Depression and Anxiety

VQ, I would totally agree with your first paragraph, it is me to a tee. But under normal circumstances I can and do socialise in RL but retreat into a shell when I am low.
The dementors in Harry Potter disturb me, as this is how I feel depression overcomes me, suck the happiness out.
As I have got older, I am better able to understand the triggers and return to normal in a few days or occasionally weeks.

Depression is an insidious illness which turns me into my own worst enemy. I feel worthless and undeserving. I blame myself for being weak. And, worst of all, at the very time I need help I isolate myself.

I have levels of depression which I measure by how able I am to socialise. I never socialise in the real world, (that's my normal), but generally manage online. When I'm really bad I don't even do that.

I'm seventy-five and I've had recurrent periods of depression since the menopause in my fifties, so about twenty years. It's been every year for the past three years and at the moment it has lasted since January, with a brief respite in April.

I'm beginning to feel desperate and thrashing around for solutions. The NHS offers a short course of CBT and at the moment I'm paying for private counselling, though at £45 a session I won't be able to continue with it for too long. Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that, although there may be triggers, it is endogenous problem.

I try so hard to keep up with my normal activities but the effort is draining. I feel better at night, but that is clouded by the fact that I know I'll wake up feeling dreadful again.

My main symptom is a feeling of 'butterflies' on the pit of my stomach which never goes away and which seems to lead to an inability to make decisions and cope with the ordinary everyday tasks, though I do try to achieve something every day.

I've got wonderful support from my poor husband and hate burdening him with such a drag of a wife. I don't tell many people, It's not that I'm ashamed, it's just that there really isn't anything that anyone can do much as they would like to, and if people don't know it means that I have to 'act', which stops me from giving in to the desire to give in totally.

I think depression affects everything, and because my symptoms are 'physical, I can't get away from it even when to an outsider, I'm acting normally.

MIND offer some courses which have been helpful, but everything they offer is time limited as they are a charity.

As anyone with depression knows, no-one in their right minds would want to feel like this. Just trying to get through to a time when I'll feel like myself again.

Post surgery depression is very common. They pump you full of powerful drugs that can take many days/weeks to clear your system.

I don't suffer from clinical depression but I get heartily sick of myself for constantly worrying, always looking at things in a negative way and being a terrible hypochondriac. Sad news items wear me down so much that I do, now, try to avoid them. When I was away the other week, no phone, no internet and very busy decorating and painting furniture I felt like a different person, as if all the things I worried about where hundreds of miles away and couldn't affect me. Soon as I got home all the worries came back [thinking about that character with the black cloud that used to be in a cartoon strip]. I had a friend who suffered from post surgery depression after a heart operation; it totally took him by surprise but is thankfully on the mend in both ways now.

Churchill's black dog. He's hovering in the background at the moment.
I hate Winter as well. I'm a sun worshipper and if I can't sit in the sun I get depressed. I can't do any physical activity but just sitting in the sunshine cheers me up. ( my excuse for cruising)

Sorry to hear you have had a bad patch pompa - I know how the sheer lack of control is so debilitating - the sinking black cloud descends and it seems to have a mind of its own. I always say that it feels as though some vital life force has suddenly been switched off; some necessary hormone, chemical or whatever has stopped functioning. I have had a bad few days, but know that this has been triggered by stress about other health issues.

Incidentally you might be interested in the idea of post surgical depression, which I have been researching, as mine came from nowhere after my hip op. I know that you had a plummet after your knee op.

Pollyparrot. In light of your comments, perhaps world events do affect me, if they trigger something in me that is personal.

I'm just coming out of a black phase (which is why I have been quiet for a few months). Winter is always a bad time, not because of SAD but more a lack of activity as there is little to do in the garden etc.

I steer clear of TV programs that I know would play on my mind, especially violence, cruelty etc. Much prefer happy things, Mrs Brown is top of my feel good list.

Is it any wonder depressions on the increase,could it possibly have anything to do with the way people live today,flitting from one partner to another,families that are not really related(his kids from a previous relationship,her kids from a previous relationship) all put together and expected to get on,as I've said,anything goes today,there's bound to be problems,it's only the tip of the iceberg.

pollyparrot, I think it affects people too.
Personally I use the off switch when it all gets too much. I think we cannot help others as much when we are struggling ourselves, so we have to take care to help ourselves in order that we can help others.

My sympathy and good wishes to all who are experiencing this debilitating and often misunderstood condition.

I am also concerned at the number of young adults with mental health issues. I was sure all my older GC were coping until it became clear that this wasn't the case.

So sorry for you all with depression. I am depressed and that is different. My situation could change and I would be better. Those of you with depression can be affected at anytime.
I think that is why people who do not understand think you should "pull yourselves together" and "snap out of it". They do not know there is a difference.

We've have mental illness in our family. One family member has been treated for acute anxiety. Treatment was with medication and CBT and it was a long process. The illness was undoubtedly triggered following events reported in the news concerning child abductions and child abuse.

Mine is clinical depression. It is not sad things that trigger it, rather things that are out of my control, and usually things that others would not understand or consider important.

Your right Luckygirl and with the change in weather I'm hoping to stop it getting a hold

A little (((hug))) annsixty

I know comparing ourselves to others in a far far worse position makes guilt and that's the one of worse things about depression and it stops us seeking treatment. It's shitty awful isn't it.

This awful tragedy happened just a few miles away from me, annsixty. It's impossible to imagine what the little boys' parents are going through.
When a piece of news like this appears, we identity with it quickly - more so than an air accident or a natural disaster where many lose their lives. Dunblane's anniversary has stirred up such sadness for everyone this weekend, too.
I don't think I have depression as such, but I do dwell on things and that can make me anxious.
annsixty, I hope things improve a bit for you and that your pain can be managed. It's not been easy for you.

Depression is not a choice, and you have no reason to be ashamed. When you are depressed it does not help to compare your lot with others. Take care of yourself - you are important too.

I have just read on Google news about the 2year old twin boys, born by IVF who have drowned in a large fish tank. How can I ever be so selfish as to say I am depressed?
I feel ashamed I must count my MANY blessings.

You have good reason to feel sorry for yourself annsixty - I know what a challenge your life is.

It is not wrong to recognise that there are many global wrongs about which we can do nothing - we can feel sad about what is happening, at the same time as knowing we are helpless. Sometimes we have to concentrate on what is in front of us, and let the rest wash by - it is about survival. Feeling bad about this does not add to the sum of human happiness. It is not apathy - it is being human and realistic.

Everything feels much worse when you are in pain - I hope that you can get some proper pain relief. Are you getting some proper support to help you with the care of your husband?

You posted while I was typing LuckygirlI am not even able to go out for a walk I am in such pain.

I am feeling very depressed at the moment and like others can't watch the news or
read the papers. Terrible as it sounds I just think "so what" or " well I can't help" and I hate myself for it because I know it is so wrong.
My eyes are troubling me,,I am dealing with either severe arthritis or sciatica and my H is getting worse at rrememberingy anything that happened 5 minutes ago and making sense of the world. Yes I am feeling sorry for myself I admit it.
Detachment and apathy sum it up perfectly morethan2

I am sorry to hear that morethan2 - I find that going out for a walk helps to kick that feeling when it starts to come on. It sounds trite I know, but it works for me - enough to start me in the right direction when things are not good. I do hope that the feeling will lift for you. It is a trial I know. I am sending you lots of good wishes.

I've been depressed twice. Both reactive. i think I'm getting it again. you know that feeling of detachment and apathy that washes over you now and again. I'm hoping because it's nearly Spring it will go. Fingers crossed