Present or no present?

I like the idea of the Reverse Book Club. Thanks for the tip, frue. I've just Googled it and will ask family to subscribe instead of giving me any more 'stuff'. I've already requested gifts from Save the Children wishlist.

I think the invitation to dinner is a great idea

1974cookie. I expect your OH would have been pleased as well

Thank you everyone for your kind, amusing and sensible views. I will pop a donation into a charity box tomorrow.
The party was a great success, a good time was had by all and I saw very little evidence of gifts.

We have always said your presence only, please. no presents. Thank goodness everyone has complied with this request.

This is always a difficult one as I am sure that everyone who has been invited will feel as you do. I think that the charity donation is an excellent idea and I feel sure that the Birthday person would be really pleased at such a very thoughtful gift, I know that I would be.
However, I would also love to be presented with a saucy thong, that would completely and utterly make my day !!

I can't see that there's any grey area here - if someone has specified no presents, their wishes should be respected. A card is all that's needed. Especially if it's the one jingl gave to her husband

I think the donation to charity in the birthday person's name is a good idea.

A friend was invited to a Diamond Wedding anniversary which stated no presents. She felt she couldn't go with nothing so took them a lovely tin of biscuits. It wasn't even acknowledged. My friend was most upset.

No presents means you shouldn't take a gift. Popping round for a cuppa with a packet of biscuits next week might be nice. Last December a local lady celebrated her birthday and requested guests bought toys which she donated to local children. I'm a family support worker and, alongside my colleagues, I distributed a number of appropriate Christmas presents (secretly) to my families. However the invite says no gifts. A card is the right thing. You have done the right thing.

jbf - love that card

A lady from church invited the whole congregation to her 90th birthday party, which was held at the church and specified "No presents."
I went with our daughter, as we were both very fond of her and took her a single red rose and she was chuffed to bits with it!

We tend to take no present to these occasions of specified but sometimes send or take flowers the following week to say thank you for the pArty. Then they get them when all the other flowers have died and its sll a bit anticlimatic (if that's a word?)

I so agree no presents means no presents !! At my mum's 100th birthday quite a few friends left donations and my sister donated £500 to 2 local charities in Mums name..

DH's birthday today. I gave him a card which reads, "Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one."

Back to the thread.

I am tired of stuff and would want my wishes respected, a card is ok but no presents means no presents.

The reason I said up thread that I always take flowers or a plant is that I know that most people will take something. I think that the party giver should say if people would like to donate to a specific charity that would be appreciated. When elderly friends of ours married a few years ago they asked for no presents but an invitation to dinner at the guests house would be very welcome. We had a lovely evening when they came to us and I think they "dined out " for months.

Last year my OH and I went a 100th Birthday Party which also stated no presents. However knowing the Birthday Girl's saucy sense of humour we bought her a bright red lacy thong and told her she was never too old for a bit of fun! She loved it and wrapped it round her wrist for the entire evening and took great delight in showing it to everyone. She said it really made her day even though she had been widowed for 30yrs

A couple of friends and I are giving a subscription to the Reverse Book Club (books are sent to readers in some of the world's poorest countries) in response to No presents please. .

Lilyf- why oh why not take any notice of something specifically requested? Don't get it.

Yes, Gaggi3, last year my sister was 60 and held a village party with strict instructions for no gifts. We're both trying to declutter our homes so I didn't give her anything ( just my presence and input to her party! ) . Later I felt awful as people HAD brought presents ! Lots of flowers that she didn't know what to do with though , so really a waste of money . But I think the fact that I actually turned up was my present ( social occasions make me want to hide ) . It was the best party I'd ever been to !
Life's a funny situation .

Nobody takes any notice of the 'no presents' stipulation though you could make the offering flowers, wine or something for the garden.

I agree that something like a visit is the answer. As we get older we appreciate people's company - especially family! Since I turned 80 (horrors), my 4 children individually, take me on a treat or give me M&S tokens ( I love clothes). I have been to several places that I have never got to visit before - Buckingham Palace ( a special tour including champagne on the terrace!), a weekend in York, horse racing at Sandown Park, Wimbledon, a day on the Broads, Hadrian's Wall, Dover Castle. I've also had Spa days and this year membership of English Heritage and plans to go to the Cotswolds. I am very fortunate to be healthy and active - and hope I remain so!

I went to a celebration a few years ago, "no presents "specified so obeyed. Celebrant (?) later told me of all the generous gifts given ! I felt awful, but also cross.

If is says no presents then I would not give a present. Other guests can arrive with gifts in lovely bags and I feel mean.
Oxfam has gift cards where you donate in someone's name. For example you could "buy " a Goat which could help a family in Africa to become self sufficient .
I think this is the answer. Everyone is a winner.