I went to visit my Mum today

DF spent the last few months of his life in hospital. The hospital rang to say they thought the end was coming and my sister and I went straight down to the hospital. DF was conscious and in his right mind to the end, but his heart was failing fast. After five hours by the bed without a break, we went to get a coffee and a sandwich, we were gone about 10 minutes. When we got back to the ward he had gone. The nurses said that was not uncommon.

Knowing him, he probably held on for that moment without us because he wanted die quietly on his own.

my best friend waited for her husband (they were both old school friend) to go to the station to fetch me- she had asked for me to come and had flown the next day- to go. She wanted to spare him the pain, I am sure- but also wanted to know he would not be alone to face the next 10 days on his own having to organise everything (she was only 52, pancratic cancer- so very different story).

Yes, Gillybob, I listened to a palliative care specialist on Radio 4 recently saying that that is very common, it's almost as if they want to spare you the pain of watching them go.

I have heard that said before granjura. Not disrespectful at all. Having spent day after day, hour after hour with my grandma she died within an hour of my leaving her. Something I still feel terrible about. If only, if only.....

I think maybe some people just need to be alone when the time comes.

The OAP home where my mum was called me at least 10 times saying it was time and I should be there. Drive to airport, jum p on the next flight- hire a car, drive over the mountain- get there- put my mum's head on my chest and stoked her hair and told her I was there. And she would pick up during my stay and then slowly decline again over next few months until they called me again.

She died aged 94 when no-one was with her- and I was so sad I had not been there to hold her hand. But looking back- she needed and wanted me not to be there and go on her own- like elephants (and this is NOT being disrespectful).

good fo you for being there for her and visit regularly x

What a blessing to have your DM with you for so long.
I lost my own DM when she was in her fifties and have always thought it was such a waste and have keenly felt the loss of my 'anchor'. I am now in uncharted territory as I can't remember any member of my family
older than I am now!

I am hoping that there is something in the air in my new abode since nearly all of my neighbours are in their nineties or approaching that and all seem so bright and sharp.

to all who are finding it difficult caring for elderly relatives. I know not all are all sunshine and roses and some who are a delight give you such anxiety.

When my mother was first put on 'end of life' care, I was told to expect three to four weeks at the most so we alerted family members who had long distances to travel so they could visit before the inevitable.

Mum died sixteen months later!!

Good old South Pacific.....I know it backwards

My own nan refused to eat or drink when she knew that she was ging to be unfit to go to her own home, but she clung on to life for a week or so. Then I travelled down and showed her my new baby daughter - she died that night. It was almost as though she had been waiting to see her before letting go.

People of her generation and that of our parents were tough as old boots - they had to be to get through wars and rationing.

Hope you Mum is comfortable kitty. - Dirty Dancing next!

My dad used to use this expression. "It's being so awkward as keeps (me/them/her) going."

Oh kitty you know I sympathise having had so much of this with MIL. Its very draining and you jump at every phone call. I'm glad she enjoyed the film - it is lovely - all those views of the ocean in sunshine.

I've not long come back from visiting my M.i.L. She's been (according to her) on the brink of death since around 1990. Four years ago she was rushed into hospital and needed emergency surgery. We were told she was unlikely to survive and was given the last rights. She came out fighting and gave the surgeon a right rollicking for 'getting it wrong' Last June she collapsed and had to be resuscitated and we were again told that her heart was so bad she probably wouldn't survive any longer than three or four weeks. Well six months later she's very much alive. She's very frail, her dementia has got worse she's in a care home but she's still able to give us a hard time, she loves going to reasturants and has an amazing appetite. She's alive and kicking (plus complaining) You just can never tell but I do send my best wishes because I know it's a very upsetting and anxious time.

I know exactly how you must feel kittylester my dear grandma bounced back after several very serious health issues in her 90's and even underwent a major operation when she was 94. Sadly her body seemed to just pack up at 99 (she always said she didn't want no bloomin' telegram from her maj) so you may be in for quite a long haul yet. I think they were definitely made of stronger stuff back then.

My nan was very fond of the saying "too stubborn to die" It's amazing how they can rally round after being so poorly.
I'm glad she's doing well after putting you all through the wringer

kittylester, how difficult for you, I lost my mum when she was 77 - too early I feel, but she was independent and in relatively good health until the day she died. It must be very hard to be constantly anxious about a dearly loved-one's health and to be pulled through the mill if they have a difficult time.