Don't touch me.

Funnily enough I was talking about this very subject with the offspring last weekend. We are not a touchy huggy family at all and yet our love for each other is solid and very supportive. Demonstrative love is not necessarily greater or better we decided.

I grew up in a tactile family. My granny loved to have us comb her hair which was soft, silver and really curly; my mum liked to have her feet massaged. So do I - a pedicure is a wonderful treat. I live away from my family and I so love having a hug with DSs and GC. Miss it badly when I come home from a visit to them.

granjura me too! And most of my friends are huggy fortunately.

When my friend's DH died she wept bitterly that she had no one to hug her anymore so I always make a point of giving her a good hug whenever I see her. She tells me I am a really good hugger so I guess I have got it right.

My DGM couldn't bear to be touched for some reason and her DS, my DF, just didn't know how but really wanted to be hugged and was extremely awkward about it, poor man. I often wondered if there was a connection and I guess there was. Just one of those things and we are all different.

GJ my DGDs are being brought up in the same home but have different responses to hugging and kissing... one being quite reserved and the other is demonstrative! My own DDs were like that too..DD1 would hug on her terms only when she decided. DD2 on the other hand was happy to cuddle and snuggle at every opportunity!

I think it depends very much on how and where you grew up. I love touching and being touched, receiving and gving massages. Our daughters are 42 and 40, but they still love me touching their hair, stroking their back and lower legs and feet- as well as shiatsu and reflexology. Touch is a wonderful thing to share.

And hugging and kissing is very natural with friends, none of that 'mwah mwah' à la Patsi.

It is interesting how we are all different. I see it already in my DGC (age range 3-10) DGD2 has always been physically affectionate and sought out extra cuddles. She always hugs & kisses before leaving and shouts 'love you'. The others enjoy cuddles & contact but are less demonstrative and will clamber into the car shouting goodbye but don't always kiss or hug. My DDs & I do not kiss /hug except on special occasions and certainly not every time we meet or depart! But then we see each other a lot! I am not a natural social kisser/hugger...I blame boarding school! However I do have some friends where it feels spontaneous and natural ,others it would not!

First time I had a massage was at a David Lloyd spa. A friend I had some sort of discount offer and went along...I guess I was about 40. We waited for the therapist/masseurs to call us in to the treatment room and had spent the time laughing & joking as we saw different people who might be the therapist. When her person came it was a woman about our age and then my masseur arrived.. a well toned , good looking very young French guy. I have never been so tense in all my life!!

It's ok to ask annodomini the answer is I don't cope well at all. Lucky enough I have a fabulous G.P who understands.My dentist is very stern so I revert to 'child' and do as I'm told. But I'm outta that chair like a bullet out of a gun. My sister is much worse than me. She positively freezes at any attempt to touch her. She's lovely though.

I don't object in the slightest to being touched. I love having my hair done and massages. I'm perfectly happy to be hugged by my huggy friends.

On the other hand, I do have some friends who don't like it and I wouldn't dream of inflicting a hug on them. It's all down to personal preferences and respecting other peoples' wishes, isn't it?

Agree, Petra

I do massages and everyone loves them but Im not too keen on being hugged or kissed by other people. Its like, my massage therapies are professional and hugs and kisses are not. I would never hug./kiss anyone I was doing a therapy on.
Ha ha I do reflexology but would never kiss toes yuk

Massage doesn't just relax you. Bad 'stuff' stays in your muscules when you are stressed. Regular massage releases this from your body.

I can hug children and peck people I know on the cheek.
Not at all comfortable having my hair touched by others. Wouldn't consider a massage, I would find it unpleasant.

I can't help wondering: if you can't bear being touched, how do you cope with the dentist? or doctors? I'm not being facetious - just puzzled. I had a lovely hot stones massage as a Christmas present one year and keep hoping it might happen again!

I get irritated by the kissy kissy on both cheeks.....I find it a bit pretentious.

Predictive text on iPad is annoying isn't it? I have to really check things or goodness knows what it would print.

Sorry it the auto correct thingy and a pretty shitty stressful day at work

roses I thought the OP meant spar as in boxing!! My mind was boggling a bit there.

I'm ok with "professional" touching-love it in fact- but I absolutely HATE social hugginess. I've never been tactile with anyone really-not even dd-and my family were too stern for that kind of thing.

Social tactility (is that even a word?) between adults must be a recent thing? It certainly wasn't around when I was a nipper (although random adults were far more tactile around kids than they are now, it seems).

You do not have to have a massage or any treatments when you go to spa, at least not at any of the ones I have been to. All the spas I have been to are centred round a swimming pool, jacuzzi, sauna, steam room and a whole lot of other water features that provide more than a day's activities without going near the treatment centre. As a family who love swimming and any associated activities it provides a day of rest and relaxation and, usually, a very nice lunch.

I was introduced to spa days by GN, I won a mother and daughter day at a spa near Newark. The prize included a massage so I had it and there was nothing unpleasant about it, but not enough going for it to want pay to have one again. However I have been back to the spa several times since and also to several others nearer home.

Oh a spa! Thought you meant Spar supermarket.
I don't mind a bit of social kissing and hugging, everyone does it nowadays.

I'm okay with hugs. Like massage as it makes me feel relaxed. Only actually kiss close family.

DDs and DSIL would go to a spa for fun but it doesn't appeal to me AT ALL, so I get to look after the DGC

I cut my own hair for the same reason !

Gosh , I thought that I was the only one that couldn't do touching !
I cuddle my grandbabies but can't hug grown ups ! I recoil as if I've been stung !
Dating's a nightmare ! Hand holding feels ok , though .

I do know what you mean about all the social hugging and kissing, but I love my massages. I'm lucky in that my Daughter is a Indian head massage therapist. I have one of those every week and a full body once a month.

I'm trying to reintroduce shaking hands. I tell people I never kiss my real friends and only relatives if I have to
I have had a sports massage_ painful but worth it.