and taxis here are expensive. We had no choice but to take one for a 40 minute journey the other day and it cost £27 before tip, as opposed to a £2.90 bus fare. DH is still recovering, especially as he has a senior bus pass

I've been surprised at how holier than thou some posters have been towards the OP, who has been a lot more measured than I would have been in replying to some snarky comments. The OP's husband is entitled to wonder! The discussion has been interesting - shame we'll never know the truth.

Perhaps they had been shopping and gone into the food bank to donate something?

My question - what did we all do before food banks. There was a documentary about them when they first came about with this character collecting his food, whining about how hard done by he was and smoking a jolly cigarette, or two or three.
If you offered some of these people your eyeballs - they'd come back for the sockets.
Bring back conscription!

I think if you have a bus pass you sometimes don't realise how expensive buses now are. I was out early the other morning and paid £1.40 for a short journey (about 4 stops) I would have walked it but had an appointment. Taxis are often cheaper for 2. thatbags hardly anyone gets a bus pass these days!

Elrel, we would think about volunteering in a food bank but rather busy volunteering in other places just now.........but who knows in the future when we get some free time. Thanks for the suggestion though.

I would just tell your husband that he doesn't know enough about the circumstances of the women to judge them. Then remind him that unless he knows the full picture, the kindest to do in most circumstances is to give people the benefit of the doubt. Trust me, thinking the best about people makes you feel happier in general.

Funnily enough, yesterday I told my husband that I had only just realised there's no local buses in the town where my Mum lives. People walk, get a taxi or use their car. She's only lived there since 1991. Guess what? He hadn't noticed either.

People using food banks may not be able to pay the minimum for a free Iceland delivery. I expect your local food bank is aware of clients' true circumstances. Maybe one of you could volunteer there.

JackyB, he generally sees the best in everyone and seemed to be genuinely confused about what he had seen so I felt I needed to maybe come up with some reasons for him.

Reading up about this last night, it would appear that some food banks are not keen on giving food to people who arrive/leave in taxis, rightly or wrongly.

Re taking taxis for shopping, I can fully appreciate why it may well work out more economical for someone to do that. I would tend towards free supermarket delivery slots should I not be fortunate enough to have a husband who does the shopping daily for me.

I agree One way bus fare from where I live (about a mile) to town is £2.80 Taxi about £5.
And people who have fallen suddenly on hard times may already have had a car and a hefty mortgage. This happened to us 25years ago .Husband made redundant with little notice. I was a SAHM .I went back to work and was the main breadwinner for 8 years (earning less than half DH previous salary) .I calculated how much we would have got in benefits and it was frightening .We were never big spenders and the redundancy payment helped,so would not have qualified for food bank , but we came very close to selling our house
I have learnt not to judge

Peace - why do you think you need to justify the action of those two women to your husband?

This is an interesting discussion.

roses - a taxi from my home into town 3 miles away is about 5 or £6, the bus fare is £4.75 one way. So for two people it's cheaper and more convenient to get a taxi.
thatbags - no, people who need to use food banks don't get a bus pass. They're restricted to children who go to school 3 miles away from their home and to OAPs. People who are unemployed don't get bus passes.

Maybe your question about obesity and poverty needs to be a thread on its own. I think its more complicated than poor diet.

paucity of rather than poverty of

Now I want to ask something that will cause controversy. Not because I want to cause controversy but because I'd genuinely like to know. Now that food banks are widespread is obesity among poor people falling? In the past I've seen reports that there is more obesity among the poor than in the whole population. I think this is generally supposed to be because of poor diet rather than an actual poverty of calories.

I agree, though, that running a car is probably more expensive than taking a certain number of taxi rides.

Taxis aren't cheaper round here. A taxi from the nearest town costs at least ten times as much as the bus.

Wouldn't people who need food parcels also get a bus pass? I do find it an odd idea that someone who needs to use a food bank is able to run a car. Obviously, some will need to because of their work but the whole idea of being able to afford a car but not food for your family seems slightly squiffy in my mind. Yes, I know it's not simple. I'm just saying.

I would agree Eloethan that you can buy a good number of taxi rides for the annual costs of running a car. The cost of purchasing a car, the road tax, insurance, oil, petrol, cleaning, servicing and tyres and other things I have probably forgotten. It is an expensive tool.

I can't drive but when I worked part-time I used to do the shopping while my husband was at work. I used to get a taxi home because (a) the buses stopping at the supermarket didn't go within a reasonable walking distance of where I live; and (b) I couldn't have carried the bags up the road from the bus stop anyway.

People who can't afford to buy, insure, and maintain a car sometimes have few options but to get a taxi.

Two bus fares may equal or be less than the cost of a shared taxi anyway.

Also it depends where you live, in a Yorkshire city a couple of years ago, I was amazed at the cheap fares taxis charge there.Here a twenty five min journey ( one way to hospital)cost £35.

Iam64, I think sometimes the media can present a rather bleak picture of people abusing the system and we can get a bit judgmental at times. Funnily enough, my husband is usually the one to point out that they are the exceptions and that most people don't take advantage. I suppose today was his first real life experience of seeing people at a food bank and he was surprised at the scene.