Thoughtful Posting

Oh that's a shame. It was a bit of fun. Sigh!

Better check my email. See if I've had my knuckles wrapped.

I am super-bored by by the phrase "robust discussion". It's just code for what often occurs on GN (for more information, refer to OP).

I'm one of those that no longer get involved in "robust discussions"- you'll find me on Arts and Crafts, Home and Garden, Food etc. etc.

I don't even know why I've posted on here!

I can't stand all this excitement on GN. I need to go and lie down in a darkened room

I posted on the missing thread it honestly as was the expectation I hope.

Just to make it clear, t'was not I who ask for it to be deleted.

I'm not such a wimp....and besides I know jingl loves me really

Unkind remarks to someone who posts clearly in distress is not acceptable in my book.

Threads that are sabotaged by provocative posts that get us nowhere are simply a pain, but part of the cut and thrust - it is a shame that a thread goes pear-shaped and that those who wish to continue the debate in a reasonable way have to give up, but it is not in the same league as deliberately trying to cause pain to someone already in distress.

I think that HQ should be on top of that and make sure it does not happen, or it is deleted - very hard for them, I acknowledge, with so many threads. But it should be a basic rule - do no harm.

I too have had pms from those who have been kicked in the teeth when they were clearly in distress.

Where's Jings other thread gone?

I'd no idea you were afraid of me held me in such high esteem jingl .

LullyDully I joined when GN started but didn't continue for the same reasons as yourself. I returned fairly recently because I 'lurked' and decided it was improved.
Luckylegs you have echoed many of my thoughts.

I have little recollection of who joined in the beginning but regard that as irrelevant since every time someone joins then the dynamic changes with their input which makes it interesting. As a child I moved many times to new schools and had to fight for 'my place' but as GN is not face to face it is not as 'red in tooth and claw' and on the whole we are grown ups, albeit with a lifetime of 'tender spots' which others don't see.
Perhaps I have lived a sheltered life in some respects as I find some of the comments and banter quite startling because that is not the sort of terminology or exchanges to which I am accustomed and I doubt I am alone in that. That does not mean that I am not aware how others live and this forum helps to inform and keep us in touch with the world since we all cannot help but bring who and what we are with us wherever we go.

I think that Imperfect makes valid points for life as well as GN which some may not even have thought about and I think her motivation was top notch and certainly not 'imperfect'.

It is an art to convey thoughts well by using the written word but then it is equally so to read it well and 'see' what isn't there but is hiding behind that which is.
There are some lovely people on here. Many have made me smile and some even make me have a really good laugh, I have even shed tears and I have also felt humbled by some who have such sensitivity to others and been impressed by those sharing a wealth of experience. It is a good resource and a rich tapestry which we can all enjoy if we approach it in the right way and make allowances for each other.

See other thread. While I find somewhere to hide.

Also, on the theme of food, sometimes people really do take everything in the wrong way.

Sort of the difference between

"Let's eat Grandma"

And

"Let's eat, Grandma"

You're certainly hot jingl

Anya - very true ! although i do think some of those near me have rats and cockroaches too ! I now make a mean Chicken Pathia at home

She means we're all hot and delicious.

Don't you anya?

NanaandGrampy .

No, I meant that there's something on the menu for most tastes from Vindaloo to Korma, from hot and feisty to mild and creamy. And if you don't like curry then there's other places to eat.

GillT57 people have posted in kindness and yes, supportively, but not to 'have a bitch' about anyone. The main points they have made are 'don't be put off' or 'I think you were misunderstood'. However, some have said they have been pout off posting for good by the cut and thrust of some debates. Others have said 'persevere', but learn to keep your head down'. However, there has been a common thread of people having been hurt - no lengthy airing of grievances, just an acknowledgement from some - and some people saying they do not post because -as we all know - some responses can be very harsh.

I explained earlier why I think a PM can be a good idea and that this can take account of alternative views without publicly making anyone on either side feel got at - I think you and I just see this differently. to me there has been nothing 'sneaky' at all.

Obieone No, I have never had any other contact with any of the people who have PMd me and none of them has known that I would speak up today - none of them asked me to. I just felt moved to say something as it does seem unfortunate that people are put off contributing and gaining more for avoidable reasons.

Thank you for your post Imperfect - I too share the view that robust discussion need not entail unkindness or rudeness; passion and depth of feeling but not rudeness, and in some cases sheer unkindness. But there are those who love it, and the best way forward is to ignore them. There are some posters whom I automatically ignore; and I latch on to those posters who I know will have a polite and useful debate.

It used to be mainly the case in debates about religion and politics; but recently there have been some very insensitive posts in response to an OP who is in some distress - I cannot find that acceptable at all - and to be honest find it quite shocking.

But I am afraid that you will find yourself banging your head against a brick wall Imperfect as there are those who thrive on rudeness and on being provocative, for reasons that escape me. Maybe we have to assume that being able to do this online might have some positive value as it stops them doing it to their nearest and dearest.

it has rats and cockroaches Anya ?

Before anyone shoots me.... I meant that in a humourous way

Gransnet is a bit like a Curry House.

Thanks thatbags. I was using the terms ironically as others here have suggested that as a newbie, I or anyone else, shouldn't presume to post anything critical. I have not been critical for the sake of it - I have simply tried to be constructive.

In my experience the majority of GN posters are absolutely lovely and I have enjoyed posting and valued advice / alternative opinions I have been given, even when misunderstandings have occurred.

NannyandGramps said early on in the thread that we don't always know what people's needs are when they post and that is true. However, I am not advocating 'treading on eggshells' or 'navel-gazing' to a point where all spontaneity is driven out. Neither would I want to lose the entertaining element of those who do know each other well and enjoy a good wind up. All I am saying is that IF we are aware that someone is likely to have posted in distress, or if in doubt, we should take care.

It is bewildering to quite a few that some people can be pointedly and unnecessarily unkind.

With few exceptions, I think that sending a PM to a poster on a robust discussion is rather sneaky and is tantamount to behind the back tittle tattle. If it is to sympathise over an attack perhaps it can be comforting, but as a rule, I think apologies and/or explanations are best posted on the relevant forum for all contributors to see. If an attack is especially personal or nasty then report it to HQ.

I meant do you know any of them from Facebook, or another internet site, or in real life.

Imperfect ". . . to suggest I have to 'earn' a right to give my point of view on a public forum is ridiculous."

There have been cases of people whose only reason to join the forum, and whose only contribution, on any threads, right from the first, has been to criticise and attack in a most sarcastic and aggressive manner. I could name three or four who just dripped sarcasm on the other posters about their opinions and lack of understanding or mental ability , and were eventually banned by GNHQ. There have also been others who started too sweet to be believed, but sent most abusive PMs to anyone who didn't agree with them.

I am not for a moment suggesting that you would do any such horrible thing - but a new name posting criticism (not just opinion but criticism) right from the start does set backs up, quite understandably. It is human nature not to like it.

Perhaps it is an initiation rite to survive a bit of initial resistance? The forum is most supportive of anyone with questions or problems.

No obieone, not person to person -just through the PM system.

Why are all these people who've posted once and 'been shot down' or have never dared to post at all still reading Gransnet? I'd have thought that once they'd decided it wasn't for them, they'd move on and look for a more congenial (for them) site.

Instead of which they seem to be lurking and picking up on any hint of upset by a newcomer, whether justified or not, and sending PMs of commiseration and telling their own tales of woe. Very odd.