Thoughtful Posting

Exactly loopylou.

Perhaps it's about time I rested mine too. This is the first time |I ever read the first post of my day that has made me want to de-register.

It's so easy to add "my dear" and then stand back and await incoming.

This should have been put under Site Stuff.

Teacher might have read it then.

I rest my case.
QED.
?

There you are loopylou. You obviously hate my way of posting.

That was the most pompous OP I have ever read on this site btw.

I also got called "my dear" on another thread. I felt just the pat on the head was missing and how very patronising it was.

Banter is cool

Oh grow a pair. Or try Grannynet.

I've been on GN for a couple of years and I too hate the 'Grow a thicker skin' comments or downright snide comments that I and others have received. There are circumstances when I leave a thread because certain posters are nothing short of unpleasant and seem unable to accept that some of us may be in need of a bit of empathy rather than abuse.

I was always told that if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything. This doesn't stifle lively debate but shows respect for others' views, which of course may be opposite to those I hold.

Oh, sorry that was meant to be humour! Boom boom!

Can I point out how you are using 'belittling' phrases yourself.

Blimey, what patronising comments from someone advocating niceness.

How very rude you are...I thought this thread was about being polite?

Anya Poor attempt, must try harder, my dear.

pollyparrot - that was an attempt at humour. Something sadly lacking in certain posts (not talking about this thread necessarily) but it just goes to show how posts can be misunderstood especially when phrases like 'my dear' are added into the equation.

I think this forum is very polite, almost bordering on the 'genteel' sometimes.

OlderNoWiser I love the Mark Twain quote ... duly noted

Personally, I love a good discussion and I have no problem with people having a different viewpoint, in fact I welcome it as I like to be made to think. However, there can sometimes be a very fine line between a 'robust' reply and bluntness to the point of rudeness.

Re whether or not to PM or 'have it out in public'. If something is particularly contentious or sensitive, at times I think a PM can be better. I personally don't want to appear to exchange brickbats in public - some people seem to enjoy that and that may be their understanding of 'robust', but it makes me wince. It could also be argued that publicly played out disagreements are a way of posters trying to garner support at the other's expense. Quite often it is evident that some are quick to defend someone who has been quite unpleasant - many newbies feel that is like being ganged up on.

Looking at it another way, at times I think an evidently misjudged post actually leaves that poster vulnerable and to my mind it is kinder and more mannerly to continue a conversation privately. It is really easy to make cheap shots - a PM can be a more adult way of handling the situation if it does feel like it is going wrong.

Maggiemaybe, if 'nice' is a funny ole word with lots of saccharin connotations. However, if here it simply means respectful and kind I am all for it.

I don't think this forum, or any other on the internet, are unique in the fact that there are some rude people about who like nothing better than to provoke others for the sake of it, and probably because they have nothing better to do with their time.

When I was a little girl I remember my grandmother telling me about a neighbour who lived in her street that "nobody bothers with her because she just causes trouble". This is not a new thing and is not limited to internet forums, although the anonymity afforded to people on such forums does make it easier these days I suppose.

Having been at the end of various kinds of verbal abuse for expressing my views in a few places because I am a newbie, have not posted in the right place, have said the wrong thing in the wrong way, or any number of other random reasons by people who have been there longer, think they own the place, know everything better, are taller, more beautiful, or just plain pig-headed, I have come to the conclusion that it is not worth my while to get involved with people like that and I now ignore them.

"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference" (Mark Twain)

Maggiemaybe it's quite possible to have robust discussion without resorting to insults and belittling others. I personally don't need to read unpleasant posts in order to be entertained, thanks. Yes, let's disagree, but keep it civil for goodness sake.

OOohhh me ! I have Alea and it's certainly a free for all. Nasty comments abound in the name of 'being honest or forthright' or 'telling it like it is' . But that doesn't make it right does it?

I'm not advocating a place where 'yes' is the only answer , just that ' no' is couched in terms that are kind, thoughtful and constructive. For instance I could say ' You're too sensitive , get over yourself!' OR I could say ' This is obviously a sensitive topic for you, how do you think you could move forward?'.

I think one issue is being able to tell the difference when people JUST want support which might mean reining in our natural desire to solve a problem and when people are looking for our views. Two very different type of questions in my opinion.

We've all had a moment where we just want a 'there there there' answer and I don't think people should be vilified for needing that.

I'm all for lively debate but in my opinion that is for threads that are not support questions but for when we are discussing bigger less personal to one person issues.

I take your point *MaggieMaybe about pulling up another member in the actual thread but isn't that what part of the OP is saying, not everyone is comfortable with confrontation no matter our age. Even on an internet forum it takes courage sometimes to fly in the face of criticism.

Well my simple input,doesn't it all come down to upbringing again, I mean a matter of respect and good manners.Some people just can't accept any one disagreeing with them.

Hmm, I'm not so sure that "a nice place to post" is going to be an interesting place. I'm not advocating rudeness, but without a bit of robust discussion it's going to be bloody pretty dull around here! With regards to being old enough to know better, surely we're old enough to know that not everyone agrees with us all the time, to take a bit of criticism or banter as well? Is everyone we meet out in the real world polite and endlessly chirpy?

I don't really like the private messaging either. It smacks of playground tittle tattling and ganging up. If you want to pull another member up on something, why not do it for all to see? If it's reportable, report it.

Yes, it seems that Internet forums can bring out the worst in some people. As the older contingent on the Internet, can I suggest we conduct ourselves in a more seemly manner?

As someone who also haven't been on here for very long, I do agree with this posting, and I think Imperfect27's litmus tests are good questions to ask before you post. Certainly I can't believe some of the comments I've seen on here would be said 'face to face', and anonymity seems to make some posters feel they have carte blanche to say anything they like, however hurtful.
Surely we're all old enough to be able to make a point, however strongly felt, in a reasonable manner. In fact, generally, the more people loose their cool and become abusive, the more others ignore the point they're trying to make. In 'real life' we can avoid those we find unpleasant, but it's almost impossible on something like this. I love being able to read different points of view and discussions - I don't want to be an embarrassed bystander at a slanging match