DH interfering....furio us!

In retirement both parties need to adjust and in this home it is 'least said soonest mended'. Therefore I no longer say anything but what I do makes the point. Kitchen, his domain, utility room mine and he just dumps things in there. I wait a few days and then dump them in his study. He leaves shopping bags around and somehow they seem to find their way to being in his way until he clears them up. When I do the dusting I collect all the bits and pieces he has left lying around and put them in his place at the table. He gets the message and we don't 'have words'. I ignore the state of his study and let him get on with it. I am not that house-proud but I do like things to be in the right place so they are easy to find.

DH infuriates me by turning down the gas under things when I am cooking. His argument is always 'well it was about to boil over', I would almost rather it did, than come back to something that should be ready and have to turn the heat up again. Just let him start on the slow cooker and there will be h*ll to pay!

The more I read the comments on Gransnet , on various subjects the more I`m happy that I`m on my own. No interfering Husband. Do as I please, what I please and when I please.

I say to my DH "There's a fine line between being helpful and interfering". He finds it hard to see the line sometimes.

my partner takes over everything.... Used to upset me ...but now I don't mind if hangs out the washing, loads the dishwasher, Hoover's etc ...more me time !!!

My DH does all the cooking. It's easier to let him get on with it. All my confidence in cooking has been eroded so I no longer do it. Recently he called me to say the cat had been sick on the stairs. My daughter stopped me going to clean it up. She said to her dad, "why do you call mum to clean up the sick, instead of doing it yourself?" Since then I've seen him clean it up without any fuss! I think all of us find "their" retirement very difficult to adjust to. The good bits are the days out, and going out for lunch etc., the bad bits are the lack of "me" time.

We have a mantra It's not helpful if it's not helpful since we moved to a much smaller home ie get out of the way and do your own thing while I do mine

Have to agree with youGillc. when dh retired he was always in the kitchen every time i moved id bump into his bum. He died 8 yrs ago and i really miss his bum!

My DH took over the cooking when he retired. He enjoys it and is an excellent cook. He's also taken over all the shopping. Since he's in charge of the menu it seemed only sensible. We did have problems to start with as the washing up fairy rebelled, but we have a very small kitchen so he quickly learned that washing up as you go made sense.

The trouble is he tells everyone that I cooked and shopped for the first 30 years of our marriage and so he's doing the second 30. That means that in 13 years time we'll have to change back!

Katek, you need to make a stand or else you will be doomed! My DH slowly took over most of the cooking when he retired. He is 'OK' at it, in fact some of his dishes are really lovely but... oh the mess!
He assumes that the 'clearing up fairy' comes along to zap up the mess (over the whole kitchen and how he uses so many utensils or covers so much worktop in detritus, , I really don't know) and the floor... a disaster zone which is apparently invisible to the male species.
Although wonderful in many ways, my OH will interfere in most things - if I let him! He is a 'I know best' type of chap and I would be a carpet-mouse if I let him take me over and didn't challenge him from time to time. I think it may be male boredom - they were dominant males in the office or work-space but now their kingdom is rather small and their workforce (me, in this instance) much reduced! Keep standing your ground when need be! We love 'em really (except when looking at a half hour clean up after supper.........).

My exSiL used to hate taking her husband shopping, she was a spendthrift and he was a skinflint so during the supermarket shop she would load the trolley only to find that when she got home lots of it was missing because he had put it back on the shelf when her back was turned! Needless to say we had some interesting meals there, often eaten during a waging verbal war!

When we retired a few years ago after a few days of being bored DH decided to start doing the housework all in the wrong order to my mind and I got very frustrated as I was planning to my housework in my own time and in my own way. Yes I was actually looking forward to this and resented his intrusion. After a few shout ups I decided to let him do it and then just do what had not been done or correct what had been done incorrectly (in my view). Now several years later he does all the housework except the kitchen and bathrooms or the cooking and it works out just fine. We don't tread on each others toes the division of labour had to be worked at and their were several skirmishes along the way.

Take turns in the kitchen to cook. Simple!

This post struck a chord with me! My husband retired a 5 years ago, and he was most infuriating with several of his habits, but especially when it came to the pantry. I would go to grab an item, which should have been in it's usual place, and it had moved, because he had just shoved it back into any old gap on the shelf. Eventually the pantry became chaotic, and caused rows. We have a rule now that he never puts anything away in the pantry.

However I nearly lost him to bladder cancer a couple of years ago, and it put these little irritating things into perspective. I would rather have him around with all his annoying little ways than not have him around at all.

Now happily ensconced in bed with that 'ee, tha's bin a good day' feeling! Thanks all you Gnetters, you defused my righteous indignation before ww3 erupted in my house! Joking apart, I am heading for a serious conversation, need some ground rules if this work pattern is going to continue. That's for another day though. Goodnight ladies

Oh..my first paragraph got lost!

I did say I would have been furious too and that if I was you I might have strained out the meat/veg into another pot and continued with your broth and left your DH the watery remains! Glad you had a good meal despite interference!

I'm afraid my other half would have found himself eating watery soup whilst I dined out!!

What on earth was he thinking? Did you speak about it?

Today DH and I have refreshed the hallway,stairs, landing and kitchen with a fresh coat of paint... same colour and it was not a major hassle really. We did it rather spur of the moment and it took most of the day and I had nothing prepped for supper.. By 7:00 we were just tidying and cleaniing up when DH (not a cook) said he would go to Waitrose to grab something for supper . Good plan! As I did the final clear up I was imaginging what treat he would bring home.

He was so pleased with himself.. 2x taglitelle ready meals with tomato sauce reduced to 65p each... exactly the one meal I could have mustered up from the storecupboard! Am I an ungrateful witch???

Well done Katek, that must have been so satisfying! I don't know how you managed to keep a straight face .

The soup skirmish first, then the Beef Wellington War.But where will it all end?
My DH takes little interest in what goes on in the kitchen, but likes to re-organise my shopping lists to his own satisfaction.

It could be you have won the soup skirmish, katek. There may be other fronts on which to defend yourself though. Be prepared!

When DH retired he started cooking, he was doing an alright job so I left him to it. I obviously can't cook to his standard now so I never interfere, he is cooking dinner and I am on GN in the study

Well....my pot of soup was delicious. DH on the other hand ended up cooking himself a pork fillet in the George Forman. I kept a straight face and said nothing. Revenge is sweet! Hehehe! Thank you Elegran

luckygirl I found your post very encouraging as the same thing happened to me with my s-i-l who thought he should tell me how to cook a meal when we were all on holiday together. My DH will go so far as to take a teacloth from my hands if he doesn't feel I am drying the dishes up properly. It drives me mad.....

I would imagine everyone on here would be extremely annoyed if our other halves did that, Katek. I think Elegran's solution is absolutely perfect. In fact I think I'd be tempted to go further, and add even more water, just to be sure it really is thin and tasteless before you serve it out for him