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I've learned a valuable lesson

(129 Posts)
NanKate Fri 18-Mar-16 15:27:28

We are house and cat sitting for my DH's brother and wife. They live in a beautiful riverside house in the East Midlands. The house is gated.

We have only been here since Monday but I am going slowly more doolally at the feeling of quiet and isolation.

They have triple glazing so I can only hear my tinnitus bashing away. hmm

We have gone out and about everyday to keep me sane but I am counting the minutes, hours, days till we return to our lovely little house in a bustling small town in the Thames Valley.

If we ever have to move it is imperative that we choose somewhere to walk easily to some decent shops, a place where there are plenty of small cafés, and activities such as WI and U3A to keep me occupied.

I can't even watch my programmes that I stream on my IPad (tennis from around the world, Scandi Noir series, films etc) because they don't have unlimited Broadband.

I know I may sound very selfish, but my DH who rarely complains is also feeling trapped in this isolated paradise.

Give me a noisy High Street and plenty of passersby in exchange for just watching some bl**dy ducks on the river.

I've got cabin fever arghhhhhhhh !

Mamie Sun 20-Mar-16 07:22:49

Welshwife I also used to suffer from the "stir crazy in winter" problem in rural France. We now spend the whole of January in southern Spain. Our son lives there so we get to see our grandchildren as well. We find that we can rent at a very reasonable sum for a month and we save on heating bills at home. By the time we get back we are looking forward to the year's gardening though it isn't much fun at the moment in a freezing northerly wind.
I think that nowhere is perfect, but for the moment our rural existence suits us and the forced labour of the garden and property keeps us fit. As you will know there isn't much to spend your money on in rural France so we can foresee paying for a bit of help when it all gets a bit much. Our neighbours all seem to manage into their nineties, but obviously major health issues would have us thinking again.
We might well eventually move the 50km to the channel coast, which would make it as easy to get to our daughter's home as lots of places in England. I hop backwards and forwards for about £20 as a foot passenger; the train fares in England are much more expensive!

Maralyn7272 Sun 20-Mar-16 07:55:57

We live in a very tiny village, - blink when you're driving through and you've missed it! I wouldn't change it for the world. It's so peaceful and quiet and we all look out for each other. We don't have a shop or a pub but we've got a bus stop - but no bus service!! We get up in the morning, open our front door and find a big bag of fresh veg (and fruit in season). Our doctors surgery is two villages away but we can phone at lunchtime and still get an afternoon appointment. There's a lot to be said for living in a remote area and we just love it.

Wilks Sun 20-Mar-16 08:06:29

We decided long before I retired that we wanted to move where there were good public transport links. The problem was, I wanted a small city while Himself wanted mountains. We've had to move a long way to find this (Oviedo in Asturias) but have managed. We find we both love city life and with mountains just 10 minutes away and the North Coast 25 we have what we want. Wonderful culture, Lang Lang, NT Live etc. recently. Only trouble is having to learn Spanish as not much English is spoken here. Still, keeps the old grey cells going.

12lampton34 Sun 20-Mar-16 08:53:13

I live a few minutes from the New Forest after living near London air port yes there are times when I miss the hubble bubble but walking our dogs is heaven the Forest is so vast I agree its nice to have a car I dont drive my husband does but there are buses a few minutes away and if we cant get dogs out we have a very large garden about a acre so plenty of room for them to run about so yes I am very happy here.

micmc47 Sun 20-Mar-16 08:57:08

At various times in my life, I've lived in a hamlet, a small village, a market town, and on the edge of a large city. All interesting and very different experiences, and very much attuned to changing personal lifestyle/work arrangements. Now I'm retired, I think I've now got the ideal combination,
living here on the edge of open country, with excellent public transport links, (Newcastle town centre in 10 minutes), and many easily accessible facilities in the local area. Small villages can provide a welcome refuge from a busy working life in the city, but it's all about individual circumstances. Though I'm still driving, I don't take this for granted, and have got to that stage in life where good public transport links may well become essential. What we have now is a perfect fit. :-)

Angela1961 Sun 20-Mar-16 08:59:35

We moved from living in Essex in a .small town between Colchester and Chelmsford so very near to hassle and bustle to Cumbria 7 years ago. We rented in Cockermouth initially and looked about to buy. We looked in small villages but the thought of no street lights,shops,doctors, or bus routes made us think again. In the end we purchased on the very edge of a small town ,looking out to the countryside. We can be in the Buttermere valley in 20 or so minutes but everything we need is still here.

Izabella Sun 20-Mar-16 09:14:06

Was a city girl and townie until my late 40's. Now live in a special rural area. No roads, no noise. Bliss for both of us. There are pros and cons to each but I am content in my peaceful abode.

GrammaH Sun 20-Mar-16 09:22:20

I think it all depends on what you're used to. We live on a farm in the beautiful county of Shropshire. We are at the end of a long drive which comes off a very minor road. Our neighbours on either side are several fields away so I'm sure people would label the situation as "isolated". It is blissfully quiet, we can hear the birds sing & we get many different species to our feeders; we can see the stars at night; our son played the drums as a teenager & nobody complained, the children loved all the space as they grew up;.we see very few foxes, in contrast to an urban dwelling friend, for whom they are a big problem. Our nearest village is 10 minutes away by car, with amazing sell-all shop, post office, pub, restaurant & dr, & Sainsburys is 15 minutes. I've lived here all my married life - 35 years - and my lifestyle has adapted over the years to reflect the location - plenty of forward planning when shopping & good use of the freezer. My son moved into town, hated it & now lives in the country again with his family, as does my daughter. If I were stuck in a town with people and noises all around me, maybe I'd go a bit crazy too! No, the countryside is absolutely not over rated - if it were, why do so many townsfolk head out to it at the weekends for walking, cycling & other recreational activities, getting some peace & quiet and fresh air in their lungs? It's like borrowing a slice of something they can't have during the week. I consider myself lucky, I have it all the time but I do realise it's not going to suit everyone.

Doreen5 Sun 20-Mar-16 09:29:07

Have recently moved to the countryside on the outskirts of a lovely village in Essex. It is so peaceful, birdsong all day, owls at night and fascinating visitors to our garden. And yet, the shops and a good bus route are only a 5 minute walk away. Unlimited broadband and beautiful walks waiting to be explored. Oh, and our first grandchild is only a 5 minute walk away. Is living in the peaceful countryside over rated? Definitely not! Best thing we ever did. ?

holcott48 Sun 20-Mar-16 09:29:55

I love the peace and silence and birdsong and no crowds and black skies and no traffic sounds nor fuel smells, but just occasionally get cross about glacial broadband and iffy mobile signal. Still going to stay until too old and infirm!

Barmyoldbat Sun 20-Mar-16 09:33:25

love the hustle and bustle of our small town. Live near enough to walk to shops, Drs, library etc and we have plenty of coffee shops. Best of all we have a Waitrose and Lidles next door to each other and a bus stop opposite for the bus into the city. Yet with an hour or so I can be out in the countryside walking or cycling. Bliss

shelana Sun 20-Mar-16 09:34:28

As you get older and perhaps are left on your own it seems to me that it makes sense to be somewhere you can see people,dogs,runners etc. going by.It also makes sense to be near some shops-as it is not possible to buy everything on line.With a local church and clubs it is easier to make friends.There are times it is nice to feel a bit more solitary.Even a small back garden can bring a sense of peace and delight.I realise this is not possible or even desirable for everyone though.

Welshwife Sun 20-Mar-16 09:40:31

wot we are going to N Yorks in a couple of days to spend Easter there staying with Dd and visiting relatives. Mamie we have thought of the Spanish option but often find the winter months can be more sociable where we arewith events planned such as quizzes - we are 5-600 miles from the northern coast - I can fly back from a local airport but only in the summer. We came by car and ferry this trip.

UkeCan61 Sun 20-Mar-16 09:52:49

We live in a wee village in Scotland, no street lights, no shop, just a tiny pub 2 miles away. I love the quietness. I enjoy an away day to Glasgow (2 hours by bus) or Carlisle (40mins by train) but as soon as I hit the country road home I can feel all my muscles relax and my brain settling down.
We do have country noises like tractors and the usual lawnmowers and chainsaws sometimes but generally it's just the woodpeckers, owls and other dickie birds!
Everyone is different - city folk, townsfolk, and country folk. Wouldn't do for us all to be the same!
However my one wish would be to live by the sea :-)

K8tie Sun 20-Mar-16 09:54:05

Such an interesting thread here! I've always lived in the centre of London and aways loved it until one day I listened to this huge urge to move far out to the country and ended up in Sussex. I live on my own in a little house on the edge of a large farm and absolutely love it! My London friends cannot believe it. I am a fit, strong 66 year old and have no issues riding the ride-on tractor, stacking logs and all sorts of things I have had to learn to do on my own. These very same friends though love coming to staysmile.
I am a short drive away from little towns but relish the silence and the extensive views.
The only thing I can see changing my mind is if one day I am unable to do all the 'boy' things that I now do . . . and of course the driving which is imperative to living where I do.
Until then, I'm afraid I am one of those that absolutely love and cherish every single moment of deepest country living.

NannyVL Sun 20-Mar-16 09:58:12

moved from a busy hertfordshire village to a quiet Norfolk village 9 years ago, love the peace and quiet and the feeling of safety, we are lucky to have a village shop and the nearest big town is only 20 mins away. |The countryside is beautiful and only 1 hour to the lovely Norfolk/Suffolk coast. Only thing I miss is knowing everyone in the neighbourhood but a small price to pay.

Dianic Sun 20-Mar-16 10:40:29

We moved to the West Country 11 years ago to allow our daughter to become a child again and to have better surroundings and not watch her friends either fathering children, taking drugs or committing suicide - shocking at that age. One of their aspirations was to be like Dad when they grew up (he was in prison for dealing drugs!) as they only saw the cash rolling in at the time!

Well, it was hideously expensive, the weather was awful most of the time - we had one decent summer in 9 years!! - and the "locals" who had appeared very friendly when we were tourists, were very hostile when we actually moved there! Understandably, they wanted to protect their jobs, etc. etc. as most work was seasonal, but integrating was a proper uphill battle. By the time she was 14, our DD was bored stiff! Lack of amenities, activities and community clubs, etc.

My husband then developed throat cancer and the 100 mile round trips to hospital for appointments took a very heavy toll on us financially and emotionally - bear in mind we lived in Bude, not in the middle of nowhere! It's just the way it is down there, but it taught us a valuable lesson. I nearly lost my DH because the waiting times for appointments was longer than it is elsewhere - a very scary thought.

So, 3 years ago, we decided we'd move back to the East Midlands, and were lucky enough to have a house to rent, bought for us by a good friend (with a property portfolio), who'd also had cancer. Within 2 months of moving back, we'd chosen a good GP, seen a Consultant and DH had been operated on and fortunately the cancer wasn't malignant, so life was good again. The weather here is much more stable, the shops and other social amenities are abundant and he's not stared at wherever he goes because of the loss of half his nose to skin cancer, which he'd also been treated for at a different clinic, also 40 miles away!

This might sound a bit shallow, but he's also a wheelchair user and premises up here are mostly accessible, which was not the case in the West Country. We live on a huge Council Estate which doesn't have the best reputation, but the friendliness and community spirit is wonderful. We have each others' backs. We're not from here, but have been welcomed and are truly grateful to be back in "civilisation"!!

Every time I get "itchy feet", I remember where we lived before, what a struggle it was and count my blessings! As they say, the grass is always greener!

annifrance Sun 20-Mar-16 10:43:53

Who said anything about peace and silence of the countryside?! I am sitting here in deepest rural France profonde and I can hear a strimmer, chainsaw, cows, hens, lots of birds, dogs barking, tractors ploughing. During the hunting season there are the sounds of shotguns, and in the Autumn the stags are incredibly vociferous!

And I love it. It's the towns I find overrated. I hate the parked cars, walking on hard pavements and crowds. I admit I do miss London it being the hub of artistic creativity at the moment. And I love city breaks to explore the art, architecture and cafes. the later rarely happens as it is difficult to get OH to leave the valley he loves it here so much. and then I am safe in the knowledge than I will be returning to this rural heaven.

pollyperkins Sun 20-Mar-16 11:17:58

Maryn7272 sounds just like my village! Are you in the east midlands?

pollyperkins Sun 20-Mar-16 11:23:48

I meant maralyn7272

TriciaF Sun 20-Mar-16 11:36:08

We're in rural France too and it's beautiful, but sometimes too quiet for me. Husband loves it, he's a bit of a hermit, but I often miss people, so that's why I spend so much time on forums. I have friends in the village and see one close friend nearly every day.
Living here we're very dependent on the car, no public transport, so hoping I'm fit to drive for some time yet.
Going back "home" is always a culture shock, especially the busy roads and all the vehicles. Husband hasn't been back for years.

Sam65 Sun 20-Mar-16 11:47:34

We have peace and quiet which we love but we are not on a bus route but because we are close to a town we can call on taxis if need be. At the moment we can drive so have a car but as I am not a shopaholic not too bothered about getting to them. We use the Internet a lot and this is one thing that can be a problem in rural situations so anyone wanting to live in an isolated position should check that out. We do have neighbours in our hamlet and family 20 mins away but we are content to be on our own. Plenty to do in the garden and lots going on locally if you want it. We once house sat to look after Mother but because it was NOT our house we did feel stuck so maybe it is not the locality but the situation to doing your own stuff you would do at home.

jenwren Sun 20-Mar-16 11:55:49

Awww NanKate

Love the fact you are a 'proud' Brummie. Not many of us about. In the year 2000 we moved to a village just outside Lichfield. It lasted nineteen months. I was fifty then and children had flown the nest. I worked full time and found ten hours of the working week was spent on the A38. Locals weren't friendly, I put it down to the Brummie accent, as one lady said 'I would not dream of going to Birmingham' I asked her where she was from originally she replied London mmm. Anyway we came back and now retired I have moved to a retirement apartment with everything I need on my doorstep. I am a member of three U3A groups and life as never been better. I can now drive through these 'chocolate box' villages without the thought of 'wishing to live there' Yes you can take the dog out of the kennel but not the kennel out of the dog' from One Proud Brummie.

HannahLoisLuke Sun 20-Mar-16 11:57:14

As a farmers daughter I've spent my whole life in the country. After marrying we still lived in the country though this time a village. No shop, school or village hall but a tiny church. The village was very sociable, mostly townies except for a few old folk and the farmers.
I always loved it but the inconvenience was a bit of a bind.

Then my husband and I split up after 25 years and I moved to the nearby town and absolutely love it. I'm in a quiet backwater but a five minute stroll to all the shops and cafes.

The country isn't that quiet anyway. Apart from the sound of animals there's always a tractor in a nearby field. I do miss hearing owls at night but not much else.

My nightmare would be suburbia.

cc Sun 20-Mar-16 12:30:16

My mother was brought up in the country and always said she would never move back. For many years my husband and I both worked in the city, but we've now retired and moved from a grubby, frantic place (London) to a quieter, cleaner place (Bath) and love it - we'd never dream of moving away from walking distance of a town.

Most of us know people who've chosen to live in the country for one reason or another, but you do need more help and support there when you get older, particularly when you give up driving. I know that some love the country life, but I suspect that many are simply not in a position to move back to urban living or live with partners who do not want to change. Also many cannot afford a move.

Personally I think that living in the country is a lovely dream - the larger garden, the cottage, the views, the people who live there - but in reality I'd swap all of these for being in walking distance of shops for food, milk and newspapers, preferably in a town with other attractions too.

Some years ago it was popular to move to the south coast for retirement, but ghettos of elderly home-owners are not a very attractive proposition either. For many years we've spent time in a seaside village in the country and have learnt from experience that locals are not always welcoming and that the seaside is not so pleasant on a cold February day. I suspect that this is just as true in the countryside.