Stubborn H

It is amazing what some of us women put up with .... my heart goes out to everyone in controlling relationships. I was in one for 18 years and suddenly realized it was partly my fault for allowing him to treat me badly. So I got out of the relationship ASAP. I regained my self respect, lost my low self esteem and although alone now am much happier. You can do it too, somehow. Don't take it anymore.

I tend to agree with Lona and kittylester, why at your age are you not leaving him and living your life, there is a better life out there for you, without being treated like a door mat.

I totally understand how you feel I put up with exactly the same behaviour for 27years it's hard not to just comply with them giving in to their demands as I just wanted to keep the peace and hated the atmosphere if I did go out of the house galavanting as he also called it the only answer is to stand up to him and give him a taste of his own medicine life is too short to be made to feel miserable .

Ditch him!! Just like NonnaAnnie I dumped my 1st OH about 20 years ago and am so glad I did. It was really hard at first but I never considered going back as I was so relieved to be free from the controlling a***h***. He never hit me but his words and other actions were almost as bad. I am now married to a lovely kind considerate man too.

My comment above makes it wound easy, it wasn't, but once I left the feeling on relief and elation was so enormous I remember it to this day.

I had one like yours Chris, I dumped him 20 odd years ago, the best thing I ever did. I now have a lovely kind, considerate man that loves and cares for me.

Don't give in it makes them even worse.

About the meds, just don't do anything. They are his responsibility. He ought to be worried though. Just don't capitulate by helping with them.
He sounds as though he could be unwell apart from being a bully but don't let him drag you down with him. Don't ever apologise for any meals he feels deprived of. Maybe have tins and cheeses in the frig and just tell him to help himself. I appreciate breaking away from a situation like that is much less easy than it sounds but feel you just must not give in to this controlling man and if he chooses to spend nights at the pub then he should sort out his eating arrangements, Keep in touch with us Chris4159

Hi I took my mother to my sisters with me and she is staying with her for a while which is great for her to get away. Just had beans on toast etc for myself for last few nights plus been shattered. He has always been a bit of a bully but could prob cope better when he was working at out of the house.

You CAN leave if you want to despite the responsibility regarding your mother. The decision is yours alone. You can remain a member of the 'ah but.....' brigade or you can take steps to live the rest of your life without this bully. I would suggest you are worth it..

My OH has health problems and was in charge of his own meds , he went downhill rapidly and I had to dole out the meds . I discovered bottles and packs not touched ! If this man didn't take his meds because his wife bought the dispenser for him he would be in bad shape after a week . Maybe that is the answer , no meds will soon do for him !!

Has he always been like this or has it come on gradually over the years? Its quite easy for a new young wife to try and do everything to please her husband and then little by little he expects everything to be done for him. He sounds very spoilt. He is obviously a bully but bullies usually back down if you stand up to them. Easier said than done if it has gone on for so many years but you can't go on like this.

Good point aggie. Perhaps she took her mum with her to her sister's. But that still doesn't explain what her mother ate all week when she didn't cook dinner.

When you went off to your sisters what happened to the elderly Mum ? When you say you didn't make dinner what did she eat ? sorry , maybe I am overthinking this , but there are a few holes here . I apologise in advance if I am being too annoying

Chris you don't say if gets violent-if so, you really must get help but even so his behaviour is completely unacceptable. You need to sit down with him and TELL him he's unreasonable if at all possible. It's like you're looking after another toddler/teenager. Not acceptable. You need to stick to your guns and not run round looking after him while he continues to be so controlling. Easy for us to say when we don't have to live with it though.

Tell him his dinners in the dog !

Come home at a reasonable time and eat like the family he's part of or stock up on crisps at the pub.

No excuses for this man - I wouldn't pander to this bullying.

Leave another note saying you did make a dinner, but he didn't come in and you were starving after your busy day, so you ate it all. Suggest he gets himself a takeaway when he is late next time.

Chris , unless he could turn nasty I would just ignore him . Can you put up with this in the long term though? I had counselling which gave me the strength to leave and it was the best thing I have ever done . My life is now peaceful and MY OWN !

Stubborn H back on rampage again!! A note left for me this morning why have I not cooked him dinners this week. Been annoyed when he has come in from pub at 11.00pm and no dinner left. Fact is I have been working from 7.30 am until 5.30 pm and sons have said they did not want dinners as been out every eve. While husband sits on sofa all day watching tv. Another dign of control trying to creep in.

The sort of actions you describe I would call bullying and I hope you continue to ignore such pathetic behaviour.

He actually decided to take his meds today eventually realised he may be doing himself harm. Idiot. Off to my sisters tom for a few days will give him something else to moan about. Thank you for all the support on Gnet

'Man child' is right. With an emphasis on 'child', and a spoilt one at that! And some of that behaviour definitely comes under the domestic abuse category. Most men do not behave like this.

Good luck with no longer putting up with this behaviour. Don't behave like a doormat. As you see, GNetters are behind you.

This is just not normal behaviour , are you sure he is not suffering from some sort of mental illness ? If not then please don`t put up with this rubbish , you don`t have to leave but just stand up for yourself , if you do he will be so shocked it may just change his attitude towards you . Maybe get some counselling to give you the strength to do it xx

Has he been tested for dementia ?

Chris4159 you don't need to answer this on here but I wonder if he has ever been aggressive towards you. If so you need to be careful about how you stand up to him just for your own safety.
As Alea has said he is controlling your behaviour like a puppeteer.

Crikey Chris.

I'd have enlarged my patio by now and H would have been under it !!

I agree with the other posters , that's not stubborn - that's bullying - abuse even! You're not a child to be reined in and subservient to his wishes and orders. Have you discussed his behaviour with him ?

I think its time for a tough talk and then some even tougher actions .

Good luck.