Will I ever become a grandma?

WaitingGran you are a wife, mum and a mum in law which is far more than some others have so just concentrate on being the best in what you are. You are not a gran so you can't lose what you haven't had. You do have hope so just keep that to yourself, tucked away quietly. If they told you that you would never be a gran then you would have grief and that is something you would find difficult to show and would be compelled to hide. Better to live in hope!

PS Keep quiet!

DD always maintained she would never have children and she hasn't, she has been married 24 years and is happy with her career and I am happy that she is happy. When DS married I did not expect GC as they were both in good jobs but after three years they announced the pregnancy and four years later GD announced that she was going to be a big sister. That took the wind out of their sails and they had to admit it was true and showed us the scan picture, having lost the previous baby DIL had hoped to keep it a secret a little longer

Be careful what you wish for! I wanted to be a gran. I am a gran. I have no contact whatsoever with my grandchildren. It doesn't always necessarily work out. Let the couples involved make their own decisions.

I would imagine that it would be easier to talk to daughters about planning babies than to sons but I think it all depends on your relationship with your children. Only one of my children has children of their own.
My youngest daughter has had medical problems which may well mean that she can't have her own babies, but we have always had a very open relationship and talk about everything from IVF to surrogacy and adoption.
I don't have the same relationship with my boys or my other daughter. I'm close to my DIL but know that her relationship will always be closer with her mother and would never have talked to her about this.
When we married in the 70's it was normal for people to ask you when you were planning to have children, not whether you were, and personally I'm pleased that people are now free to be open about choosing to remain childless. It must be very difficult to tell parents and parents-in-law that there will be no grandchildren so I can quite see why people choose not to say anything, if only to avoid family pressure. I do find it hard to understand why people are secretive about problems conceiving or carrying babies to term though.

Lily flower . Kittens worked for me. Never being particularly maternal gEtting a kitten helped me decide many years ago that perhaps a baby would be OK. Yes id aft I know. So when I became pregnant at 27 after 7 years marriage I was registered as an old mother because being over 25 was regarded as old. My daughters best friend has just had her first child at 40 , so nil desperandum. It's never too late, and these days babies are being born healthy and happy into the late thirties and beyond. Trouble is we grandparents get older and it gets harder ,to run around after them when we do the inevitable childminding duties.

It's a tricky situation. I know my son will never marry or have a child but I am reconciled to that except that I am sad for him that he will not have a loving relationship with a partner. My daughter wants children and is living with a lovely BF. At nearly 25 she is still young but does not know if the dear BF will propose and she would not think of having children outside marriage. Also, their getting a kitten recently has made them both realise how much more responsibility children would be when they are both pursuing demanding careers. I long for a wedding and grandchildren but in this strange modern world I might well be waiting a long time and will have to find other consolations.

I you as their mother feel you can't ask them and that is your gut feeling then I wouldn't ask. They will be under pressure I'm sure from friends with babies and sooner or later they will start planning.
My SIL said from the beginning that there would be no children and those who want to be childless are often open about it.

I wouldnt Ask unless the subject comes up. If they are trying it can be very upsetting.

You care about them, so ask. The worst they can say is no.

I also had no grandchildren at 60 but now at72 have 6! My DiL had severAl miscarriages and eventually had a baby at 39, and another at 42!

I suppose it must be different with boys but I know both my DDs want children.Indeed DD1 broke off a three year relationship last year as the man in question changed his mind on the matter .
Neither is married or in a serious relationship and I sometimes despair of having grandchildren but I wouldn't ask intrusive questions .I think they would tell me if they were having trouble conceiving though and I would encourage the in-laws to be told
One of DD1 friends is saving for IVF Neither set of parents knows-they are both very well off .I find it extraordinary that they do not share the fact It would be a first grandchild on both sides and I'm sure they would be more than happy to fund it

I never expected to be a granny. My son is not married and my daughter had a partner but was very career-orientated. I never felt it was appropriate for me to ask if she planned to have a family but she surprised me the year before last by announcing her pregnancy. I had practically given up hope and was quite anxious during the build up to the birth as she was a more 'mature' mother. However, I now have a delightful grandson with whom I have a wonderful relationship. Don't give up hope! x

I don't know if it helps, but I had resigned myself to never being a grandmother as my daughter hadn't even got a partner at the age of 37, but a year later she gave birth to DGS - and I was lucky enough to be present for it!
Don't think she'll have any more though, as the relationship broke down before the boy was a year old, but he's enough for me!

It is a awful situation as I bet the Mother of the DIL knows all about the ongoing situation. I would have said I was extremely close to my son and I like my DIL. However, I didn't know that they had been trying since their marriage to become pregnant. I never asked.
So we were in the dark for approximately 18 months. Eventually my son told me that they were trying IVF. He said that his wife didn't want anyone to know ! So we were regarded as ' anyone ' That hurt. My son had noone to talk to but my DIL talked to her sister and Mother and friends. Mmmmm
I gave them £5000 immediately and I have been kept in the loop ever since.
I have never asked about it as it is my DIl who has the problem.
I am so glad that I have a daughter with children, who are the light of our lives. I feel sorry for those who only have sons. You are often 'anyone' to the DILs.

As I never had any particular desire to be a granny I never asked, but I don't suppose they would have minded if I had. I adore my grandson by the way.

My three daughters stated firmly that they were not intending to have children, but all intended to be favourite aunts, but then they saw the flaw in the plans.
We reached sixty with no grandchildren, and at seventy had nine!
I think my point is that they may not know themselves.

I think it really does depend on how close you are to them. In my family we have always been very open about asking, and my parents were always diplomatic on such matters, but did ask our plans. My eldest is now 24 (still very young) but has always said she does not want kids. I tend to think she may never have kids, but who knows? She is happy to talk about her feelings, but then we have always been close.
I do think there is a difference between asking once and tactfully, rather than asking and badgering repeatedly. I put myself in your DC shoes and I wouldn't mind if my mother asked me, once.

As a young married it never occurred to me that my parents and in-laws might be wondering if I was going to produce a grandchild. I would have been horrified if any of them had asked me about it.
Value your family for who they are and if any grandchildren arrive, so much the better.

I wouldn't ask. It is not really any of our business, IMO. Much better if a GC does come along and you have the joy of surprise.

I wouldn't be asking either! DD tried for 2+ years before getting pregnant but unless she brought up the subject I didn't pry ask. She had some preliminary blood tests which were normal but was planning more intervention during her summer break until she happily became pregnant.
Now, DGD is almost 2.5 and I assume they are trying for another baby, but again I keep Schtum!

I wouldn't say a word. It is a strange situation really, as their decision about whether or not to have children will have such an impact on your life, but it is totally their own business. You know your own children and if you have the slightest suspicion that they would find your questions intrusive, I would say nothing, as there may be good reasons why they choose not to talk about it.

We had difficulty conceiving our first child and had fertility treatment, which was still in its infancy in those days. We kept our problems to ourselves and didn't tell our parents. It was stressful enough the two of us waiting to see if I started a period every month without having four other people involved - it would have been too much pressure. It took its toll on us emotionally, and also financially, as fertility treatment was not available on the NHS then and we had pay for private treatment in Harley Street which we could barely afford. So I was not very happy when my DM (who had two GC from my younger sibling who all lived in Switzerland) told me she thought we were being very selfish in remaining childless as she and my DF wanted more grandchildren. I did forgive her ....... eventually!

I'd say to the son who has been married three years that you would love to know if his brother and wife intend to have children, but are not sure if it's appropriate to ask - what does he think?

Actually, my mother-in-law did ask me if her son and I wanted kids. I didn't mind at all but I was only in my twenties and, being an only child herself, she also asked me to please not only have one. I didn't mind that either.

So, although I agree that in general it's better to say nothing, I don't agree that the subject is completely taboo. I reckon it depends on the relationship.

I think, and it's just my opinion, that it's an easier subject to bring up with daughters than DiL.

I only have daughters , so I could be wrong.

( and I'm sure if I am someone will let me know

There's a difference between being open, and being perceived by one's DCs as prying into their affairs, jingl.
No doubt you are a model of tact and diplomacy, but perhaps the rest of us feel we should bear in mind 'fools rush in, where angels fear to tread'