A good death

it's not a secret that I lost my 24 year old son a while a go. I think he died the perfect death in that he was rehearsing with his band in rehearsal studios in Soho. He was the singer and was a bit like Freddie Mercury on stage, giving it his all and very dramatic with it and on this night they had just come to the end of a track and when, with a dramatic flourish, he fell to the floor. The others thought it was part of the rehearsal so it took a few minutes for them to realise he'd died. They were stunned, of course, but I can't help thinking that it was the absolutely perfect way for my lad to go...

I don't know if my husband knew he was dying, as for a few months before he died his hands started to shake and he did have sever pains in his chest.

But I feel I would like to go like he did, which was in his bed, after having been up very early in the morning. So I was not able to say goodbye as he seemed better when he went downstairs very early.

How interesting that we nearly all want to go quietly, pain free and in our sleep. Yet I wonder how often that is achieved? Most people I know who have died have had horrible, lingering, painful end of life experiences.

My father in law was an exception, he was in his late 80s and doing what he liked most - going for a walk down to the betting shop to place a small bet. He had a heart attack and, according to the paramedics, would have been dead before he hit the ground. Not a bad way to go.

It bloody would in me, Pompa!!

a good death for me would be another thirty years to 103 so I can see my grandchildren grow up and enjoy them for many more years. They are all under 8.

I just hope against hope that I keep all my marbles and my continence so that I'm not a burden or nuisance to my loved ones.I'd hate for people to say it was a blessing that I had died. My mother lingered for 5 years in a nursing home, blind, deaf, semi-paralysed, incontinent and senile. You couldn't call it life--it was awful for her and all the family. On the other hand, my dear friend died in a hospice, fully aware and pain free,having summoned all her close friends to say goodbye--- her last words to me were " Goodbye, love, I'll see you soon".

I agree with euthanasia under certain circumstances eg when life has become unbearable through pain, paralysis Etc and if the condition is. incurable and progressive. I think it's really cruel to keep people alive against their will. But it has to be their choice and more than one doctor to agree.

My grandfather died in his sleep which was lovely for him but awful for my grandma. My mother died suddenly of a heart attack whilst driving her car on her own. Again quick and merciful for her but a huge shock to us all.

I also know someone who had his tea and was sitting in his favourite armchair with a drink watching a comedian on TV with his wife, and literally died laughing. Not a bad way to go! Can't remember which comedian.

I sometimes think, having had a lot of health problems, when I'm feeling unwell "I can't die now, it would be such a bad time for my daughters." Utterly ridiculous, of course, because no time is going to be that great for them. Conversely, I am with other posters who would prefer sudden and unaware. Like Woody Allen, I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Friend's father died one beautiful July day after working in their lovely garden all afternoon with his wife .He went upstairs to lie down, feeling a bit 'off'.She called Dr Docter came and went saying he'd probably just overdone it a bit . She went upstairs with a cup of tea after seeing Dr out and he'd gone .Massive heart atack .He was 83.That would be my choice .
Awful shock for everyone else though ...

I'm not afraid of death but more of what comes before it. My mum suffering for years with dementia was bad enough but the spells in hospital where other elderly patients were calling out 'please help me' or calling for people that didn't come was horrendous. I know I would rather go earlier, peacefully in my sleep, than live a few years longer in pain or torment.

radicalnan - just for clarity I perhaps should say that the lady who died was someone I had known for more than 14 years and I was asked to pray for her in my role as a chaplain. She had a very strong Christian faith, so for her the prayers were an appropriate response.

Not so much about how I die, which I would like, most others here hope to be peaceful and without pain, but how my lovely OH, daughter and son would feel about it. I would not like them to be terribly sad, or grieve too long about it.

Just hope I out live my dog. I would hate to think that I died in the house and she was left alone with no food or water before anyone realised that something was wrong.

I'm another lover of thunderstorms. Oh, his I miss the African ones. They are very dramatic and clear the air.

So I agree with Rosina.

I've told this tale on here before (I think), but in SA some years ago a wealthy businessman who was very "green"; when he learnt he had terminal cancer, took his own life in a remote spot on his farm - where for months previously he had been establishing a "vultures' restaurant".

"How" not "his" in my first para!

All innocence and curiosity, GS1 asked me if I would wait for him when I die. It seems his other GPs have said they will wait for him. Of course, I said I would, but couldn't help thinking this was a bit spooky. I do hope he isn't dwelling on such things....

mollie how sad for you xx

Grannyactivist, I'm worried about that choir.

I do not think I will know what my idea of a good death is until I know it is in sight.

I do not think I will know what my idea of a good death is until I know it is in sight.

mollie what a shock that must have been. How comforting a thought that you feel he was happy.

Durhamjen I was also thinking about what effect GAs mother in laws demise with her baton in hand would do to the choir and audience.

I know what she meant though.

My perfect death would be in about 40 years time :-)

Being of sound mind still, clutching my telegram from the King in one hand and a Frys Turkish delight in the other. Old dog at my feet, stunning sunset out the window.

yup....I'll hang on till then I think !!