Ageist 'compliments'

NOBODY calls me dear ( unless they're talking about what it would cost to keep me!)

I love being called ma'am in America , and if done by a nice man in jeans, boots and a cowboy hat all the better.

I live in a part of the country where people do call you 'love' , I don't mind.

I even say 'ah bless' on occasion , and I don't even mind if you dislike it .

I don't respond to 'oi you' but pretty much anything else is fine. As my grandad used to say 'call me anything you like as long as you don't call me late for dinner' .

Life's too short for names to irritate me.

I don't mind what youngsters call me, just as long as they listen. I hate it when you can see their minds wandering, thinking "what is this old biddie talking about".

I have every sympathy for you pambo, but you have to be realistic.

I hope your treatment goes well.

Should we shut down all lighthearted threads on GN because there is sadness in the world? Maybe we should do that, for the sake of the poor souls on the German trains, and those in the tower block of flats brought down by he earthquake.

As Pambo said let's get this into perspective!

It is all about intention, people can call me Ms Pen in a patronising way! it's not what you say..it's the way you say it!!

If the intention is to be friendly and kind don't behave like a miserable old fart and take offence when none is intended. Save your ire for the real un-kindnesses that are in the world.

pambo99 That is totally unfair. And you must know it.

pambo99 apologies. It's easy to forget that people like you wish such trivia was all you had to worry about. Wishing you all the best for your ongoing treatment

pambo99 Thank you for putting this into perspective.
Best wishes from me too

I think we are all interested in other people's age. Look in any news article and the person's age is always given whether it's relevant or not. Everyone wants to know how old someone is and some people just come right out and ask. I can't help feeling that's rude. People do it so they can slot you into a convenient box. If you don't fit their idea of how someone of your age should behave or what they should look like, they may express astonishment and begin patronising you unless you look considerably older than you are! Most people would draw the line at commenting about how ancient you look, thank goodness! I don't think people always realise they're being patronising but, 50 or 60 years ago, we were brought up not to make personal remarks. There's a fine line between a compliment and a personal remark. I'm 63 (64 on Friday, the only birthday I'm not responsible for remembering to get cards and presents for )

Markmark1 I've just seen your earlier comment. If you don't like sarcasm then it might be a good idea not to describe those who have a different view from your own as "sad little things".

Definitely lol

pambo99, you have a point. I don't think people mean to be patronising and I must say if someone told me I don't look 75, I wouldn't mind, although I might suggest a visit to an optician. . I know you have far more important things on your mind and wish you well with your ongoing treatment.

I've complained about the 'you dont look whatever' thing for years. I feel like apologising. "Oh, sorry, what should I look like?' We all know how gloriously diverse older people are so there is no standard look for 75 or whatever - thank heavens! As someone else has already said it just shows what an erroneous stereotype the person has of a particular age. We are what we are and vive la difference!
...and if I can add - when someone calls themselves '75 years young' it's even worse!

Here I'm called Madame
In America I'm called ma'am ... or doll when in the local diner ..... or a straightforward howyadoin'.

I don't mind any of it in the slightest. Vive la difference and all that.

pambo99 There is certainly nothing like illness to concentrate the mind on what really matters. I do hope your treatment is going well and you are coping with the side effects.

I don't get out very much and I am always pleased when someone addresses me kindly and gives me a helping hand. I don't really care what I am called so long as nobody sneers at me because it is possible that folk just don't know what to call you when they just want to be kind.

This is a very different age we now live in where so many people are sadly cross with one another.

I am sat here in hospital having my monthly treatment for metastatc breast cancer and reading all the moans about how you are addressed. Please just be grateful you are able to get out and about and that anyone even wants to communicate with you. "Young woman/man" is a friendly figure of speech. You all must be short of something big to moan about.

In Germany I am always called Frau B. where as my daughters would be addressed in the familiar form. I don't mind that at all. After all I am older than they are. What I find annoying is being treated as if I was a kindergarten child and my answer when I'm dealing with young Computer people is to tell them I was surfing on the internet in the last century (1998). That shuts them up.

It depends on the context. I play in a string group which, because we rehearse on a weekday afternoon mainly consists of elderly, retired people. Some are much older then me - in their 80s or even 90s. When i pass some of the old men a cup of tea in the break some say 'thank you young lady' with a twinkle in their eye and I quite like it as I am one of the younger ones at 71! Some of them cant walk without sticks/zimmer frame and i feel quite sprightly! But people my age or younger who say it are quite annoying as its obviously false flattery.

harrigran

indinana you're right about the waitress' dilemma of how to address customers.
At one time it was simple - customers were always sir or madam.
Presumably that would now be considered elitist, though it's common to be addressed as sir or ma'am in the US.
I quite like being called madam.

Up north, where I live, terms of endearment are used frequently in shops and so on. Pet, sweetheart, darling is common in our Morrison's. Be on your guard though, if you are a male, and someone calls you "bonny lad" because it is usually a forerunner to an altercation as in " did you just spill my pint ? bonny lad"

It's annoying that people don't have fresh water, that government's don't listen to their people, that are wars driving people from their own country. A flippant comment annoying? Get real lol

Very few of the examples given particularly bother me. I agree the '75 years young' one is patronising (unless talking about yourself ). I noticed a comment about someone's DH being addressed as 'babe' by a waitress. Yes, that is probably inappropriate, though not offensive, just rather amusing.
But I found myself thinking, if I were a waitress and I couldn't address my customers as 'dear' or 'young lady/man' in case it was patronising, and I couldn't say 'babe' because it was inappropriate, and I couldn't say 'love' or 'pet' or 'sweetheart' in case they found it offensive, then I might feel as if I were suppressing my natural friendly approach, which would in turn prevent my engaging with the customers in any 'real' way.
We all tend to hate the kind of scripted conversations common with faceless call centres, and I fear that if this so called 'ageist language' is promoted as offensive and people we meet in bars, restaurants, cafes, shops etc. are trained not to use it, our lives will just become even more sterile and sanitised.

I detest the "Ah bless" thing whoever it refers to. I think it's lazy and irritating.