Not O.C.D., but.........

Looks like we all our our comforting little ways to reduce anxiety.
I check the back door is locked in the evenings about three times but strangely hardly bother about the front door!Went out one evening last Autumn, and when we came home, the door stood wide open....had we been burgled? Great consternation all round until we discovered that no, in fact I had gone out of the door and just left it open.Never mind unlocked!
I have a friend who has to check her car when she leaves it over and over again, and another who can't bear anything out of place, but nothing to either worry or bother any of us.

Paper. I like blank sheets of paper. I know it's a waste, but if I have to write a list I can't do it on a piece of paper that's already been scribbled on. Fortunately, I have a lot of grandchildren and childminded children who don't mind using my discarded bits and pieces for their own masterpieces.

We do check things carefully now because we went away once and left the back door unlocked; DH spent an unhappy holiday years ago because he forgot to turn the gas and electricity off (yes, I had to empty the fridge and freezer every time before we went away).
However, we never turn off the gas and electricity now.

I was mortified when he came across a home advice programme on tv which said you should mix up the cutlery otherwise they're likely to stick together!
I try never to put spoons, knives or forks together so that they wash properly. And never cross knives!!

I heard about a woman with real OCD who spent all her waking hours cleaning. If disturbed at any point she had to start all over again.
She had a young son who was removed by social services because she was unable to give him any care. I wonder how long he'd endured this hellish life, poor child.

Yes, Teacher11, I agree that teachers 'have to be organised to a minute and forensic degree', especially with a class of five-year olds, which was my experience.
I would also have gained much pleasure from your kitchen in the sun...everything shiny and cared for.
Isn't it great when you 'meet' a soulmate?

Oh dear! My OCD is that I have to match up the sets of mugs after they've been washed in the dishwasher. I used to argue with OH that putting all the knives, forks and spoons in their own section of the dishwasher cutlery basket separate from each other as you could get take each section out to put away in the cutlery drawer. I was mortified when he came across a home advice programme on tv which said you should mix up the cutlery otherwise they're likely to stick together!

Teacher11, I can understand that , I am happy for you that you had such pleasure and comfort in your kitchen this morning, may you have many more , Spring is on the way X

To tubbygran, I was a teacher but took early retirement four years ago due to burnout and stress and have never felt better.

I think that OCD tendencies (I would never say full blown OCD as I know that this is a serious and debilitating condition of which I would never be dismissive) are part of a teacher's makeup. Well, female teachers anyway! We have to be organised to a minute and forensic degree. Rituals and habits become ingrained within a school year which is also minutely circumscribed by weeks, terms, half terms and the exam season.

Anniebach, yes, mild OCD symptoms can be a comfort! I just went into my kitchen to see the spring sun shining in on clean, gleaming, neat surfaces and a vase of daffodils blazing merrily on the side, all accompanied by birdsong from the garden. Top!

I have to check the handle of the front door 3 times after I've locked it then when I've put my things in the car I have to go back and try the handle once more and then I'm satisfied it's ok.

When I go away for the weekend/holiday I make a list and as I check things are locked/turned off etc I tick the item on the list I take the list into the car with me and tick the front door as the last thing then If I worry I haven't done anything when I'm away I have the list to look at to reassure myself. I have been known to ask my friend to go check my house before I started to do this as it's made me really anxious. I also check all the kitchen stuff is off and back and front doors are locked before I go to bed even if I've checked them in the evening and nothing has changed.

However I don't care at all if things are in order in the house, whether things are straight, or matching

OCD whether mild or severe is a safety behaviour caused by irrational fear. We are all anxious about something some more then others, for some it is manageable for others it controls their lives.

I love these comments, having arrived when there are now 5 pages to read before I comment.

I used to have so much time and energy and had many similar stories to share as I focused on my home and making it the best I could but...I became a single mum then a student then I became sick and nearly didn't make it. So in a nutshell, suddenly I had no time or energy, I had to accept things "as is" and now I am almost a lazy so and so.

But anyhow I have to say that I'm happier than ever before because I can relax whether it's messy or tidy. I wish I had learned to relax with a messy house when I was young because this is something we need to teach our kids - the difference between what is important and what isn't.

I spent way too much time cleaning when I should have been recreating with my family, all grown up now and moved away.

Btw, for those who repeat something, I have found a "solution" - it is an exercise called "rehearsing" in psychology text books. What you do is SAY ALOUD if you are locking the door, or shutting off the coffee maker, or the oven, etc. Anything that is really critical to remember to do where you find that you repeat over and over, instead, to ensure it's done please try to SAY ALOUD whatever it is you want to do: "door is locked", "bill is paid", or whatever. Saying it aloud is hearing your voice, which alerts the brain to remember, much better than just thinking in your head that you did the action or that you saw yourself do it. This really helps. Saying aloud anything that you want to remember is so easy to do and you will probably not need to repeat checking any more.

True Angharad, I look forward to the time when people will feel free to say - I have panic attacks, depression, anxiety, OCD, depression etc just as they would say - I have arthritis , a heavy cold, stomach ulcer etc.

Anxiety, in its many forms results in us trying to make order out of chaos. For some people it's arranging clothes pegs, for others it's the inability to get out of the house because they are held hostage by demanding rituals.
We all have anxieties; as a psychiatrist colleague of mine says, if you have no anxiety, you're probably dead.

Christingle, please don't be alarmed , I said in my first post on this thread that most people have , there are worse things to relieve stress, hitting the wine bottle is one.

Thank you

Anniebach your post is really interesting to me. I've never considered that I have a mild form of ocd but things you mention are so true for me. I feel relief and contentment once I've done all my cleaning and tidying up, I can't have anything not in the right place. I even do this if I'm very late home, unwell or short of time. If I dont I can't settle and feel very anxious. If the house is a mess because the Grandchildren are here after a while I get very stressed waiting to clean up. I do manage it, but it's made me think reading your post if I do actually have a mild form of ocd. Thank you.

Thank you Teacher11, yes I do understand it , I have OCD, it doesn't make me unhappy because I don't have a severe form, I think it is rather like a comfort blanket - again not speaking of severe OCD, it slots into my daily life and I don't intend to take on the battle to overcome it, it doesn't affect anyone , no one knows, and i suppose it eases stress and tension. Enough of that in life so why add to it. I help run a mental health drop in centre we open 365 days in the year, some of our visitors struggle with it , quite severe too.

I spoke out about it because I feel strongly about the stigma still attached to mental health illnesses and problems, one word we do not use at the centre is 'normal' so call it a quirk, a habit what ever, if one feels compelled to do something and feels relief after or decides not to do it and feels so stressed it is OCD. What is important is anyone with a quirk/habit which causes them distress , affects daily life or causes upset in a family do get help, it can be overcome. My niece had it quite severely, it took quite some time but she is now free of it.

I have many of these quirks. Cloth nappies forty years ago had to have white pegs,laddered tights are tied in a knot,counters clear before I can think about cooking ,towels just so ,tea towels ditto but they are not definitely not OCD. It's an overused expression these days to denote finicky people.

Teacher11 Just wondering if you are a teacher? I am and I can associate with all you have said.

I have really enjoyed reading the posts today. It always makes you feel better when you realise you are not alone with your quirks!

We have a young friend with OCD and it restricts his life immensely.
Wanting things straight and tidy and in order is not OCD.

I am too tired to do any of the above.

Reading these posts, I do think it is the "unless you have experienced this you cannot understand" topic.
Myself I have habits peculiar to me. I cannot say they seriously affect my life.
I do have a close relative who suffers from OCD. It completely controls their life. They don't wish for it and want to understand it because their life is miserable, and so restricted due to this.
It certainly isn't concern about the same colour pegs or keeping items organised, checking door locks or cooker turned off. It is the inability to live a 'normal' life.
To any here who suffer from OCD, you have my utmost sympathies.

I have to have everything tidy and minimal and have nothing on show that is either white or cream, including carpets. I am not ocd, which is actually quite a serious condition to have, but probably boarderline and certainly anal! I just can't stand clutter or mess it disturbes me greatly. I do like being tidy, and don't mind others mess in their houses, but no way could I live in it.

Well said Bubbe.

My husband once asked my best friend where she did the cooking because it obviously wasn't in the kitchen, it being just like an unused showroom.

We were looking at a house to buy and it was absolutely spotless, showroom condition. My OH asked if she ever cooked and the owner said 'of course'. Then OH, to my great embarrassment lifted up the centre of the gas ring and said 'no you don't, there are no burn marks'. I really think that she was worried about making a mess and only had take outs or went to her sister's.